How much would you expect to spend weekly if your DH earned this?

Yes I agree it must depend on your circle. We’re middle class, in a nice area in the south east, circle of decent incomes and none of us have extensions or Botox and I’ve never even heard of profhilo. We tend to spend our money on overpaying the mortgage, savings, DCs savings for their future before anything else, then holidays and family experiences, nice food, DCs activities, although I do like spas so spend some money on spa days and massages.

@Righan
There is a very easy way to avoid these arguments.
You need three current accounts: one for him, one for you, and one joint account. You should also have joint savings.

All income goes into the joint current, including his pay and child benefit and anything else.
You work out together a budget, to cover all household and childcare costs, family holidays, Xmas, etc. plus joint savings.
Then decide together how much each of you will get per month for "personal" money. Then set up standing orders from the joint account to each of your personal accounts for the agreed amount.

You spend your personal money on your clothes, hair, beauty, and any treat or luxuries you want, coffees and lunches out, as well as your hobbies, socialising and anything else you buy for just you.
He does the same.
You negotiate whether your phones and cars are joint or personal, and adjust the figures accordingly.
Everything related to the children and their activities comes out of the joint, as does all household shopping and basic toiletries (but not any fancy stuff you buy for just you). Date nights and meals out or other occasions you both go to can be joint.

Then, if he doesn't spend his personal amount, he can save it in an account in his own name alone - same goes for you.
Any fancy tech or hobbies or sports equipment he gets for himself has to come out of his personal account, plus his clothes, as well as any socialising he does without you - that might make things clearer for him.

This system avoids any arguments when you have different attitudes or values or spending habits.
It is totally clear and transparent, and most importantly separates your personal spending from the children's costs.

People find their tribe 🤷‍♀️ Back in the day MN was a very London centric middle class enclave. As it has grown I’m sure the demographics have shifted a bit but they haven’t been upended.

There are hundreds of thousands of people in UK earning more than £170k. That a few 100 of them regularly post on MN shouldn’t be surprising

Don’t forget a lot of that 170k is taxed at 50%, plus the Personal Allowance is lost. So as others have said, it isn’t the vast wealth you might think it is. And then there will be pension, mortgage, insurance, life insurance, car costs (to buy run and maintain), and so on and so on. Have you actually sat down with him and worked out what the family budget looks like, what you are saving for the future, and how much is left for holidays, and your hair dos and nails and other frippery. Because I think you might then see that he has a point that 13k a year (so at least 26k of his £170k) is a tad excessive.

What assumption did I make?
It's basic maths really, dropping an income = less money.
That they can "easily afford" the £250 is a huge assumption on your part as outgoing can vary enormously. It seems obvious that dropping to a single income will mean reining in spending somewhat, as does having a child.

You are assuming too much. Their income of 170k doesn't mean they are wealthy but they can easily afford the expenditure of 250 p/w.

A top income means reasonable expenditure for the OP and their son. Again, it's not just about the OP getting her nails done, it also includes moneys spent for their child.

The OP left a high paid job of 80,000k a yea to care for their son. Her DH has apparently forgotten it and is now trying to reign very average expenses for this income bracket,

I said before and will say it again, it'd be interesting to know if the OP can have access to full access to her DH bank accounts, and where the money is spent..

Possible income/expenditure:

170k income
60k pension
72k take home

30k mortgage
5k bills
7k food
6k car
6k holidays

leaves 18k of which she is spending 2/3rds of that on her weekly bits.

Your logic is really off there. Giving up a large income does not equal a right to spend as much as you want. The opposite should be true if anything.

We are a very high income household because DH, his degree and job earning capacity brings the biggest income. I've always worked but earned less money because of different professions, taking maternity time off and work around our children when they were small. It made an impact in my earning capacity and DH had no problem understanding it. I easily can spend 500 a week these days, and all my children are adults and gone.

170k is at the top income bracket in the UK and spending 250 on personal and their son expenditure when she gave up an 80,000 income job is more than reasonable. What is not reasonable is her DH tight arse.

It must depend on the company you keep because I am working class as are all of my friends and as a group the large majority of us have extensions, Botox and have more recently moved onto Profhilo. I wouldn’t call any of those things particularly out of the ordinary, I thought profhilo was but once I mentioned it to people I was surprised by the amount that have tried it.

