How much would you expect to spend weekly if your DH earned this?

My household income is a lot higher than yours (I earn about 60% if it but we both contribute high salaries to the pot), and DH and I have £400 each in personal spends a month.

£250 week sounds very high.

170k presumably is gross.

So it isn't just 13k out of 170k, it's 13k out of whatever is left after tax, deductibles, and then of course bills, any mortgage, living costs food etc.

£250 a week is a lot to spend on frippery.

OP I earn about the same as your husband. My husband also works and earns c. 1/4 of my pay. So overall we have a very healthy household income, also with one child.

We live sensibly, my husband would probably argue frugally because I’m always aware that situations can change in a flash. We budget and plan activities accordingly.

It sounds like your £250 spent doesn’t include weekend costs when your husband is home. So £50 a day during the week is quite a lot, even with a child at home. You’re obviously saving on nursery costs but that doesnt mean the equivalent cost should be spent without some sort of discussion with your husband about how the finances of your house will work. It’s a partnership - speak it out together and settle on something that’s reasonable to him but still allows you and your DC to enjoy yourself during the week.

I earn this, and our household income is higher and I think £250 a week frittered away is lots.

Nails is what £40 every two weeks. Zoo is £50 max, and you wouldn’t go every week. Soft play £20. Lashes £45 every two week, lunch out with a child £40/50? .what are you spending it on?

I do spend my money on clothes and hobbies but not so much on this frippery stuff

I think you need to separate out the getting nails & hair done, from the activities with kids.

Maybe he is looking at how he can be at home more, going part time, changing jobs to something that pays less etc, and wants to start cutting back to accommodate this.

Op, my dh is on a much, much higher salary and we have our kids in a private schools. I’m a sahm and I still really think that’s too much. We were/ are both in banking and finance so maybe that’s why I can’t justify spending money this way 🤣 I would rather invest.

I'm now beginning to place a finger on why so many objectively well-off people seem to think they are poor.

(Spoiler - I think it's because they piss it up the wall.)

It is way cheaper than nursery but it does seem like a huge amount. I am saying that though as someone who has never, and will never (am at top wage bracket of my profession now), earn that much and am used to having fun on much less money. Can you both agree a clear budget with a particular amount of fun money each and then a budget for DC activities?

Our household income is a fair bit higher than that and I am completely in favour of all money being joint, but even I think £250/week on nothing much is a lot. You need to agree an approach together- yes you're comfortable but maybe your husband has other plans (early retirement?)

This must be a difficult dynamic to find yourself in; wouldn’t you rather be working and have your own money?
Otherwise why not put together a budget, agree it and stick to it?

If I was your DH I'd be a bit pissed off at working my arse off so you can fritter it away on nails, hair and lunches. I earn a lot more than him and wouldn't dream of spending that. Why do you need your nails and hair done so much? Wouldn't you rather that money went towards your family's financial security? Seeing as you're a one wage family, wouldn't it be better to save it so that you have a cushion in case he was ill and unable to work?

Remember.he is paying a lot of tax on that. So his take home will be a lot less than two people earning £85k.

There’s a difference though between martyrdom and spending a thousand pounds a month on going to the zoo and the like.

We only really see him at weekends and part of me feels he should have no say in what we do to get through the week!!

I really dislike the above statement. Just because someone isn't physically present does not mean they are not entitled to wonder how their money is spent, or to have a say in joint finances.

It sounds like a lot to be honest on basically nothing, if you want to spend what you want then I’d just go back to work

I've no idea, because not every week is the same and not every person is the same.

So, I would never get my nails done, but my Kindle books habit could be £50 a week.

Ultimately, this is for the two of you to work out between you, but money for your child's needs us surely a different matter to your own personal expenses?

Or go back to work and earn your own money!

Where is the money actually going? That seems a mad amount to be spending per week for you and a presumably pre-school child. They don't tend to have particularly expensive tastes.

As someone on a similar salary, £170k is great but not enough to be mindlessly extravagant. It's about £8k per month net. Presumably the mortgage and bills account for another £2.5k -.£3k, plus food, fuel, etc - easily another £1k. Then factor in savings, holidays, house maintenance - yes, there is some spare, but not if it's frittered away.

Well that’s a lot to be going through !

you need to be on the same page - how much is reasonable , how much you need saved , wether he can see a future for himself with less work that may need a bigger buffer

Seems excessive.

It's just over £100k BEFORE pension!

It's tricky OP because he does earn a lot but that is a lot of money!

Is he on board with you being a SAHM or would he prefer really for you to be working? I think one person being a SAHP only works if the working parent is fully on board.

Also is he careful with his own spending on himself? Is he a saver or a spender?

I definitely don't think it's ok for you to spend whatever you like and him have no say in it at all!

This thread will bring all the people who spend £15 a week doing a shop for a family of 6 and dye their own hair with bleach from under the sink out...

That is alot. DH is on almost the same amount, i’m a SAHM, I think £150 a week is plenty, with the occasional separate splurge on hair, clothes etc.

1000 a month on dicking around going to soft play and getting your nails done is ridiculous!

Difference is though that if your child was in nursery then presumably you’d still be bringing home that 80k which you’re not.