Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be putoff intimacy with DP due to this?

641 replies

Justinegh · 04/09/2025 15:34

DP and I are doing the deed a lot more regularly at the moment because we are ttc. This is usually in the evening when we first get into bed.

DP has a habit of going to the loo for several minutes before he joins me. I told him I find this off putting and unhygienic and asked if he can wait until after or go earlier in the day.

He just doesn’t see the issue and how someone would find it off putting.

Do you think I’m being unreasonable or would this annoy you too? It just seems stupid timing when you know you are going to be intimate with someone. It’s not a one off, it’s most occasions.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
pinenuts75 · 04/09/2025 18:28

I mean he could use them bum wipes there only 45p or something from aldi

pinenuts75 · 04/09/2025 18:27

sadtimeshardtimes · 04/09/2025 16:34

Fucking brilliant.
I am crying here. I haven’t laughed properly in months. Thank you

Me too 😂😂 I’m laughing away to myself reading this

Scout2016 · 04/09/2025 18:26

dogcatkitten · 04/09/2025 17:08

But doesn't everyone use the toilet immediately before getting into bed and whatever is necessary happens, or am I getting old, well probably, but I think I always have,

Yes, I would have thought (previously, before this thread) going to the toilet before bed was normal. Now I don't know what to think.

Wisenotboring · 04/09/2025 18:25

Noshadelamp · 04/09/2025 16:07

@Instinct1 @Carrotsurprise from the NHS website
"Urinary tract infections (UTIs) are usually caused by bacteria from poo entering the urinary tract."

So obviously if he hasn't wiped properly even a microscopic amount of poop can be a problem.

From the woman's bum not the man's!

InveterateWineDrinker · 04/09/2025 18:23

SeaAndStars · 04/09/2025 17:52

I always give my backside a swill in the sink after a poo despite it having got me in trouble at work on more than one occasion.

Show quote history

You didn't work here did you?

To be putoff intimacy with DP due to this?
EaglesSwim · 04/09/2025 18:23

Justinegh · 04/09/2025 15:46

Sorry, yes I meant he is using the loo (no.2) and openly says he is making sure he isn’t bloated. He doesn’t shower after, no.

He needs to shower after.

SeaAndStars · 04/09/2025 18:22

Shewasafaireh · 04/09/2025 18:17

I don’t have any pets (and when I did they weren’t allowed on the sofa or beds anyways) but I do know a family that wipes their dog’s paws and bum when they get back inside after a walk.

Show quote history

Oh dear oh dear. It is only a matter of time before PetsAtHome are selling dog bum guns with pawbath attachment.

Houseshmouse · 04/09/2025 18:21

I can't say I'd be turned on if I heard my partner curling out a giant turd before dtd. Imagine the smell wafting through!

Okthenguys · 04/09/2025 18:20

Does he use wet wipes after he goes or does he just wipe with tissue? DH showers before we DTD, if that’s not possible wet wipes until he is clean. I would be put off being intimate with someone who had just pooped and was not fully clean.

BananaPeels · 04/09/2025 18:20

HoLeeFuk · 04/09/2025 16:07

I think I'm doing shitting wrong, because I don't need a full shower afterwards!

Show quote history

Ha ha yes - this is definitely an eye opener and now my list of things I have never thought about ever before #203

HappierTimesAhead · 04/09/2025 18:20

FeliciaFancybottom · 04/09/2025 17:26

I hope everyone's burning the sex towel and sheets afterwards.

I read this as 'bumming the sex towel' at first 😂

RubySquid · 04/09/2025 18:18

Calliopespa · 04/09/2025 18:03

Anyway, are you sure you didn't use something intended for cleaning the toilet bowl? It's not as if there is any bum in evidence in the photos ...

Show quote history

Think you need to travel more and be a bit more open minded lol.

