How much would you expect to spend weekly if your DH earned this?

I was expecting that to include your weekly shop but it doesn’t.😳

and the £7,600 didn't account for student loan, healthcare etc. If he has a student loan (which is likely if he earns that sort of money and has a young child) then he's losing the £600 straight away on student loan repayments.

Oh, missed that. £250 a month would be completely reasonable.

I don’t think £250/ month is that excessive

You've also misunderstood it's not £250 a month it's £250 a week.

But we were addressing the cost of “grooming”. It doesn’t come close to £250 a week. Nor does a £15 lunch, a £10 coffee date or a £20 Uber.

I don’t think £250/ month is that excessive, but it sounds as if there’s more to this. What is his overall attitude to his income? What does it get spent on/ used for? Is it “joint” money, or just “his”, with him giving you an allowance? Be very careful about becoming overly reliant on his income, because that’s a supply that can stop overnight. I’d genuinely recommend that you return to work, however much it goes against the grain. Financial abuse is far more common than people realise, and it’s important that women (in particular) ensure that they are financially independent of their partner.

If I was earning £170k I would probably be happy with my partner spending that on the kids and themself as long as everything else was good and we had savings ect. Yes it’s a lot compared to most, but if you’re pulling in big money and all your other expenses are covered then life is for the living. We do not make anywhere near this much, and we spend a lot of fun money. DH earns a lot more than me as I’m part a part time tutor, but basically all of my income is fun money. I have personal savings/investments that are mine so some of it goes to that, but most of what I earn goes on us doing fun things - especially while the kids are little.

A toddler to "entertain"? This seems so strange to me. Toddlers don't need entertaining. They need fresh air, activities, painting, playing story time, care and attention. They're also fine being left to work things out themselves, how "to play", how to look at a picture book, how to talk to Teddy...build a den out of cushions etc etc. The more you "entertain " a toddler the more they lose the ability to do this. A lot of "entertaining " it seems to me is more about the adults being bored and lonely. Which is fair enough. When my kids were toddlers my "entertainment" would be hanging out with another mum for an hour or two sharing a coffee and a moan while our kids played at each others house, the park, play area in a cafe etc. £25 a week I guess on coffee and a cakes...keep it simple while they're toddlers, because teens are a whole different ball game!

I'm not sure you've quite understood though? Even adding in all the things you've said to that posters response your total is talking about monthly outgoings? The OP isn't spending £250 a month she's apparently spending that sum per week.

Ok - add a £15 lunch once a week, a soft play, a coffee date, a regular class and an emergency Uber when running late - that brings you up to about £250 a month, probably more.

I'm not very groomed, I (don't) do my own nails, buy charity shop clothes/George and Asda. But - prices are high in this country, tax is high, salaries aren't that high. It looks a lot but isn't really.

Exactly. If the OP normally earns £80k, it's not a case or her working 'just to pay nursery' like it effectively can end up being for lower earners (I know childcare is the responsibility of both parents, but when you're looking at household finances you still need to consider it as a marginal cost of one parent working or not). She earns a good salary, pension contributions and keeps her career going.

The cost of her not earning for however many years, on top of her lifestyle spending, will be far more than that of nursery.

And yes, this does sound suspiciously like the same poster who was spending £150 pw and it being 'not enough'. So she's now spending £250 pw and it's (likely rightly) causing tensions within the household.

I look very groomed. Always have. A haircut and pedicure every six weeks, nails every three, a decent skincare routine and regular make up top ups probably averages out at around £30/40 a week if you’re generous.

If her partner expects her to look very groomed I can see how the money gets spent very quickly

But agree that OP should put some into savings/private pension

Op do you have your own savings? Have you started a private pension?

Not adjusted for you bringing in 80k if DC were at nursery.

InveterateWineDrinker

I'm now beginning to place a finger on why so many objectively well-off people seem to think they are poor.
(Spoiler - I think it's because they piss it up the wall.)

I think this thread might be an outlier more than indicative on what people do

Didn't realise, we are over but that's between us so that's why I've never checked

Exactly
Say 500 /month into a modest pension for Op
at least £2000 into savings and investments (and really that's not a lot when it would only save £24k a year and he's the sole earner)
Min £100 /month on critical illness and health care

We're down at £5000/month now of which let's assume at least £2000 goes on mortgage, council tax , utility bills , transport to work, food etc.

So maybe they have £3k "disposable" income -and op.is spending a third of that on frittering ...

Go back to work OP. Take back control. I’m the high earner and my partner does renovation (capital projects) and I run the opex, mortgage and running costs.

If he was spending 1k a month on this stuff I’d be having words too.

Women should never lose control of their financial independence.

Have you got memberships at all the local soft play and farms etc? I can see how you spend £250 if not and you should really take packed lunch. Is petrol etc on top of this?

Indeed. Everything is very expensive now. Although 7600 is a good salary but I’d prioritize saving and investment at this stage and then figure out what is a reasonable amount to spend on nonessentials.

yes exactly. I would be very reluctant to spend that much if my partner is the sole earner of the house. There is a possibility that the job is lost, especially in this economy. I think OP is very optimistic about their earnings and situation.

You can also entertain yourself and DC very cheaply in London. Lots of free attractions, free public transport for DC, or annual passes that are a bargain if you can visit regularly.

But you'd be utterly stupid to spend all your money without thought unless you have a secure income, mortgage paid off or small, pensions sorted, good savings, etc etc.

What if the OPs DH loses his job and cannot get another one, what if he becomes ill or dies, what if they separate? The OP is only focussing on 'my DH earns loads of money so I can spend what I want' but she doesn't seem to consider their financial position and whether it's actually affordable.

She's going get a rather unpleasant shock if it comes to retirement age and she has no pension and they've spent all their money so can no longer afford the lifestyle that they're accustomed to.

Out of curiosity do you have a pension?

sorry but 250 a week on hair and nails etc that screams vanity to the nth degree also screams trophy wife can see why he is upset