How much would you expect to spend weekly if your DH earned this?

I think it is incredibly stingy of him to ask you to curtail your beauty maintenance when he's on such a high salary. You have sacrificed your career and put your life and body at risk by giving birth to and rearing his child with minimal input from him. He is on 170k for goodness sake, the least he can do is pay for your hair and nails every month! A full set of gel nails is around £25 near me and would usually last 2-3 weeks; a haircut with highlights and a blowdry is around £150 and is needed every 6-8 weeks. Many single mums manage to find the funds for manicures, hair extensions, vapes etc, the odd manicure/pedicure/hairdressers appointment should not be out of reach for a husband on 170k with one child.

Does he expect you to sit at home looking dowdy and ungroomed with minimal luxuries while he holds the purse strings? I can just envision him a year down the line having an affair proclaiming the attraction is no longer there, after an extended period of being denied luxuries and beauty treatments.

You spend 1k a month on non essentials and you don't think you are extravagant. I would have thought £100 a week should be ample for fun spending.

I don't even think that's a male /female thing. The reality is that money gives you options and therefore power. It's why I would never give up work unless I was independently wealthy. I think the power dynamic can really harm relationships

TBF that does seem like a lot to spend on average a week on just ‘spends’ .
Ultimately his wage is kind of irrelevant, he’s the sole earner of the family income so isn’t being that unreasonable to ask you to cut the spending back a bit, he must work a lot especially as you only really see him at weekends.
I don’t think he’s asking you penny pinch perhaps just to be more mindful, so if you’ve paid for a farm outing for example on a Monday, maybe a trip to the park with a picnic, a soft play visit, beach/woodland visit etc you don’t have to do a paid activity each day.
Ultimately if you’ve don’t like being told what you can spend then you need to go back to work, nursery will be more expensive then £250 as you point out, but you’ll be earning too to add to the family pot/ spend on yourself.
My DH is the main earner here, we could afford for me not to work, however I’ve always worked, I dropped to part time since the children arrived.
When they were small I worked in the evenings when their Dad was home with them, now I work during the school day. Some people think i‘m nuts as my DH would have supported me if I had wanted to stay at home but I would never want to be in a position of being solely reliant on someone else.
It means that I have money of my own to fund things without worrying about someone totting up amounts (which my DH would if I was at home and spending £250 a week on nothing remotely essential 😂)

Maybe she chose to do that. Why should someone compensate you for a choice you make

True; it is important to always keep your financial independence.

But to OPs question I agree 250 a week in fun stuff seems excessive,

My OH earns slightly less £155k and also SAHM - I spend about half of that (and I would include weekend children activities in that but not weekend meals out that would be extra)

probably depends where you live though, our mortgage and bills are good chunk of income so if that’s not too high and you are able to save a good amount each month on top of your spending it’s fine

You understand he pays a fair amount of tax on that?
And hopefully wants to put another decent chunk away in pension and savings /investments (particularly if he is the sole breadwinner)

My dh earns around 150K I work part time and earn about 150-200 per week.
Our dc are older the youngest is going to uni next week which we will help fund but he’ll get a job too.
My money goes on some bills, food and youngest son and that’s it all pretty much gone. Dh funds the rest
However I buy all my clothes on vinted, I dye my own hair and do my own nails, I wouldn’t consistently spend our money like that unnecessarily. I could spend any amount if I wanted to but I try to be mindful of what he has to do to get that money.
Also in the early days when dc were little we had very little money so I probably am used to it.

Same situation here. My husband earns a lot, but I’m supposed to budget as we were behind poverty line. I had 2 haircuts in 2 years , haven’t done my nails in 3 years. Whatever a man says, the moment you lose financial independence, he starts controlling you.

But it's not at all obvious that it can be afforded. Even assuming they were making no pension contributions, their combined take home pre-DC was £156k, and now it's £101k. But let's say DH has kept up his pension contributions, he'll have significantly less than 100k take home pay to cover mortgage, food, utilities, clothes, phone, car, savings, insurance, holidays etc. for three people. It's tone deaf to demand 13 grand a year for grooming and days out on that budget, particularly if the mortgage reflects their pre-DC combined income, when OP was presumably contributing a share.

Jeffing hell I've been on Mumsnet for years but I am sick to the back teeth of these "I'm considerably richer than you" posts now.

But surely if your child was in nursery, you'd be back to pulling in your £80k plus salary. Currently you are down that salary PLUS £250 a week?!

i would expect to spend what i need - but nothing like 250 quid a week!

you must go out daily for that amount buying everything?

i would also rein it in or go back to work

I think your spending is reasonable OP. What's the point in being a high earner and still penny pinching. I'm sure you have ample savings and a cushion in case things take a turn financially. You can't take it with you.

What?! She’s looking after their child, did you miss that bit?

I’m sorry but whatever your income, £1000 a month is a lot for non essential spending for one person in a one income household.

I would either want to save more incase the unthinkable happens & DH is unable to work/loses his job or work at least part time to keep a second income coming in which could be spent.

On the face of it, I don’t think it’s excessive but the context is everything. If your essential household outgoings are high with a big mortgage, bills, debts, car finance etc then £250pw might be a lot of the disposable income. If there’s very little of that, then as a proportion £250 might not be very high. It would be sensible to sit down with your partner and make a list of all of your combined essential outgoings then see what you have left, work out what you want to allocate for savings/investments etc and then you can divide the balance so you get a fair share for your outgoings. That will help avoid any resentment on both sides.

I see your point but it isn't your money, its an "allowance", it's money he has worked for and is kind enough to let you have some of for literally nothing

So realistically if he's putting about ten percent into his pension it's about £7,500 a month. Not peanuts but not vast riches for a family income. All depends on outgoings though.

This poster definitely posted about this about a fortnight or so ago though. She's also eating lunch out and buying multiple coffees etc every day and couldn't understand those who were saying this wasn't normal.

it isn't even nearly 11k a month. £170k gross is 100k net per annum without any pension being taken off. I would anticipate a high pension contribution at this salary level since the taper will kick in if he has a few pay rises and gets to £200k so he's probably trying to maximise money into his pension now whilst he still can.

Maybe she should put some of the £250 per week towards per pension then, at least it would be of some use rather than wasting it on continuous days out, which sound like they are being done for the sake of it.

You are spending over £30 every single day that's alot of unnecessary spend. I might spend that on an activity but it would probably be once a week. If your child is a toddler make.the most of the time you can entertain them for free or very cheap - the park, library, baking at home they quickly outgrown it.and you spend a fortune on activities, sports and all the kits and equipment!

Yes, £1000 plus per month on fun activities does seem excessive. You keep saying “out of £170k” but so what, it’s like you HAVE to spend that as he earns a large salary. Why doesn’t you save something for kids uni, future or even potential property investment. There’s only so many farms you can visit anyway!

As a household you aren’t taking home that much. £170k sounds great- but after tax, NI, pension what’s the monthly take home? Around £11k a month? (My maths is shit)😂but you spend around £1000 a month on park days out and lunch? Your mortgage must be a fair bit, along with other bills. I think it’s a lot to essentially fritter away.