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Original poster

To be putoff intimacy with DP due to this?

641 replies

Justinegh · 04/09/2025 15:34

DP and I are doing the deed a lot more regularly at the moment because we are ttc. This is usually in the evening when we first get into bed.

DP has a habit of going to the loo for several minutes before he joins me. I told him I find this off putting and unhygienic and asked if he can wait until after or go earlier in the day.

He just doesn’t see the issue and how someone would find it off putting.

Do you think I’m being unreasonable or would this annoy you too? It just seems stupid timing when you know you are going to be intimate with someone. It’s not a one off, it’s most occasions.

OP posts:
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7
curious79 · 04/09/2025 22:28

Total passion killer

ILoveCwtches · 04/09/2025 22:26

JenXWarrior · 04/09/2025 18:02

Illberidingshotgun · Today 17:44

TakeMeDancing · Today 17:28
I buy a new mattress every time I DTD.

That's just skanky. You should be moving house every time.

Ideally she should be placed in the shitness protection programme for her own safety.

Thanks to you all for giving me the best laugh I've had in ages. DH wanted to know why I was laughing so much...I managed to squeak out, "Shitness Protection Programme", before dissolving back into laughter!

I did manage to explain later, and he thought that was pretty funny. He has no idea what other gems he's missing out on! 🤣

NoThanksNeeded · 04/09/2025 22:26

Just have sex in the shower

Then you don't have to worry

UsernameMcUsername · 04/09/2025 22:25

I think the secret is just to try very hard not to think about it. When you actually think what he uses his penis for several times a day the poo issues pales in comparison.

JillyGiraffe · 04/09/2025 22:24

Beautifulhaiku · 04/09/2025 22:23

You do know people do this regularly as well…?

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Not wash..?

JillyGiraffe · 04/09/2025 22:23

It would put me off! It’s not unreasonable to need a poo or to go for a poo, but maybe he could try and go more discreetly slightly earlier? If he’s not wiping properly/clean that’s another issue!

Iceplanet · 04/09/2025 22:23

kkLeeNex · 04/09/2025 19:21

This thread is really stressing me out. DH and I have "an appointment" for sex tomorrow morning ( yes yes I know, where's the spontaneity?) as all 3 kids(including 2 very clued-in teenagers) will be out of the house and we're both off work!!!! Really looking forward to our morning together... until now 😬 Suddenly, I'm worried about poo!!!!! I'll probably try and poo first-thing and then shower. What about him? Should I ask him what his plan is?!!

Lace his lunch the previous day with potent laxatives. This way - you control the poo narrative. He should be empty well before your appointment 😉

Beautifulhaiku · 04/09/2025 22:23

Slightyamusedandsilly · 04/09/2025 17:40

If he's not showering afterwards, she's going to be thinking he smells shitty.

I'm assuming you're a bloke? How about she has sex while she's on her period without washing?

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You do know people do this regularly as well…?

Minnie798 · 04/09/2025 22:19

🤣🤣 this is hilarious.
How do you even know he's taking a dump op. He's only in there a couple of minutes .
In 25 years, we've never announced our toilet intentions to each other. Does he actually tell you he's going to do that, I guess I'd maybe find that part a bit off putting. I don't need to know anyone's toilet plans 🤣.

OneZanyOpalPanda · 04/09/2025 22:17

AngryBird6122 · 04/09/2025 17:16

I would have sex in the evening even if I haven’t had a shower that morning

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Same! I was about to post this...I just cannot believe that anyone is horrified at the thought of having sex without having a shower beforehand. Absolutely mental.

Iceplanet · 04/09/2025 22:17

TakeMeDancing · 04/09/2025 20:04

Nailed it. The husband has a poo fetish. Filthy bastard.

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🤣🤣

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 04/09/2025 22:13

Iceplanet · 04/09/2025 22:10

🤢 .... pray tell ....what happened next

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Reader, she didn't marry him. I hope.

Iceplanet · 04/09/2025 22:10

KaitlynnFairchild · 04/09/2025 21:48

I had spontaneous sex once, hopped on as the top in a sixty nine to notice a skiddy crack in my eyeline.

