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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How much would you expect to spend weekly if your DH earned this?

512 replies

Righan · 04/09/2025 14:03

DH earns around 170k.

I gave up work (well paid also, around 80k) to look after dc. I was used to spending what I wanted when I was working.

i have access to the money, that’s not the issue.

I spend around 250 a week for me a one dc for our activities, getting my hair done (not every week for that but an example), nails, lunch, soft play, farms, zoo, or whatever. Our other expenses like food and petrol are on top of this. We do online shop.

DH can’t understand how I get through this and wants me to rein it in. I think it’s hugely stingy given his income. We are comfortable. AIBU? We only really see him at weekends and part of me feels he should have no say in what we do to get through the week!!

OP posts:
Luxio · 04/09/2025 14:12

Righan · 04/09/2025 14:09

@Luxio out of 170k?!

Show quote history

What he earns is not the key part of this. He doesn't think it's necessary to be wasting so much each week on frivolous stuff and to be honest it's not. Just because he earns a good wage doesn't mean you should just spend excessively.

FloweringDaisy · 04/09/2025 14:12

I can see how you spend that easily. £15 baby class/kids class, £20 lunch, £15 soft play, £5 coffee… Throw in a haircut once a month and you’ve easily spent £250pw

However it’s totally reasonable to restrict that kind of spending and have more free/very low cost days. Church playgroups are a couple of quid at most. Play dates at friends houses and host each other for brunch. And so on… Zoo/farm trips should be an exciting special treat, not a regular occurrence in my opinion.

All money should now be family money and I’m afraid in my view he definitely does have a say in how much you spend. Is he having a sensible, open discussion about it? Isn’t it more important to save for a rainy day or children’s house deposit?

Original poster
Righan · 04/09/2025 14:11

Nostylequeen · 04/09/2025 14:10

My dh earns a good amount over that and I certainly don’t spend £250 a week and we are very comfortable. Sounds like you are really taking advantage.

@Nostylequeen really?! I thought 250 was good going, it’s far less than nursery would cost

OP posts:
squidsin · 04/09/2025 14:11

I don't think that's excessive if you've got a decent household income. Everything is expensive! My household income is less than half yours and I allow £150 a week for everything non-essential for me and two teens, and that just vanishes. Mind you, I'm a single parent so there's always something I haven't factored in that needs paying - car/house/kids/pet related bills. I think your husband is being a bit tight, unless you've got a gigantic mortgage and huuuge bills and really can't afford it.

UpUpAwayz · 04/09/2025 14:11

Righan · 04/09/2025 14:09

@Luxio out of 170k?!

Show quote history

It’s not out of 170k, he doesn’t take that home, probably more like 120k after pension, tax etc so around 10%.

MotherofPufflings · 04/09/2025 14:10

That's a lot of money to essentially fritter away every week. Our joint income is considerably more than that and we don't spend that much, although tbf no young children to entertain

Nostylequeen · 04/09/2025 14:10

My dh earns a good amount over that and I certainly don’t spend £250 a week and we are very comfortable. Sounds like you are really taking advantage.

Ineedpeaceandquiet · 04/09/2025 14:10

£170k =£8500 per month net.
£1000 pcm is roughly 12.5% on 'fun', does sound a bit much.

I would say an average £150 a week would be enough.

UpUpAwayz · 04/09/2025 14:10

I agree with pp that is way too much. 100-150 would be more than enough, why do you have to do multiple days out a week as well as eating lunch out? You could easily be saving an extra 5k a year towards your DCs future. Yes 170k is a big wage but if you also have high outgoings then spending over £1k a month on bits and bobs is not affordable. How much does he take home and what are your other expenses? And how much does DH spend on stuff for himself like hobbies etc?

Original poster
Righan · 04/09/2025 14:09

Luxio · 04/09/2025 14:06

I'm not sure why you're surprised he wants you be more mindful of spending, £250 seems very excessive each week. It's approximately £13k a year on hair, nails and days out.

@Luxio out of 170k?!

OP posts:
NotEnoughKnittingTime · 04/09/2025 14:08

I think £250 each week is quite a lot! This sounds similar to another post recently about a SAHM saying partner was being tight with money but she had loads each month.

Luxio · 04/09/2025 14:06

I'm not sure why you're surprised he wants you be more mindful of spending, £250 seems very excessive each week. It's approximately £13k a year on hair, nails and days out.

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