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Original poster

To be putoff intimacy with DP due to this?

641 replies

Justinegh · 04/09/2025 15:34

DP and I are doing the deed a lot more regularly at the moment because we are ttc. This is usually in the evening when we first get into bed.

DP has a habit of going to the loo for several minutes before he joins me. I told him I find this off putting and unhygienic and asked if he can wait until after or go earlier in the day.

He just doesn’t see the issue and how someone would find it off putting.

Do you think I’m being unreasonable or would this annoy you too? It just seems stupid timing when you know you are going to be intimate with someone. It’s not a one off, it’s most occasions.

OP posts:
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7
Grammarnut · 04/09/2025 21:29

Woompund · 04/09/2025 15:44

If he's having a poo does he not shower after if he's going to have sex?!

Why would you do that? Wiping your bum should be sufficient - could wash bum perhaps? Unless sex includes rimming? Yeuch, whether cleaned or not and a definite kink.

DiscoBob · 04/09/2025 21:29

Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 04/09/2025 20:51

Pmsl 🤣

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Funny yes, but true!

ionatrolley · 04/09/2025 21:25

Look on Amazon or eBay for an Asian portable bidet, it’s a squeezy bottle with a long spout, fill with soapy water and use it while sitting on the toilet to bottom wash.

Calliopespa · 04/09/2025 21:22

Plastictreees · 04/09/2025 20:44

“Freshly crapped hole” 🤢🤢🤢🤣

And that’s enough internet for me for tonight!

Yes it's getting a bit much for me too. Some of the more ... um ... descriptive posts have actually given me a nauseous stomach.

Lickityspit · 04/09/2025 21:18

Lanzarotelady · 04/09/2025 20:20

Me three - DS 17 has asked what I am laughing at!! I cannot tell him

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I was at work trying to talk to my boss with tears of laughter running down my face. I couldn’t actually speak for laughing. 😆

KaitlynnFairchild · 04/09/2025 21:04

If you poop before bed then it’s polite to shower for sex.

YANBU OP it would put me off too

Thepossibility · 04/09/2025 21:00

I would lose the sexy feeling if my DH was going for a shit beforehand every time. That's not the headspace I want to be in to enjoy it.

Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 04/09/2025 20:51

DiscoBob · 04/09/2025 16:06

He can't control his bowel movements, and needing a shit during sex is extremely ill advised. The results could be pretty messy.

Surely it's common for people to use the bathroom before sex? To 'freshen up'? And obviously poo or wee if needed as that area will be being used for something else for the foreseeable.

Pmsl 🤣

BananaPeels · 04/09/2025 20:47

Delphiniumandlupins · 04/09/2025 20:42

How did you 'realise'? I must have worked with hundreds of people and have no idea how any of them wiped.

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i haven’t admit, I’m intrigued how this would come up with a close friend/relation, let alone a co-worker. … not sure I could ever look a co-worker in the eye after a revelation such as this.

Dontsayyouloveme · 04/09/2025 20:46

Rosesanddaffs · 04/09/2025 20:42

@Justinegh i’m with you!

My husband did this last week, needed a poo and then proceeded to think we would be getting it on.

I asked him if he had showered his bum hole, he said he had wiped it. I just thought no thanks, I don’t want a freshly crapped hole anywhere near me.

This is exactly it.. the recency and proximity.. however you worded it so much better than me 🤣🤣🤣🤣

after 2 hours or so… you know whatever is left has gone back up…

I’ll get my coat..,

BananaPeels · 04/09/2025 20:45

Plastictreees · 04/09/2025 20:44

“Freshly crapped hole” 🤢🤢🤢🤣

And that’s enough internet for me for tonight!

Who says romance is dead…?

Plastictreees · 04/09/2025 20:44

“Freshly crapped hole” 🤢🤢🤢🤣

And that’s enough internet for me for tonight!

Rosesanddaffs · 04/09/2025 20:42

@Justinegh i’m with you!

My husband did this last week, needed a poo and then proceeded to think we would be getting it on.

I asked him if he had showered his bum hole, he said he had wiped it. I just thought no thanks, I don’t want a freshly crapped hole anywhere near me.

