How much would you expect to spend weekly if your DH earned this?

But doesn’t necessarily mean you need to spend it. I get it, though - it is £30-40/day, which is not a huge amount and can quickly add up - do you include fuel/travel costs and those types of forgotten costs or is the money on coffees, lunches, entrance to activities etc?

Echo others - purely financially, you are probably at a net loss by not working and not using nursery, obviously the caveat is I don’t know your nursery costs, pension deductions etc. Presume your husband’s salary is now also covering your pension contributions.

I think a lot of people are underestimating how expensive even ordinary things are nowadays. Perhaps when their DC were young, activities for young children were much cheaper? I can quite easily see how even just a couple of days out a week plus a hair appointment could add up quickly. And to be honest if my DH was on £170k a year I would not expect to be living a life where I have to take coffee in a flask and sandwiches everywhere I go and only do free activities.

No worries. I just wanted to offer you some support as I was getting fed up of people arguing with you that £250 a month wasn't much because their lack of reading comprehension means they are arguing a completely moot point because no one is saying £250 a month is unreasonable but £1000+ is just utter madness.

Depending if you think money is to be spent without thinking much if you have it or you think that even when having money you should use it with a bit of care. You need to compromise.

I think £250 per week is a lot, no matter how much your DH earns. When my DD was young and I was on ML or working PT, we join our soft play with a membership. A single day session was around £12, the membership for the month was £16. I guess I could have paid each time, because I had the money, but why would I do that? Same with lunch, you don't need to have lunch out every time, you can do a picnic, or come back home for lunch sometimes....you also don't need to be out doing activities that cost money every single day. With tha amount of money you are spending, I can only think you are out paying for activities and lunches all the time

Sorry I misinterpreted your post. I’m particularly sensitive on this subject because I frequently get condescension from younger women since I became an old lady (on the outside). I changed hairdressers because of it.

You should switch with him for a month and see what he spends. I bet it won't be less. :) people in this salary bracket just spend more I think he is being unreasonable...

Yeah, like nobody is gonna get their tiny violin out for me but it feels unfair that it's done on highest individual income rather than household.

Mine like the basics most of the time (DS used to play with egg cartons for hours on end) but I kind of just think if I can do more it’s nice to. I didn’t get taken out a lot as a child outside of park and pub so sometimes I do tend to overindulge on activities for sure.

It wasn't meant to be condescending, lovely is a pretty common term in many parts. I was agreeing with you and saying others who were arguing with you had misread it as per month not per week.

I think you quoted the wrong poster. I agree with you. And less of the condescending “lovely” please.

Its a WEEK

You and me both!

Also, being a trophy wife seems far more appealing to me than spending my days dragging my kids along to free, dull events at church halls, letting my roots grow as my hubby is counting every penny and enduring my hubby quibbling over things he can certainly afford.

This exact post with same income and spends was posted before. Just search the posts if you are a new/genuine poster which I’m sure you will say you are.

Ok, I haven't been paying attention! Sorry!

Hair & nails look more expensive to get done where I live - assuming the OP is in the South East it will be even more.

A friend in New York has to pay $40 an hour for after-school clubs whereas I have to pay £7.25. Costs for labour-intensive services vary a lot depending on where you live.

On feminist grounds it's a shame that higher-earning women are leaving the workforce in this way.

Since people increasingly live a long way from family and lifelong friends, it does cost money to have a social life. We should be realistic about that.

I hope the OP and their partner resolve things xxx

You don't get a trophy at the end of your life for being a martyr and forgoing all luxuries. £250 isn't loads, especially if the odd bit of maintenance botox is desired occasionally. Life isn't supposed to be treated as some sort of self-enforced penance. For some reason I can imagine you sat in the rain,on a step outside of a church hall, eating your soggy sandwiches with hair having seen better days.

YABU. Go back to work and earn your own money.

"We only really see him at weekends and part of me feels he should have no say in what we do to get through the week!!"

I also find this concerning.

I've known a number of people (mostly, but not all, men) who think that by flogging themselves to death and working all the hours god sends, they are being a good partner and parent and providing for their family. It results in them being absent, unappreciated and eventually unwanted Not a good setup.

I agree with this. Op gets a personal budget, DH gets a budget and there's a budget for "fun" spends during the week with DC etc

I think it needs to be split into personal spending and what is spent on your DC.

DH and I earn about 90k total between us, after bills, food etc are accounted for we get £200/month into our personal accounts to do what we want with. DD spending comes out the joint account.

So maybe add up your hair, nails, personal spends and decide on an amount that you move out of the main account each month for that purpose. Sometimes it's just seeing all the transactions that makes a person freak out a bit but one lump sum is easier to rationalise.

Yes this sounds sensible.
That's what I do for myself. I pay myself a bit of pocket money for clothes etc, pay what's needed into the joint account and the rest goes into savings /investments

And hopefully they would agree her husband should get equal "pocket money" to spend on himself.

How about suggesting you split the money into different budgets. I find the amount some women spend on hair/nails/make up/clothes etc crazy expensive. Maybe a budget for the kids related expenditure and a budget for your personal expenditure would help.

But when kids are little you can have heaps of fun at very little cost!
Mine enjoyed swimming, playgrounds, painting at home, imaginary games at home, "adventure walks" around the local area, puddle jumping ... The odd expensive day out is nice but generally I found mine loved the simple days best

It’s not 170k though… he has to pay tax on that. Then presumably you mortgage, bills, cars ect ect!

Nope it's not you misunderstanding lovely. Lots of those arguing yours and others posts and trying to make this man out to be some sort of controlling monster and saying it's reasonable sum to spend seem to be missing the key difference and think it's monthly which indeed would be very reasonable.