How much would you expect to spend weekly if your DH earned this?

12k a year on those types of things is huge. Take a packed lunch sometimes, stretch out hair appointments. Yes he earns well, but doesn’t mean you should waste money.

We can all say “that’s too much” or “that’s okay” but the truth is it’s between the two of you. I would sit down with him and explain how you spend £250 a week. If he wants you to cut down ask him to suggest where you cut down from.

If you’re spending loads of lunches with the kids, take a packed lunch. If it’s entry to attractions, find free or cheap ones. We have an excellent museum near us that is free, I just give a donation each time according to how much I can afford.

£170k per annum is not a huge amount after taxes.

Have you discussed financial goals? Money is one of those weird topics where no one quite agrees on the meaning of things and it’s one of the most important things to learn to communicate about within a marriage. What are your histories of money, earnings, security like? And how does that feed into your feelings about what, when and how you spend?

But to answer your question: our household income was about double yours when the DC were tiny and I would have spent about 50 week on activities and fun stuff.

But he doesn’t net £170k though, does he? He’ll be paying close to half in taxes. I’d suggest making a list of incomings/outgoings and agree on an amount: £x for beauty treatments and £x for activities.

I can see how you'd spend that.

I spend around £200 every six weeks for hair, £40 every 2 weeks for nails, a lunch out with friends is easily £40 so if you do that 5 times a month that's £200, a trip to the zoo for 2 is about £30 for an adult, £20 for a child. And the bottles of water, snacks, coffees all add up.

YANBU

Yip behave like a spoilt brat - bound to go down well and improve things

I was going to say the same thing. Totally agree.

As you have a toddler to entertain I think that sounds fine...you could obviously spend less, loads of people do...but things are expensive nowadays.

It sounds like it would be better if you joint budget an amount and agree on what it covers and you stick to that amount.

Presumably he's pretty senior to earn that kind of money so presumably has a degree of stress at work?

Maybe, despite agreeing that you give up work, he sometimes resents that you are out enjoying yourself (with your child of course) to the tune of £250 per week while he is working very long hours (you say you hardly see him during the week). I can't say I blame him tbh. I would rather share the financial burden and pay for childcare in a situation where you also have capacity to earn a good salary.

This is the main reason why I still work even though our finances are comparable. I probably do spend that, if not more, on non-essentials for myself and my DS but I don’t have to justify it to anyone.

That's a lot of money to spend ! You're not contributing to it at all so I would be rather annoyed.

How much were you and your DH saving/investing each month between you pre-DC and how much now?
Is your dynamic that you are more happy to spend what is coming in, and he prefers to put more of it away for the future? If yes, then I think a conversation needs to be had to get you aligned about your shared (financial) goals before you get into the detail of your respective grooming and entertainment budgets.
Your annual income as a couple has dropped massively, you need to both acknowledge that and make a shared plan.

That’s a lot of money to spend on fuck all. I’ve just done a quick tot up, as I’m a sahm who doesn’t really watch what I spend when it comes to my kids (two, one is nearly four and one is six months old so only really spending on the eldest at the moment) and even with swimming lessons, rugby and football, toddler group once a week, at least one day out (zoo, farm park etc) a week, we’re only spending around half what you are. Admittedly I’m not frittering away money on nails etc but still.

My main issue, to be honest, is with your wanky, petulant attitude. My husband is the sole earner in our family too, albeit on far less money, and I can’t imagine saying he gets no say because he’s only around at the weekend?! What kind of a shitty partnership are you fostering?

I think realistically if you want complete free rein to spend what you want, with zero input from your husband, you need to earn your own money and pay your own way… or you need to discuss your expectations with your husband and compare what you both think is reasonable and come to a compromise.

How much does he take home though? How much is your mortgage etc ? That’s a huge amount of money every week

Start spending more. Double it.

When he moans says “see, £250 a week doesn’t seem like so much now, does it?!”

Need to show this to DH. I am the very model of restraint.

£1,000 a month frittered away is a lot (regardless of household income)

I would vastly prefer he got to retire earlier than we threw away money. There has to be a balance fun now and financial security.

This can't be real? That's an absurd amount to spend on nothing in particular. Just do some cheaper or free activities and take a sandwich. You could cut your spending in half and still have a really lovely week.
Spending what you like when you like isn't realistic for anyone on a salaried income. Just agree a reasonable budget and stick to it.

Sorry but that is a lot. £170k is a high salary but if he’s the only one earning then it’s not huge especially after tax and if you have high outgoings, want a nice holiday each year, run cars etc. do you need your hair and nails done so often? Do you need to eat out for lunch as often or as many days out? I’d look at reducing to £200 a month.

Our household income is more than that and I think that is a lot. YABU

Our household income is more than that, and I'd think 250/w is really excessive.

He's paying a chunk of tax on that salary, unless you've quoted take home pay.

I try to keep it at 50-100 pw, including baby classes (tumbletots, why are you so expensive?!).

We rarely eat out as it's ludicrously expensive nowadays and not needed with a little one, it is much easier to eat at home

I take advantage of library and church baby groups. I can bring DC swimming using my gym membership.

We sometimes do soft play or farm but it's crazy expensive. Maybe like once a fortnight?

Our household income is a multiple of yours (sorry to sound like a prick) and honestly I would have struggled to spend £250 week in, week out when my DC were pre-school age. Are you paying for a babysitter while you get nails or hair done? Or Is your child old enough for drop off classes? Otherwise I just can’t see how I would spend £50 each and every day. Are you eating out every day? Are you spending money on activities every single day? Nails once every three weeks, hair every couple of months, clothes once in a while…unless you’re paying for really expensive options £250 each and every week sounds like a lot and actually quite difficult to achieve to me.

ETA: also, the choices aren’t “send to nursery” and “stay at home and spend equivalent”. You can have your child at home and do a few classes in the week and save loads compared to nursery fees. Nursery fees aren’t your spending limit.

Tell him not to be so tight. Enjoy x

Be careful here, you’re mixing up personal expenses for you (hair and nails etc) with costs for entertaining dc (days out). Be careful that he doesn’t lump in costs of childcare as ‘your’ expenses.

would be worth tracking a few months spending to see what it goes on and then sitting down with him to agree acceptable budgets. Make him do it too. What’s he wasting on lunches for work, coffees, beers out, hobbies? Maybe agree a budget for both of you for personal treats and spending (he won’t be so keen to cut down when he is also being reviewed) and what’s an acceptable amount to be spending on dc.