Digdongdoo · 04/09/2025 18:18

Woompund · 04/09/2025 18:10

I don't get this - when I was dating and sex was on the cards I'd automatically shower before. Now I'm married we have plenty of sex but we know when it's going to happen because you know - kids, jobs, lives! It's really not hard to shower before bed. Sometimes we have a spontaneous afternoon shag if we have the house on a weekend so yeah, I guess occasionally we may not have literally just showered but if I'd had a poo after my shower? Yes I would have another quick one. A shower can take 2 minutes max.

Show quote history

Why would you need to shower after a poo? How are you pooing?

Shewasafaireh · 04/09/2025 18:17

Mischance · 04/09/2025 17:52

I wouldn't be surprised if the OP (or the shower before sex brigade) have a dog which lies/sits all over their house with its shitty unwiped bum.

I don’t have any pets (and when I did they weren’t allowed on the sofa or beds anyways) but I do know a family that wipes their dog’s paws and bum when they get back inside after a walk.

RubySquid · 04/09/2025 18:16

Calliopespa · 04/09/2025 18:00

Well look at that thing.

That level of jet power is going to ricochet, and if you turned round to check you were firing it right, getting off the muck or whatever it is that a bum-sprayer is supposed to achieve then you might well get an eye-full.

Show quote history

But the power is controllable and you just stop pressing the lever to stop water flow. Am at work with all my Muslim colleagues and they are in stitches on the thought of someone managing to spray their eyes

IdaGlossop · 04/09/2025 18:16

blondebombsite13 · 04/09/2025 18:14

I still don’t understand.

You’re suggesting that the man who has just had a poo sticks his willy up his own arse before then putting it inside his wife?

Show quote history

Houdini is alive and well.

CeffylCoch · 04/09/2025 18:16

Could he have a quick shower afterwards to freshen up?

SeaAndStars · 04/09/2025 18:15

Parkerpenny · 04/09/2025 18:13

I'm on the side of showering before the deed. Both partners. Who wants smelly wee/poo bums/bits/fingers anywhere near them?

Napoleon?

OneAmusedShark · 04/09/2025 18:15

Maybe he once had a “bad experience” before he met you and now feels the need to be extra cautious! 🤣

BananaCaramel · 04/09/2025 18:14

YABU - you want to be comfortable to dtd! It’s not uncommon for me to stop my husband when things start to head that way and say “sorry I need to run for a wee first”

blondebombsite13 · 04/09/2025 18:14

Ablondiebutagoody · 04/09/2025 16:12

Brown to pink

Show quote history

I still don’t understand.

You’re suggesting that the man who has just had a poo sticks his willy up his own arse before then putting it inside his wife?

Parkerpenny · 04/09/2025 18:13

I'm on the side of showering before the deed. Both partners. Who wants smelly wee/poo bums/bits/fingers anywhere near them?

Woompund · 04/09/2025 18:11

ComfortFoodCafe · 04/09/2025 16:48

Isnt sex supposed to be spontaneous? Who said romance was dead Grin

He's having a regular shit before sex so the idea of sexy spontaneity has gone right out of the window!!

Woompund · 04/09/2025 18:10

Memberofstaff · 04/09/2025 16:46

Can't believe the amount of people who won't have sex with someone unless they've showered. Not very spontaneous is it?

I don't get this - when I was dating and sex was on the cards I'd automatically shower before. Now I'm married we have plenty of sex but we know when it's going to happen because you know - kids, jobs, lives! It's really not hard to shower before bed. Sometimes we have a spontaneous afternoon shag if we have the house on a weekend so yeah, I guess occasionally we may not have literally just showered but if I'd had a poo after my shower? Yes I would have another quick one. A shower can take 2 minutes max.

Woompund · 04/09/2025 18:08

AardvarkaKedavra · 04/09/2025 16:43

Well, I don't tend to get that sweaty or dirty during the day, so I don't feel I need a shower, honestly. If I've been doing something sweaty, then I'd have a shower before bed, regardless of anything else.

And I do think showering is a lot of work if I don't need one. Long hair takes some effort to wash and comb, and I need to moisturise my skin... Maybe I'm just lazy, but on the other hand, DH has never seemed to mind!

Show quote history

You don't have to wash your hair every shower Confused

Swipe left for the next trending thread