He clearly hadn’t wiped as well as he thought he had.

🤢 .... pray tell ....what happened next

Emptyandsad · 04/09/2025 22:09

LittleMyLabyrinth · 04/09/2025 18:05

It would put me off. Realistically it's probably no big deal, but some men have messier poos and danglier bits...I wouldn't want that anywhere near me. When men use the toilet a certain percentage goes a certain way into the toilet bowl...

I'm 65 and have yet to shit on my dangly bits...

Also, 'a certain percentage goes in the toilet bowl'? In all my years I have never missed the toilet bowl. 100% goes in the bowl, 100% of the time. Tbf, my XW once missed the toilet bowl and pebble-dashed the wall of a toilet in a small Portuguese railway station. I was quite impressed

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 04/09/2025 22:07

SaulGood · 04/09/2025 17:20

As for people insisting that everyone should shower before sex... I forgot that in the world of Mumsnet, people are meant to scrub down with Dettol and then sanitise any interlocking body parts with antibac wipes before gritting their teeth and suffering through their duty of having to be in contact with another human body

I know it's fun to take the piss but when you've been hospitalised with kidney infections after years of UTIs every time you have sex, the advice for some of us does become "you and your partner must shower thoroughly before sex. Hands, genitals and arseholes."

If a man constantly has shit on his hands, penis, or mouth then yeah he really needs better hygiene. But that should be rare. Normal hygiene (which includes not showering after every shit or showering immediately before sex) is enough to prevent constant UTIs.

KnitFastDieWarm · 04/09/2025 22:06

Perhaps those who fear the bum germs should consider shagging Alan Partridge - say what you want about him, the man prioritises pre and post sex hygiene…

To be putoff intimacy with DP due to this?
Iceplanet · 04/09/2025 22:04

HoLeeFuk · 04/09/2025 16:07

I think I'm doing shitting wrong, because I don't need a full shower afterwards!

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😂😂

Hedgehogbrown · 04/09/2025 22:02

Woompund · 04/09/2025 16:18

I don't know about bum holes but when I have sex I like faces to be fairly close to genitals and genitals are pretty close to bum holes - I don't want either me or my partner to be up close with an unwashed bum hole. And before people complain - yes I do know how to wipe my bum and no, wiping is NEVER as clean as a wash.

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Not sure she would get any babies by doing it that way.

RampantIvy · 04/09/2025 22:00

RubySquid · 04/09/2025 18:55

If you ever transit through the middle east pop in the airport toilets , Doha, Dubai, Amman etc all have them lol.

I have one at home ( although we had to put some special plumbing in) as well as much prefer to wash that wipe with a bit of tissue or ruin the environment with wet wipes.

And aim down and backwards while seated lol

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I have never been to those places, and sneering at people who haven't says more about you.

KnitFastDieWarm · 04/09/2025 21:57

SeaAndStars · 04/09/2025 16:46

Or perhaps a mutual sluice down with the bum gun?

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Must try this line on DP later 😄

RampantIvy · 04/09/2025 21:56

nomas · 04/09/2025 15:57

He should shower. I’m guessing he doesn’t use a bidet shower or bum gun?

Most house in the UK don't have either.

FioFioSILK · 04/09/2025 21:56

Gross foreplay. If he always takes a dump pre sex I'm surprised you're doing it at all. A hairy crack with a bit of poop is a total turn off...even if his cheeks are clenched. I wouldn't want to know either why is he telling you 😳

BCBird · 04/09/2025 21:54

I would want him.to shower too OP

KaitlynnFairchild · 04/09/2025 21:48

I had spontaneous sex once, hopped on as the top in a sixty nine to notice a skiddy crack in my eyeline.

He clearly hadn’t wiped as well as he thought he had.

OneZanyOpalPanda · 04/09/2025 21:45

HoLeeFuk · 04/09/2025 16:07

I think I'm doing shitting wrong, because I don't need a full shower afterwards!

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Wish there was a laughing reaction! I literally (and I mean literally) laughed out loud

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