How much would you expect to spend weekly if your DH earned this?

Yes but the OP would then be working and bringing in money

I don't think people realise how much goes on tax and NI at this level of salary. A family with one person earning £170k has about the same net income as a family with two people earning £65k. Its a decent income but it isn't vast riches and it isn't the sort of income where you would expect to be able to fritter away £250 a week

And as the OP pointed out, it would cost more than £250 a week to put a child in full time nursery, even with 'funding'.

I agree.

I think the responses here are strange. Things cost money. I don't think you should be expected to sit at home or go to church groups if you can afford not to, which you can.

Surely this money ends up becoming money spent on swimming lessons/ clubs and weekends trips as they get older anyway.

But it’s not a waste if you’re spending it on things you enjoy?

if you’re saving for retirement etc there could be a balance.

i know people like this who dropped dead within 2 weeks of retirement and never got to enjoy it

I agree. I don’t think £250 a week is excessive. You could cut it back a bit say to £200 but life is for living and you only get one chance when your kids are little.

I still hate that Covid robbed me of 2 years of my kids little years so have fun whilst you can!

And no, I don’t feed a family of 6 for a week on a mumsnet whole chicken

Sarcastic right? Our income id vastly in excess of the OP and there’s no way we’d fritter it away on such shallow nonsense. Save for your kids future, or possible redundancy or early retirement instead.

We hope to be able to give our kids a flat each in their early 20s, if we don’t need to raid the savings for redundancy or ill heath. Maybe OP’s partner thinks similarly. Why waste money just for the sake of it?

Another way to look at that is you need to earn £26k (due to 50% tax)

How much of the €8,500 pm is used up?

I don't think €250 is too much for what you're spending it on.

Alot of that is taxed. Take home is £100k. That's a lot but given the number is easy to calculate that 13%. You still have lots left over but it does seem excessive regardless of context

If my OH was earning that amount I certainly wouldn’t be chucking money at a hair stylist or nail technician quite so frequently!

If it’s not affecting your saving plans or family budget, why not? God forbid you actually have a great year with your child. I know I’m against the majority here but this is a short period of time, it can be miserable and isolating, so if you can afford it, enjoy! I

Really depends on what your other household expenses are, rather than on his salary.
Maybe you need to go through your budget together and agree on priorities.

@Righancan you share a breakdown of a typical week of spending? Struggle to see how you would easily spend £50 / day every day

It's more like 80k tax 😵! My husband earns about this, and once you factor in marginal tax rates etc we/he pays 48% on every pound he earns, honestly it's absolutely insane and nobody realises the severity of it until they hit those rates.

In response to OP, I am also a SAHM, and I would never think of spending so much, a splurge week every now and again absolutely. Prioritise what is most important to you and then splurge on that ( maybe your hair and nails to feel sane, I've most certainly neglected myself too much over the years) - most kids are just happy going to the park and library and that's totally free. Most library's also offer free classes for kids, mine loved them. - maybe try some out. Alternatively have friends over for a playdate, free and I always found those days the most fun. I totally get your husband wanting you to rein it in, you might be comfortable now but if you keep spending at such rates then you may not have the savings you need to give your kids the education and opportunities you want and the retirement you desire. One day you might wonder where all the money went and I think you'd be pretty pissed if you realised it all went on facials, soft plays and lattes!

Over £1k a month on luxuries is excessive in my opinion. I know you say 13k a year out of 170k wage, but is the 170k before or after tax? Also I am guessing if that's his income you probably have high other costs ie
Mortgage, expensive to run and insure car compared to the average person.

I probably spent about £30 a week on classes for my toddler, we ate at home as cheaper and quite frankly easier, we eat out as a whole family at weekends if we are going to eat out.

Hair and nails surely is only every 4 to 8 weeks???? I don't do nails, and I only get my hair trimmed as and when I get time and needed so it's even less than that.

I don't think it would hurt to reign in the spending a bit, there is plenty of cheap or free stuff to do with little ones it doesn't need to be a soft play everyday

Yabu and sound profligate.

Your DH isn't wrong its £50 per day (mon- fri) which is a lot.

You are a 1 income household. You should be making hay while the sun shines.
Unless you have 100k in savings yabvu....

Redundancy is happening to good talented peipke through no dault of their own.
About 50% of the high earners i know (100k - 400k ish) have been made redundant at some point in the last 2-3 yrs.
Lucky ones find something quickly... other unlucky talented people I know have been out of work for 6-12m plus ....

Your lifestyle can very easily come crashing down....

I also agree with @LandSharksAnonymous he works his arse off so you get to build forts, make paper birds and share croissants in nice cafes... but he doesnt get any say in finances because he's working?!?!? Just no

You need to start prioritising savings and amazing family holidays

Yes, but that's all it is, an excuse.

i don't think men care about nails at all tbh. I doubt they even notice.

I think it’s fine and you gave up work to be with your kids. Money you earned previously would have been spent on this kind of stuff.
for context when I was not working. My DH gave me £200 a week and he earns nowhere near 170k. And that was a few years ago.

The sad reality is that many men do use their wives/partners letting themselves go as an excuse to shag someone else. Whether it is becoming overweight, aging, being too tired to pay the darlings any attention after having kids or letting grooming fall by the wayside.

wtf? The OP isn't being denied anything. She's spending a fortune and acting like she's on a permanent holiday.

I earn a chunk more than that and we're a family of five, my DH looks after the kids. there's absolutely no way we'd be able to afford to have him spend that. He spends under £100 on that sort of stuff , as we prioritise holiday spending.

How often do you get your hair done?

My mum used to get her hair done every week (so did everyone in her friend circle).
It was about 1966.

Imagine being so insecure you think your husband will run off and shag someone else if you don't keep your nails looking perfect