Obviously needs to be a discussion. It's your JOINT income so you both have some say in how it is spent.

At face, yes it does seem a lot to spend. How old is your child? Do they actually appreciate the zoo? Or is it more that you need some entertainment yourself (not saying that's a problem if so).

There are definitely many cheaper options out there, especially when the weather is good. Church groups are either free or cheap, and many libraries run a rhyme time or similar. You can get to know any good parks/playgrounds in your area - most towns have at least one really good one in my experience, and if you go during school hours it is quiet enough for little ones.

However, it does sound like you can afford it pretty easily. I imagine mortgage etc is only a small percentage if thay income, especially if you had joint pre-tax income of more than 200K previously.

Ask your DH what his priorities are and what he would be happy with as a general budget. Talk to him and come to an arrangement you are both happy with.

You also don’t get a trophy for having nice hair and nails.

It’s c£100k but will be less than that as he will be making pension contributions. He is paying £70k in tax and ni.

@Righan
Yearly Monthly
Gross salary £170,000 £14,166.67

ncome Tax £62,703 £5,225.25

National Insurance £5,410.60 £450.88

Take home pay £101,886.40 £8,490.53

a take home pay of £101,886.40 is not that much more than what you were earning and off that there is the mortgage which I presume might be quite high, council tax (again high) food holidays pensions savings etc etc/ you are overspending by quite a lot on frivolous things,

Pretty rude. Tbf I am not a high earner at all, I earn £32k a year and I spend probably around £300 a month on pampering myself. I love it, it’s definitely my hobby. Nothing to do with my husband, I don’t think he’d notice if my lashes were done or not. I imagine if I earnt more I would spend way more!

That’s not even close. Even if he took it all as cash he’d only take home 100k.

If he pays 50k into a pension he’d take home 75k meaning she’s spending more like 20% of their entire net income on her week to week bits.

Take off mortgage and bills and she’ll likely be spending not far off 50% of their remaining income on her week to week stuff.

Spending a grand a month on this income is more than reasonable. Obviously it depends on mortgage repayments and nursery costs, but without knowing them, 250 p.w expenditure for a woman leaving a high paid job to look after, and pay essentials for their son, is not only reasonable, but cheap.

I always find it interesting on threads like these where posters claim to be very high earners but also claim this kind of stuff is vanity and they would never spend the money on it

This is me - both my DH and I are high earners. I get my hair cut whenever I get round to it, so about twice a year. I don’t dye my greys, don’t get my nails done. Find facials and all that kind of beauty stuff boring (and think it is a bit of a con).
My moisturiser is Vaseline body cream and my make up is BareMinerals. I dress well and buy clothes that suit me but they are all high street brands.
We can afford it but I don’t find any value in it.

We all have different things that we value - I guess I find it interesting that people spend money and time on this kind of stuff.

Attempting to spend your way out of boredom... Better to pop the child in nursery for a few days a week and go back to work. Probably more stability for the child too, rather than being dragged around indoor entertainment places and nail bars.

£7000 net income (assuming he has 10% pension and also student loan repayments) for a family is not massively high. It is a good household income but they are not vastly wealthy.

Lol I'd say hair extensions are pretty ordinary. Although I don't have them myself.

I cba to spend hours in salons getting stuff done and the hairdresser for a head full of foils? I'm twitchy before the foils are all in never mind the waiting time and cbd after

I do have spm ( eyebrows, eyeliner and lip blush) but that's only needed topping up ever 18 months or so and I get it down as a training model ( the tutor does me to demonstrate to students) and costs about £50

I recently had a 5 in 1 electrical facial for £20. These things are nice but much of the time I'm too busy to take time out of my day for them

A grand a month on basically fuck all! I can understand why he’d be pissed, you’re frittering a lot of money away!

The OP is not just spending the 250 p/w moneys on herself, It includes soft play, zoo and activities with their son.

Considering her DH yearly income, he's being a tight arse asking her to reign in average expenditure for this income bracket.

The OP only sees her DH on weekends. It'd be interesting to know where the income is accounted for. .

I used to take out food for the kids. Not that I couldn't afford a cafe but dd2 was so fussy she never liked anything or would take a bite and waste the rest. Funnily enough she does the same with her own ds but could afford to buy out

You can't "take advantage" if it is your money.