How much would you expect to spend weekly if your DH earned this?

It may not seem like a lot of money to some but we really are talking to people in the top few percent of household income

always fascinating how little they acknowledge their incredible riches

I don’t count £170k as a high household income if it’s from a sole earner. Our household income is £120k from two earners and our joint take home pay is only around £800 less then take home from a sole earners £170k income. I do spend some money on myself, like a massage every couple of months and a few spa days each year, but nothing close to what OP is spending. For us it’s more important to put money into paying off the mortgage, long term savings and decent savings for DCs future, holidays, family experiences, DCs activities. I don’t think DH would be too happy if I spent so much money on myself each month on beauty treatments and lunches.

He brings home approx 9k a month after paying into both of our pensions plus a large quarterly bonus. That poster says she spends approx £500 a month on her beauty routine and I said I spend the same. My husband spends that on golf alone.

It's obvious partly dependent on your social circle. There are clearly women who do live like this but it certainly isn't true to say it's the norm if you have a higher household income (and certainly not with a whole household income of £170k like the OP has).

Our total household income is between £500-£600k per annum gross (varies year on year since we are lawyers). I work very part time now. I am generally regarded as very "groomed" in that I have good hair, wear full make up every day, always have well manicured nails etc.

I paint my own nails, I pluck my own eyebrows, I use revitalash for my eyelashes so don't need eyelash extensions, my hair is done once every two months and costs £150. I use olaplaex at home (massive bottle lasts about a year and is about £130).

I take nmn collagen etc so thats about £40 a month. I use snail mucin, liquid gold, vitamin c serum, medik8 retinoid and peptides which add up to probably about £500 a year. I get baby botox every six months which costs £130 each time.

It's nowhere near £1000 a month.

I think the OP is getting over excited by the fact that her husband's headline pre tax salary sounds high. If she thinks of it more in terms of as a household they have (probably) £7000 coming in net every month and they have to pay for everything out of that then she might calm down a bit. It is still a lot of money but it isn't vast wealth

I'm surprised at some of the answers - spending 250 p/w is not a problem in 170k a year income.

Where have you got that the only woman who earns money for herself doesn’t have a routine? She’s the only woman who has a job working 70+ hours a week. I know many other woman who earn very good money themselves. My best friend is a dentist, the other a barrister. They just don’t spend all day running around in hospitals. The majority of my friends are women who all work and spend a lot of time on skincare and hair care.

Do you judge all SAHM’s or just ones who are the partners of high earners? Is there a cut off point where money should stop being spent? I met my husband at university. When I met him he moved into my student flat that I was paying the rent on, he had no money. We were a partnership and I supported him financially and now he supports me. I have completed the LPC and whilst I have never practised and probably will never return to working I could if I needed to. I imagine we all have high maintenance routines because the money is there. I didn’t have this routine when we didn’t have this money… it’s really that simple. My husband probably spends 3 times what I spend on myself a month. Do you judge him too? Or is it okay because he’s going out to work?

How do you define "high earner" though? I'd consider my DH a high earner, and there's no way we could afford a lifestyle like that. We're very comfortable, but we don't have that kind of cash spare. It doesn't reflect what I know of his colleagues either.

I always find it interesting on threads like these where posters claim to be very high earners but also claim this kind of stuff is vanity and they would never spend the money on it. My DH works in finance and his job is very heavily male dominated. The majority of his colleagues have set ups similar to us (working husband, SAHM) and they all have similar grooming routines. I know there are some who spend so much more with monthly very expensive laser co2 facials.

Our friendship circle contains similar high earners and I think the only woman I know that doesn’t have an expensive routine grooming routine is a doctor in a hospital. But everyone I know spends a decent amount of money on their skin and hair.

I find this absolutely fascinating that all these high earning men have ended up with wives who are so focussed on their appearance. Were they all high earners before meeting these wives? Or did they select high maintenance wives to massage their egos? Or are the wives desperately trying to stay young looking to try and prevent their wealthy husbands roaming? I do think it is incredibly vain and makes me feel slightly nauseous that people spend this amount on their looks, but leaving that aside, the psychology of this dynamic is intriguing to me.

Equally interesting is that the only woman who doesn't have an expensive routine is the one who earns the money for herself. Suggests to me she has a better grasp on how hard it is to earn money and how easy it is to lose it. I spend a reasonable amount on myself, but cannot imagine spending money that someone else has had to work for like it is water, however joint the household budget might be.

The majority of the women I know get hair extensions and Botox! I wouldn’t say out of the ordinary at all.

This is pretty reflective of my experience of marrying a high earner although I think you’re brave posting that on here as the Mumsnet hive all seem to be high earners that don’t spend a penny on beauty! I also attend a spa day once a month!

Of course it is less than nursery would cost. However, the way you are spending that money isn’t helping you - you have given up work to look after your child: are you planning on returning to the workplace when DC goes to school?
Ideally, your DH should be paying into a pension for you while you are not working, and should also be compensating you to the tune of “nursery fees”, although maybe less than the actual cost of those, which you should be saving for your future, not frittering away!
You need to sit down with him, and work out a plan for ensuring that you don’t suffer later in life for taking a career break now, agree savings Etc. and plan weekly spending for DC. Your hair and nail costs could be taken out of your “nursery fees” if necessary.
If he doesn’t like the idea of compensating you for your childcare, then think seriously about returning to work, and split the nursery fees between you based on what you each earn!