NoThanksNeeded · 04/09/2025 20:42

When DH thinks things are getting a bit kinky because his DE asks him to bend over
And its only to check he used the bum gun before sex 🤣

Delphiniumandlupins · 04/09/2025 20:42

Shewasafaireh · 04/09/2025 20:07

@sweetpickle2 i had a coworker who wiped back to front 😭 our horrified faces when we realised, I haven’t seen her in many years but I’m hoping after that eventful afternoon she saw the light and started wiping properly.

How did you 'realise'? I must have worked with hundreds of people and have no idea how any of them wiped.

Dontsayyouloveme · 04/09/2025 20:41

notthepootroll2 · 04/09/2025 20:28

NC for this obviously but if you’re giving oral then yeah…
I was on the bed with (ex!) partner standing up for oral, and so because of the position my nose was pretty close to his arse, and I realise he has been for a shit recently and well. I could smell it
also men that don’t wash/rinse after the toilet and end up with drops of wee - I have also encountered someone smelling of wee and expecting oral

plus the ridiculous thing some men have about not washing their arsehole as “it’s gay”

I have sadly also had the front bum/wee experience! Said he’d had a shower,,, clearly didn’t use soap and it was very unkempt… how I didn’t get whiplash when I noticed 👃🏼 I still don’t know to this day.. 🧟..

anyway…. I digress..

notthepootroll2 · 04/09/2025 20:41

TakeMeDancing · 04/09/2025 20:35

It’s gay to wash your bum? I’m learning so much…every day is a school day!

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Oh god my Google is going to be ruined but yeah, there were articles about it

To be putoff intimacy with DP due to this?
Anonomoso · 04/09/2025 20:40

Mary46 · 04/09/2025 15:51

Not ideal I would feel the same op.. hard to feel intimate then..

TBF I wouldn't feel very intimate either but the OP's post reads like she's just ttc more than it being romantic and wanting to make love.

Katheclepto · 04/09/2025 20:39

He can’t help when he needs to poo.
Unless you’re touching or licking his bum hole what’s the issue? Am sure he cleans himself after!

Parkerpenny · 04/09/2025 20:37

If a man is sitting down for a poo, surely there could be a chance of splash back or splash up... ? Then all of that wiping and then the very same fingers being used in foreplay. Both showering has reduced my utis and I relax more if we are both clean without the day's solid and liquid residue. I've always felt sorry for our female ancestors having to sleep with smelly men.

Pepperedpickles · 04/09/2025 20:37

I suspect a lot of the people being grossed out are a similar age to me (late 40s, menopausal). When I was younger I couldn’t have given a flying fuck about such things, in fact I couldn’t have told you when the person I was having sex with last had a shit, or even a shower (although obviously picked those who smelt good so hopefully frequently)! But now it’s like some switch has gone in my head where everything has to be super hygienic and I’m pretty yuck’ed out by a lot of things. The thought of some unshowered, sweaty man in my nice clean sheets, especially after he’d just done a poo is enough to make my vagina clamp up. Nope.

QuaintMauveCrow · 04/09/2025 20:36

InveterateWineDrinker · 04/09/2025 16:19

Either he shits and you hold back on the rimming, or he doesn't and you hold back on the pegging.

😂😂😂

SeaAndStars · 04/09/2025 20:36

toxicjobrec · 04/09/2025 19:27

please tell me how this has got you into trouble. I'm in stitches here imagining your colleagues seeing you hovered over the sink trying to clean your bum.

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Only joking. I didn't really wash my bum in the work's sink. I'm not an animal.

I used the jet from the water cooler like everyone else.

TakeMeDancing · 04/09/2025 20:35

notthepootroll2 · 04/09/2025 20:28

NC for this obviously but if you’re giving oral then yeah…
I was on the bed with (ex!) partner standing up for oral, and so because of the position my nose was pretty close to his arse, and I realise he has been for a shit recently and well. I could smell it
also men that don’t wash/rinse after the toilet and end up with drops of wee - I have also encountered someone smelling of wee and expecting oral

plus the ridiculous thing some men have about not washing their arsehole as “it’s gay”

It’s gay to wash your bum? I’m learning so much…every day is a school day!

Dontsayyouloveme · 04/09/2025 20:34

seanconneryseyebrow · 04/09/2025 20:22

You can’t be seriously comparing your DH to your cat??? Pls pls say you are cos that’s just absolute gold. 😆

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My cat is my DH! I’m very happily single but this MAY reflect an ex!! 😂

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