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Original poster

To be putoff intimacy with DP due to this?

641 replies

Justinegh · 04/09/2025 15:34

DP and I are doing the deed a lot more regularly at the moment because we are ttc. This is usually in the evening when we first get into bed.

DP has a habit of going to the loo for several minutes before he joins me. I told him I find this off putting and unhygienic and asked if he can wait until after or go earlier in the day.

He just doesn’t see the issue and how someone would find it off putting.

Do you think I’m being unreasonable or would this annoy you too? It just seems stupid timing when you know you are going to be intimate with someone. It’s not a one off, it’s most occasions.

OP posts:
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7
Shewasafaireh · 04/09/2025 20:08

GenerateNewUsername · 04/09/2025 20:03

I always try and have a poo before sex. My DH is a doctor and made a poorly thought out comment early on in our relationship that I was clearly a bit constipated.

I now always make sure (as best I can!) that my bowels are empty pre sex just in case he notices as I was so embarrassed.

I’m scared to ask, but… how did he notice? What happened?

Shewasafaireh · 04/09/2025 20:07

@sweetpickle2 i had a coworker who wiped back to front 😭 our horrified faces when we realised, I haven’t seen her in many years but I’m hoping after that eventful afternoon she saw the light and started wiping properly.

seanconneryseyebrow · 04/09/2025 20:05

takemedancing. That genuinely made me laugh out loud and I’m normally not the sort. Well funny!

LBFseBrom · 04/09/2025 20:04

I don't see how it is unhygienic as long as he keeps himself clean. Having sex with a full bladder is uncomfortable.

TakeMeDancing · 04/09/2025 20:04

EmeraldShamrock000 · 04/09/2025 19:06

He needs to shower afterwards, more fool you having a baby with a man with filthy habits.
He could have a poo fetish.

Nailed it. The husband has a poo fetish. Filthy bastard.

Sunnyscribe · 04/09/2025 20:03

Why is it exactly timed right before you have sex though?

It's just such an unsexy reaction to sex being initiated.

Maybe change up the times you have sex with him and see if it makes a difference because honestly if you change up the times and he still responds by saying he needs a poo, I don't have any advice.

GenerateNewUsername · 04/09/2025 20:03

I always try and have a poo before sex. My DH is a doctor and made a poorly thought out comment early on in our relationship that I was clearly a bit constipated.

I now always make sure (as best I can!) that my bowels are empty pre sex just in case he notices as I was so embarrassed.

TakeMeDancing · 04/09/2025 20:02

sweetpickle2 · 04/09/2025 19:02

This reminds me of the thread on here where I learned that some people wipe their arses stood up and facing towards the toilet.

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I’m learning lots of new lifestyle techniques tonight…

Beerpink · 04/09/2025 20:02

If he won’t show empathy on this… what else? I think there’s more to your feelings than you realise or maybe you do?

Clarabell77 · 04/09/2025 20:01

Bloom2922 · 04/09/2025 16:08

Call me childish but this thread has me in hysterics.

Me too! 🤣🤣

Shewasafaireh · 04/09/2025 19:56

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 04/09/2025 19:48

Not to mention the awful music.

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Surely between all the festivals there’s bound to be something everyone enjoys, I was just really shocked that people pay extortionate prices and don’t even get to shower for days.

BananaPeels · 04/09/2025 19:55

Sunnyscribe · 04/09/2025 19:52

Maybe tell him you need a fat shit just before you have sex and see what he thinks? 😂

It's not exactly a sexy image, so yes if find it off putting

Are men that picky?!

Sunnyscribe · 04/09/2025 19:55

DoYouReally · 04/09/2025 17:56

This thread 😂

After reading all this, I'm beginning to think some men are handed an sex sexual.

  1. 5pm cut off - last allowable shit
  2. full shower & scrub
  3. bum inspection to check for satisfactory cleanliness
  4. sex - missionary, lights off
  5. mandatory post coitus cuddle
  6. Promptly remove sheet/bed linen and put on 90degree boiled watch
  7. Further shower before new sheets

Bloody hell, spontaneous sex obviously banded in a lot of households and cleanliness gone to the extreme.

