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Original poster

To be putoff intimacy with DP due to this?

641 replies

Justinegh · 04/09/2025 15:34

DP and I are doing the deed a lot more regularly at the moment because we are ttc. This is usually in the evening when we first get into bed.

DP has a habit of going to the loo for several minutes before he joins me. I told him I find this off putting and unhygienic and asked if he can wait until after or go earlier in the day.

He just doesn’t see the issue and how someone would find it off putting.

Do you think I’m being unreasonable or would this annoy you too? It just seems stupid timing when you know you are going to be intimate with someone. It’s not a one off, it’s most occasions.

OP posts:
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7
Fionasapples · 04/09/2025 16:40

Have a bidet installed!

TeenAssessment · 04/09/2025 16:39

I am with you OP. My DH likes to shit a lot. I know I am very un-mumsnetty about this, and accept he "can't help it" (although, personally, I think he can - I think he's one of those that can go whenever he wants) but I find it a massive turn off. But I also acknowledge I'm probably the one who's uptight. I would suggest he showers before bed regardless of DTD then it will just be a routine and you won't be focused on the pooping.

Owly11 · 04/09/2025 16:39

so you want him to not go to the toilet when he needs to? That’s just weird. It’s not good to ‘ignore the call to stool’ . Why don’t you just get on with something else until he’s ready.

Woompund · 04/09/2025 16:39

AardvarkaKedavra · 04/09/2025 16:38

Not until MN had I ever heard that people 'should' shower before sex or abstain after pooing until they'd had a shower. I understand that the thought of 'toilet activities' is not particularly romantic or sexy, but if I understand correctly, some people think you shouldn't have sex in the evening if you defecated at any point in the day after your morning shower? Confused Seems like an awful lot of work, to be honest!

Having a quick shower before sex isn't 'a lot of work' and it makes everything a lot nicer for everyone. Do you have sex in the evening after not showering since the morning?!

BuckChuckets · 04/09/2025 16:39

Ablondiebutagoody · 04/09/2025 16:12

Brown to pink

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Yes, but that's nothing to do with the penis holder having just had a poo, surely?

AardvarkaKedavra · 04/09/2025 16:38

Not until MN had I ever heard that people 'should' shower before sex or abstain after pooing until they'd had a shower. I understand that the thought of 'toilet activities' is not particularly romantic or sexy, but if I understand correctly, some people think you shouldn't have sex in the evening if you defecated at any point in the day after your morning shower? Confused Seems like an awful lot of work, to be honest!

Shewasafaireh · 04/09/2025 16:38

Justinegh · 04/09/2025 15:46

Sorry, yes I meant he is using the loo (no.2) and openly says he is making sure he isn’t bloated. He doesn’t shower after, no.

Okay yes you’re 100% right then, this is grim.

Can’t he just quickly jump in the shower?

Woompund · 04/09/2025 16:37

BreakingBroken · 04/09/2025 16:22

@Woompund faces to genitals won’t help you conceive.
key here is piv.

What a staid and boring approach to sex! You don't think women need a warm up even if they are trying to conceive?

WhatdoesitmeanKeith · 04/09/2025 16:36

This thread has cracked me up. So funny.

I keep wondering if someone is going to suggest a shared shower as foreplay.

Plastictreees · 04/09/2025 16:35

Jesus Christ. I’m amazed people on MN are actually able to have sex, given the obsession with cleanliness and hygiene.

sadtimeshardtimes · 04/09/2025 16:34

Fucking brilliant.
I am crying here. I haven’t laughed properly in months. Thank you

TaupeMember · 04/09/2025 16:32

NoKnit · 04/09/2025 15:57

I already feel sorry for the child you are yet to conceive. Not because of your issue with your husbands toilet habits but more the need to post it on the internet

Don't be so silly.

Everyone posts predicaments on here.

Nobody is going to identify op's partner from this, are they!

SeaAndStars · 04/09/2025 16:31

Him pooing wouldn't put me off, but him arriving in the bedroom trousers around ankles openly announcing that he's no longer bloated would really kill the moment for me.

MathiasBroucek · 04/09/2025 16:31

Woompund · 04/09/2025 16:18

I don't know about bum holes but when I have sex I like faces to be fairly close to genitals and genitals are pretty close to bum holes - I don't want either me or my partner to be up close with an unwashed bum hole. And before people complain - yes I do know how to wipe my bum and no, wiping is NEVER as clean as a wash.

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The couple is trying to conceive - I'm confident you don't normally conceive by playing a female face near male genitals....

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 04/09/2025 16:30

People say the birth rate is falling because of the economy, but after reading this thread I think it's because half the population seem to shit all over themselves when using the toilet.

Zov · 04/09/2025 16:29

SummerHouse · 04/09/2025 16:25

Might I be so bold as to suggest the equivalent of a penis beaker for your reassurance and hygiene OP? I give you... the bum hole beaker ©

I love the way you have copyrighted this! 😂

Zov · 04/09/2025 16:29

coxesorangepippin · 04/09/2025 16:27

'shit your guts out'

My life, romance ain't dead yet is it

After reading this thread, I'd be amazed if most posters wanted to have sex again, ever! 😆

ShortAndIntense · 04/09/2025 16:27

You’re not being unreasonable at all. My DH has done this too. Does my head in. It just makes me feel, like, ugh. Pooing is not attractive 😂
Obv we all do it, but it’s not what I want to be thinking of before trying to get in the mood. I’m 100% with you. I mean, he can’t control when he has to go, I guess. Maybe try having sex at a different time?

coxesorangepippin · 04/09/2025 16:27

'shit your guts out'

My life, romance ain't dead yet is it

Whyherewego · 04/09/2025 16:26

Noshadelamp · 04/09/2025 15:54

He can't help needing the loo but he needs to shower afterwards, otherwise you are at a higher risk of a water infection.

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Unless you are mandating shower pre sex, I dont see what the difference is doing a poo and wiping your bum 10 mins before sex or 10 hours before sex.
And the one who mostly needs to shower is actually the woman because the way the male genitals lie they are far away from the no 2 dispensing hole but on a women it's all a lot closer hence risk of UTI

SummerHouse · 04/09/2025 16:25

Might I be so bold as to suggest the equivalent of a penis beaker for your reassurance and hygiene OP? I give you... the bum hole beaker ©

333FionaG · 04/09/2025 16:24

nomas · 04/09/2025 16:00

Why is her not wanting to have sex with someone with bad breath and fusty genitals a bad thing?

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Nobody wants to have sex with someone will smelly breath and sweaty genitals, I simply meant that by the sounds of it, there will always be a reason not to want to shag, hence the poor man comment.

mukk · 04/09/2025 16:23

DidILeaveTheGasOn · 04/09/2025 16:19

Can he poo on command? I am marvelling at the scheduled shits. If this man could have periods he'd get it all put of the way on the weekend. What else can he do?
Or does he have such a backlog (I'm sorry) that he can go whenever because he's full of it?
It would be like telling me I'm about to do a long car journey so I need to go to the loo now. I'd sit there completely unable to go until the following afternoon. No long car journey or ttc for me!

Apparently there's some people that can do this, I first read about it on a thread or some social media page about whether someone would poo on a night out and many people said no, that's weird, they'd just make sure they went before they went out!

Hankunamatata · 04/09/2025 16:23

As long as he washes his hands I dont really see the issue. People have to poop

LegoPicnic · 04/09/2025 16:23

HoLeeFuk · 04/09/2025 16:21

It's clearly working then.

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😂😂😂