Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be putoff intimacy with DP due to this?

641 replies

Justinegh · 04/09/2025 15:34

DP and I are doing the deed a lot more regularly at the moment because we are ttc. This is usually in the evening when we first get into bed.

DP has a habit of going to the loo for several minutes before he joins me. I told him I find this off putting and unhygienic and asked if he can wait until after or go earlier in the day.

He just doesn’t see the issue and how someone would find it off putting.

Do you think I’m being unreasonable or would this annoy you too? It just seems stupid timing when you know you are going to be intimate with someone. It’s not a one off, it’s most occasions.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Bloom2922 · 04/09/2025 17:06

Romance, optional. Snorkel, mandatory 🤿

Butchyrestingface · 04/09/2025 17:06

If he stops powdering his nose before sex, won’t you then be equally put off by the thought of him on the job, intimately near, whilst backed up with poop?

MathiasBroucek · 04/09/2025 17:06

This is the funniest thread I've seen since the anuspenis beaker

And when I get home, I'm going to cherish my wife for being so utterly normal about sex. There are some insanely uptight people on here.

InterestedDad37 · 04/09/2025 17:03

Justinegh · 04/09/2025 16:15

No it’s not (we don’t have one), but the bathroom is next door.

Show quote history

Are the neighbours OK with that? 😏

dogcatkitten · 04/09/2025 17:03

Is it just part of his routine, make sure his bladders empty, make sure his colon is empty, so there are no surprises, accidents or smells, anything a bit concerning down there may make the act difficult. Tell him to wash afterwards if you find it off putting, or go and have a coffee let him have his alone time and come back when he's in bed!

SeaAndStars · 04/09/2025 17:02

HoLeeFuk · 04/09/2025 16:56

I know, it's so much sexier when the turtle pokes its head out mid-thrust and then drops softly onto the sheets.

Show quote history

And that, in a nutshell, is why I always have a dustpan and brush to hand and cover the bed in a series of lace doilies before even thinking of lifting my nightie.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 04/09/2025 17:01

HoLeeFuk · 04/09/2025 16:56

I know, it's so much sexier when the turtle pokes its head out mid-thrust and then drops softly onto the sheets.

Show quote history

Whaaat? 😂😂😂
Don't get the correlation. But, f-ing hilarious. 😂😂😂

maxisback · 04/09/2025 16:59

I didn’t presume…

SummerHouse · 04/09/2025 16:58

I would always shower between pooing and having sex and I will always go for a wee after (this helps dispel any bacteria in the urinary tract). But I have woken up doubled in pain and bleeding from a UTI so no, I don't think a wipe is enough. I am not a hygiene freak but if you swabbed a washed hole and a wiped hole there would be more bacteria on the wiped hole. Sexy science. Then hands all over bodies then rubbed on genitals..... Does anyone need a diagram 😂

HoLeeFuk · 04/09/2025 16:56

Mumtobabyhavoc · 04/09/2025 16:55

So, partner is having a bowel movement before hopping into bed with OP for sex? What a gross mood killer.

I know, it's so much sexier when the turtle pokes its head out mid-thrust and then drops softly onto the sheets.

DidILeaveTheGasOn · 04/09/2025 16:56

It's not spontaneous if not only the sex is planned but the shit is too. And don't mens bathroom breaks take about 20 minutes while they wait for poo stork to drop a fresh basket for them to subsequently deposit?

Does he carry it around all evening and then descend upon the throne in due preparation every evening, ready to poo and proceed to his required duties? Does HE feel sexy when he's literally just had a poo?

Again, if you told me I had to poo right now I would be flabbergasted and entirely constipated.
This man is a marvel of the arse region. He ought to be revered throughout the land for his predictable and efficient deposits. Truly an example to all the other men seemingly glued arsedown to the toilet seat.

Goldwren1923 · 04/09/2025 16:56

Tell him to shower before sex

Mumtobabyhavoc · 04/09/2025 16:55

So, partner is having a bowel movement before hopping into bed with OP for sex? What a gross mood killer.

AardvarkaKedavra · 04/09/2025 16:55

If you wipe properly, there's no need for a full shower after evacuating your bowels, whatever hemisphere you hail from. 🙄

Petitchat · 04/09/2025 16:54

SeaAndStars · 04/09/2025 16:52

Because nothing spells "I want you more than life itself, take me now Kevin" like the gift of moist toilet paper.

Show quote history

🤣 🤣 🤣

Littlejellyuk · 04/09/2025 16:53

TakeMeDancing · 04/09/2025 16:52

I've literally never in my life, when about to have sex with someone, thought 'Hmm, when did they last have a poo? Was his last shit before or after his morning shower?'

😂

Show quote history

I'm creased 😆 🤣 😂
This thread is the shit 😆 💩 👌

Petitchat · 04/09/2025 16:53

maxisback · 04/09/2025 16:48

People wash after going to the toilet?

Show quote history

God, I have IBS. I'd be in the bathroom all day ! 🤣

SeaAndStars · 04/09/2025 16:52

Petitchat · 04/09/2025 16:50

Why can't he get his own wet toilet wipes?

Show quote history

Because nothing spells "I want you more than life itself, take me now Kevin" like the gift of moist toilet paper.

ChuckaPan · 04/09/2025 16:52

He needs to wash after! That is so horrendous 😂

TakeMeDancing · 04/09/2025 16:52

BauhausOfEliott · 04/09/2025 16:41

OP, unless you're planning to lick his arsehole - which I get the distinct impression you are not - this really isn't an issue.

I personally would find it more off-putting knowing that my partner needed a shit the whole time we were shagging than I would knowing he'd been to the loo beforehand.

As for people insisting that everyone should shower before sex... I forgot that in the world of Mumsnet, people are meant to scrub down with Dettol and then sanitise any interlocking body parts with antibac wipes before gritting their teeth and suffering through their duty of having to be in contact with another human body.

Seriously, does nobody on this website ever just have a spontaneous shag? I've literally never in my life, when about to have sex with someone, thought 'Hmm, when did they last have a poo? Was his last shit before or after his morning shower?'

I've literally never in my life, when about to have sex with someone, thought 'Hmm, when did they last have a poo? Was his last shit before or after his morning shower?'

😂

Shewasafaireh · 04/09/2025 16:52

This thread isn’t really doing anything for the stereotype that certain areas of the northern hemisphere is averse to hygiene.

HollyhockDays · 04/09/2025 16:51

How are people shitting if they need to do a shower afterwards?

WhatdoesitmeanKeith · 04/09/2025 16:51

SeaAndStars · 04/09/2025 16:46

Or perhaps a mutual sluice down with the bum gun?

Show quote history

This has set me off again. Brilliant. 😆

HoLeeFuk · 04/09/2025 16:50

BusWankers · 04/09/2025 16:49

Well, presumably they mean, wash his hands...

Show quote history

Have you read the thread? They think sex without a full shower right before is unthinkable.

Petitchat · 04/09/2025 16:50

JaneyDC · 04/09/2025 16:49

Get him some wet toilet wipes if he's not going to shower. Then his butt should be sparkling.. Although, tbh if would put me off knowing he'd just finished having a shit! As long as he cleans himself up properly and no oral, it's not too bad.

Why can't he get his own wet toilet wipes?