There is a middle ground between free activities/flasks of coffee vs spending £1000/month on toddler activities and a beauty regime.

I live in the SE, in a pricey area. Even if I spend as below, it only gets to £300 a month on self care.

Nails - 40
Hair - 60 (120/8 weeks)
Facial - 150
Botox - 50 (300/6 months)

Add one lunch out per week (I don't because I work) at £50/week to be generous.

That would still mean OP is spending £500 a month for all the other zoo, farm, soft play, coffees etc. No child needs to do an expensive trip out every single day. A few days at home and some lower cost activities mixed in along with keeping some of the big days out so that dad can join too at weekends means less expenditure during the week. Maybe if the dad is there for some of the fun days out, it might be a bit less galling than feeling he slogs all week to pay for things they aren't getting to do with their child.

Add all that up. It absolutely is hours upon hours. 😂

Hair extensions, out of the ordinary?

Exactly. Who can be arsed with all those appointments?

I know plenty of people who earn decent money. But no-one who has anything out of the ordinary like hair extensions, injectables or designer skin care.

Most of my friends and colleagues dye their own hair, do own nails and hair removal or might have gel nails for summer holidays and Christmas parties, not year round.

It’s actually not hours upon hours. A blow dry is 50 minutes a week. I don’t style my hair at all for the first 5 days so this is so worth it to me as it saves me insane amounts of time. I wake up and run a brush through and I’m good to go. It takes me an hour to wash and blow my hair myself.

Lashes is 40 minutes every two. Nails is 2 hours every 3. A facial is an hour a month and so is a massage. My hair may take an extra 90 minutes longer than a standard full head of highlights but the post I replied to said she got hers done every 5 and I get mine every 10, so it evens itself out.

I get up in the morning and it takes me 20 minutes to get ready. My skin is good, my hair is done. I know it’s not for everyone and but I don’t think it’s massively time consuming.

everyone I know spends a decent amount of money on their skin and hair.

Or indecent depending on your viewpoint. I’m vain but that list has made my jaw drop. The amount of time it must consume is incredible.

Yes, I think OP needs to do some budgeting. 2k for mortgage, utilities and transportation is a bit aggressive. For us, mortgage itself is over 2k. And food 1k. We also need to budget in rainy days and holidays, which can be 500 each. So essentials already costs 4k a month. .

Mine often want to go to the pool ect but the pool with all the slides which is a drive away. We have amenities near us but a lot of the good stuff is a drive/train ride away. They love taking food to the loch and playing in the woods the most, which is free apart from the transport. To be honest a lot of the actual cost is getting places. Most of the time it works out cheaper to drive but they like the train and they don’t ask me “are we nearly there” a million times so it’s worth it.

I get my nails (hands and toes) done every 3 weeks. Lashes every fortnight, brows once a month. I have hair extensions so I get a weekly blow dry as this saves me so much time as I don’t need to style my hair for the majority of the week. I used to get a monthly full body wax but in the end I had a course of laser hair removal which I think has saved me so much time and money in the long run.

I also get a monthly facial and alternate between a hydrafacial and microneedling. I am currently following a medicated skincare regime which I pay for monthly. I get a full body massage every month which I’m not sure counts as a beauty treatment as it helps me tremendously with chronic pain but I know people would count it as such so I included it in the total.

My hair is every eight weeks but this includes a full take out of extensions, full head of highlights with olaplex and extensions putting back in. Then I have ad hoc things that happen every few months like injectable skin boosters and I buy new extensions every 6.

I always find it interesting on threads like these where posters claim to be very high earners but also claim this kind of stuff is vanity and they would never spend the money on it. My DH works in finance and his job is very heavily male dominated. The majority of his colleagues have set ups similar to us (working husband, SAHM) and they all have similar grooming routines. I know there are some who spend so much more with monthly very expensive laser co2 facials.

Our friendship circle contains similar high earners and I think the only woman I know that doesn’t have an expensive routine grooming routine is a doctor in a hospital. But everyone I know spends a decent amount of money on their skin and hair.

I'll only have approx £13k to lpay for everything when I retire at the end of the month, so it certainly seems excessive to me!

I may have to colour my hair at home with box dye...

if my DH was on £170k a year I would not expect to be living a life where I have to take coffee in a flask and sandwiches everywhere I go

This is exactly what we do/did esp when we were going out regularly with the children. We earn more individually than OP’s husband. Not because we are stingy but it just made more sense than wasting money on coffee and sandwiches from cafes.

Depending if you think money is to be spent without thinking much if you have it or you think that even when having money you should use it with a bit of care. You need to compromise.

I think £250 per week is a lot, no matter how much your DH earns. When my DD was young and I was on ML or working PT, we join our soft play with a membership. A single day session was around £12, the membership for the month was £16. I guess I could have paid each time, because I had the money, but why would I do that? Same with lunch, you don't need to have lunch out every time, you can do a picnic, or come back home for lunch sometimes....you also don't need to be out doing activities that cost money every single day. With tha amount of money you are spending, I can only think you are out paying for activities and lunches all the time

I actually found whenever I offered my children a choice (and we did do plenty of days out just not all the time) they always picked something simple.
Quite often I would say " we can do whatever you like today, what do you pick?" (I was a single mum but had money) And they would choose to play football in the park, or go on a bus ride to the pool or something (even though Lego land /Peppa pig world, zoos etc were all options)

Go back to work. For your own financial protection.