This is fucking hilarious

socks1107 · 04/09/2025 19:53

I’m baffled? Why does he need a shower having a poo? Can’t he wipe properly?
I am sure my dh does this sometimes but I couldn’t really care less, at some point in the day I’ve also had one and it wouldn’t occur to me shower!

Sunnyscribe · 04/09/2025 19:52

Maybe tell him you need a fat shit just before you have sex and see what he thinks? 😂

It's not exactly a sexy image, so yes if find it off putting

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 04/09/2025 19:48

Shewasafaireh · 04/09/2025 19:46

Nothing has ever put me off British music festivals as much as the fact there aren’t really any shower amenities.

Imagine the smells of all those people sweating, drinking, having sex and being on mud up to their knees all weekend. Absolutely fucking not. Grim, grim, grim.

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Not to mention the awful music.

Shewasafaireh · 04/09/2025 19:48

I just know James Joyce would be all over the anti-shower MN ladies.

Shewasafaireh · 04/09/2025 19:46

Kreepture · 04/09/2025 19:04

spot the people who've never had impromptu sex in the middle of a field at midnight after a weekend of camping.

Oh no. You must not poo, fart, sneeze or come at me with any sort of sweat or smell.. you must be primped and powdered, and sprayed with the finest of perfumes like a pretty french poodle before i will deign to allow you to put your penis within me.

Nothing has ever put me off British music festivals as much as the fact there aren’t really any shower amenities.

Imagine the smells of all those people sweating, drinking, having sex and being on mud up to their knees all weekend. Absolutely fucking not. Grim, grim, grim.

kkLeeNex · 04/09/2025 19:42

This thread is really stressing me out. DH and I have "an appointment" for sex tomorrow morning ( yes yes I know, where's the spontaneity?) as all 3 kids(including 2 very clued-in teenagers) will be out of the house and we're both off work!!!! Really looking forward to our morning together... until now 😬 Suddenly, I'm worried about poo!!!!! I'll probably try and poo first-thing and then shower. What about him? Should I ask him what his plan is?!!

Calliopespa · 04/09/2025 19:42

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 04/09/2025 19:08

I think there’s a difference between spontaneous sex, where you’re in the moment and not thinking about washing etc.

If at home, going to bed with the intention of having sex is different.

if we just do it spontaneously that’s one thing, but if it’s planned then we both freshen up first.

you need the toilet jet thing to freshen up with

Cool Down Benjamin Flores Jr GIF by Nickelodeon
HRTQueen · 04/09/2025 19:41

If I was in bed waiting I woudl find it off putting too

maybe both compromise about timings …

99victoria · 04/09/2025 19:39

Does no-one on Munsnet ever have spontaneous sex in any places where there isn't a shower to hand? 😳

InterestedDad37 · 04/09/2025 19:34

Localres · 04/09/2025 19:18

This thread is amazing. Lordy if some posters got time travelled back to the thousands of years in which humanity managed to procreate without showers (or indeed loo roll) eh?

it’s all a 2025 reverse version of Jonathan Swift’s Celia poem which is all faux horror at the discovery that his adored has normal human anatomy (“Celia, Celia, Celia shits!”)

(almost raising the tone … and yet not).

That poem is tremendous! Love it 😂✍️

Dontsayyouloveme · 04/09/2025 19:30

FieryA · 04/09/2025 19:22

Not sure what's wrong in using the toilet before. Surely he'll be uncomfortable if he tried to control it. I often go to the toilet, brush etc. and feel fully fresh and ready for intimacy. I'd rather not be trying to control a fart or be worried that I might have to stop half way!

Brush? What you brushing….. dare I ask?!

HikingforScenery · 04/09/2025 19:30

I agree with you, OP. That would really put me off. Why can’t he just shower?

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