How much would you expect to spend weekly if your DH earned this?

You were insane to leave a job of 80k. There are always problems these days in a marriage when you start being financially dependent on someone.

Don't be silly. The majority of people sit well between this and spending a grand a month on nails and frivolities.

It seems a lot to me.

Easy to spend if it's not you slogging your guts out to actually earn it.

When I was on mat leave I was a bit more respectful of my DH's earnings and our future financial health so I generally took the bus and made packed lunches for days out, of course I got coffees and went out for lunch and treats as well but I was sensible about it. We are high earners but I want a safety net of savings and a comfortable retirement etc.

I think that’s wrong - think he keeps around s 60%

How is it obvious? Especially as the husband has asked her to rein it in. It’s more likely that they can’t afford it.

Didn't you post about this the other day? You basically go out and have fun and eat out every single day.

£170k is £101k post tax and NI. Then he has to add in a pension contribution.

IMO you are spending way too much and treating your life like an extended holiday. I can see why it's causing resentment. It entirely depends on what your other outgoings are though.

Also, £170k is on paper. He will not see some 62.5% of it as it goes in tax and NI

I think you also should post how much he is spending a week. If he has a couple of evenings out, a gym membership and takes DC out at the weekend it will easily be more than £250…

This doesn't make sense, you're talking about a budget for what sounds like school holidays, which is different, and you work. The OP is doing this on a permanent basis.

I've been in your situation, OP and could easily spend that much (and the only "beauty" treatment I got was a haircut once 4 times a year). Eating out instead of taking a lunch, coffees, ice cream, the odd taxi at the end of the day, soft play, theatre, swimming, it can all add up. Of course it's pretty easy to not spend so much, but it certainly makes it feel more like a fun day out for you too if you can.

I think you need to start with the question of - under what terms are you a SAHM? Is it because this is what you really wanted to do and DH said okay? Or because your DH wouldn't pick up half the responsibility and let you work in your career in a reasonable way? Or something different? Because I think the answer to that has a huge bearing on how much you can expect your joint finances to underwrite SAHM life feeling more like fun than work.

But you should also be considering - what does this look like in terms of other discretionary spending? 170k sounds like a lot, but after taxes etc, your 12k a year is a significant percentage of it. You presumably have plenty of bills etc. to pay. Is there that much money that he wouldn't think twice about spending 125 a week on discretionary stuff for himself (something he might already do - it's fairly easy to spend that on daily lunch & coffee and a round of drinks after work once a week)? Are you all able to go on the holidays you want to, or are you reigning those in a bit? Do you have decent savings? Would DC be better off with fewer activities and 60 a week put away in savings for uni or a house deposit?

I don't think these sorts of questions are simple, or ones where you're going to get much helpful commentary from the Internet where the focus is that you're a family on 4 times the income of the average working family, not what the disparity between your life and your DH's.

Put your kid in nursery and go back to work. Then you can spend £250 on a trip to the zoo and your haircut every week.

That’s a ridiculous amount to spend when one partner has told you they are unhappy with it. Save more instead of pissing it away. His income needs to fund both your lives and pensions and your child’s costs and education etc. Stop spending so much on absolutely nothing every week.

How is your example even remotely relevant if you aren’t caring for any children?

It is a lot every week, at the same time, if you usually spent this while working, it is your normal.
I'd go back to work.

There isn't a right or wrong answer here but you need to come to an agreement. No-one knows what your outgoings are, how much you have to pay off on your mortgage, how stressful your DP's job is (ie. will he want to retire early etc). All of these things impact how 'reasonable' it is for you to be spending £250 a week on hair / nails and days out.

I would strongly suggest making planning your finance a joint endeavour. It's very damaging for relationships to be pulling in different directions on this - he will feel resentful if he thinks you are 'wasting' money while he works full time and you will feel resentful if you don't think he is being stingy. Build a plan together and stick to it.

That’s a lot to spend on soft play etc!

Do you and DH have the same views on money generally? Things like level of savings, financial goals for the future, future private school fees.

Is DH’s job really stressful and long hours, and if so is it sustainable? I wouldn’t be surprised if he wants to build your net worth as a family, rather than spend over ten grand a year on petting farms and takeaway coffee! With his salary, you should be saving for the future, not seeing it as disposable income (imo).

DP and I typically earn more than your DH, and I’m on mat leave - no way do I spend that amount on baby classes etc! We have similar views on spending and saving which really helps. It’d be fine if your DH was fully on board, but he isn’t, and it’s family money.

I can see how you can get through £250 per week: a few £15 per week classes, a few lunches/coffees out, nails, a new item of clothing for you/kids each week, an evening out for you at the weekend. You could get there easily.

But you can also do it a lot cheaper. Our household income is a lot more and I don't regularly spend that on "fun extras" per week. Could you start having a few "spend nothing" days each week and see how that goes?

I spend that much but it also includes all the food shopping (which is around £150 per week of it).

Wow - I earn similar and I'd be pretty pissed off if my DH didn't work and spent that amount enjoying himself with our child every week.

He never would though because he appreciates the value of money.

What would you do if you split up or something happened to his job?

Are you planning on having more DC or using private schools, if the latter you really should be saving money now.

For me it’s irrelevant how much the overall income is. You are frittering away money and your partner isn’t happy. £250 is ridiculous to spend PW.

I think you are quite right to enjoy this time and make the most of it if that option is available to you. What does he think you ought to spend and what exactly should be cut. He isn't there during the week. If your child is busy, entertained and nourished and along with that we have a happy mummy - you are winning. You have passed up income/career progression/pension contributions along with everything else we sacrifice as mums...... good for you making the most of this time. (If you were buying drugs, alcohol, cigarettes and/or splashing out on you whilst DC had a rubbish time, my answer would be different). I suppose its time now to agree a budget so there is no resentment.

My husband earns slightly more and I feel guilty spending that much a month on hair, nails and gym membership

As an aside... why is everyone using the word frippery on this thread? I'm pretty sure it's being used incorrectly. Doesn't it refer to adornments on clothes and buildinhs?!

Keeping kids entertained is only expensive if you make it so

at the preschool age - playing in the park is free , add a bat and ball for variety. Do races. Find a small friend . Dancing round the living room . Read a story.library once a week. Art and crafts in the afternoon . Home baking. Housework games. Once a week something “different “ -and expensive - soft play if it’s been wet all week, swimming trip , cake in a cafe Or Going on the bus or train for a couple of stops

I think what you mean is keeping you entertained while looking after small kids is expensive

children don’t need new clothes weekly never mind daily

Yes but if he was in nursery you'd be earning 80k to throw into the pot 😂

I agree, maybe he’s thinking some of it could be invested in savings like ISAs for the kids, more secure future. There’s nothing wrong with being a bit more careful. I get it, when on mat leave I liked mooching around the shops and getting my coffees and some random bits here and there but when I think back I didn’t need all that stuff and it could have been invested elsewhere. It came from filling time and breaking up the day so I didn’t have to do the same stuff over and over again. But that was just a year, if this is a longer term thing then scaling back is not unreasonable