How much would you expect to spend weekly if your DH earned this?

As a percentage of take home it is significant, only the OP knows what other household bills there are that the salary needs to support.
I will add that as the major earner I sometimes have wobbles over what I see as ‘excessive or unnecessary’ spending - this is always tied to stressful periods at work where I start to worry about job security. I’m normally the one responsible for the excessive and unnecessary spending though, so it’s easier to control…

I think it also depends where you live, if for example you are in Chelsea/ South Ken - 250 a week is nothing, I spend more and I don’t have kids…..

Op I earn 50k so 3k a month plus child maintenance and I spend almost as much as you!

Oh how the other half live!

Are you not the same poster who was complaining about this a few weeks ago?

Nearly 13k a year on days out, cafes and haircuts is ridiculous.

Spending more because you can technically afford it is a lifestyle choice that limits how much can go into savings or investments. Every bit extra chips away at early retirement, better holidays, and other 'big picture' goals.

So he is going to be paying a shit load of tax on £170k. everyone is going to say it's loads of money but my household earns the same (two earners) and we get through it.
We're not flush. We do have tutors, holidays, a car and we do live in London and pay stupid amounts for everything.
But I am wearing primark pjs and a jumper from vinted. I've not had my hair done professionally for a couple of years.... you spend what you have.

Money is easy to spend whether you earn it or not. But it's also easy to ignore your responsibilities for your children if someone else picks up the slack.

So I'm asking why it is OP isn't earning. Because I think if that's because her DH will not, for instance, take a day off work if the DC is sick, get up in the night with them, to look for childcare or adjust his day to cover any pick up or drop off, if he has a job that means he's traveling from time to time and refuses to look for a different role, etc. - and those are impediments to OP working well in a job she finds fulfilling, then that's him taking the easy life that he wants. And there's no reason OP shouldn't feel she has a right to take the easier route amoung her more limited choices too. Though, of course, she could decide to make all the sacrifices instead, if she thought it was a better use of resources

On the other hand, if he's happy to pull his weight with the kids but OP has always wanted to be a sahm for years, so he's working to make that happen for her, then OP taking the easy route when it's not what her DH thought he'd agreed to is pretty disrespectful.

I am assuming here that OP is satisfied with the savings and investments for the future that they're able to make at present. If she isn't that would make things very different. But she hasn't provided any sort of detail that would make it reasonable to make judgements about that.

A grand a month to fritter will sound weird to so many people on here OP.

I'm of the mind, that if you want to spend with abandon then you need to go back to work.

Did you post this a few weeks ago

Yeah but it sounds like the the kids are home 7 days a week if she's not working. It basically is school holidays on a permanent basis. That's expensive.

To be fair when mine were this age, I budgeted £20 a week. The £200/wk came in when they hit school and I earn more.

Nursery age, we did libraries, museums, anywhere where under 3s go free. Pret does free babycinos and a 50p filter coffee if you bring your own cup. That kills an hour or two. Especially if they spill a few.

But I didn't have a rich husband. Enjoy it. Live yo life.

not insane, everyone has their own wishes, maybe they wished she does full time care for their child which is totally fine.

I think it depends on a few things...

Are you managing to save/are you agreed on long term goals.

What does he get to spend on himself in comparison.

Do you need to break budget down a bit more. £1K per month on hair and days out is a lot. But if this is including other things too then it's not so much (i.e. do you have a separate pot for dentist, birthday presents etc or is that included in the 1k).

Yeah. Our joint income is around £250k and I spend something similar to you with one 1YO DC, but also including my share of household food shop and outsourced help like cleaner/laundry.

It's obviously easily within budget and I see how you get to it (lunches add up!) but if you are also trying to do things like overpay mortgage, overpay pensions, save for private school, have a big family holiday etc then you need to weigh that.

It might be that you need these things or you'll go mad, so it's a choice of slightly spendy SAHM or nursery and you/DH prefer DC to be with mum for a few years more than you want to overpay mortgage or have DC in private school. But weigh them against those things.

Have you ever had to live frugally? Just curious.

sorry but 170k or not, weekly spend on activities with a dc is too much (i do not care the age) What are they doing? going to thorpe park weekly?

Just because DH earns 170k you don't have to spend it all. I think it's a tad excessive to be honest and you may regret one day, spending that much money on stuff. Of course you want to enjoy time with your DC but you don't need to spend £50 every weekday in order to do that. It's a lot and not what I'd call responsible spending - like I said, just because you have it now, doesn't mean you need to spend it.

If your DC is/are still young enough for soft play, then they're still young enough to have a lot of fun with much cheaper outings (and packed lunch). Or staying at home doing finger painting etc. A lot of the spending is probably more for your benefit than for theirs.

I was a SAHM when our kids were small and my DH was earning about £200K. I did a lot of activities/classes and outings with them and it didn't come to nearly £250 a week (and I was spending more than most people).

When DH was on a similar income I had about £150 a week for that sort of thing. He had £125 a week (I had more as had to take to softplay etc). DH is on around 300k now and we both get 1k a month spends so I suppose roughly what you’re spending now.
(I have always worked but have never earned much)
He probably takes home around 8ish, if you both have 1k to spend that leaves 6ish which after a London mortgage, probably £600-700 on food, plus all bills won’t leave very much for savings and the future. You guys should be maxing out on that now.
But surely you just sit down and work out what comes in and what you both think is reasonable to come out? Tbh this should have been done before you stopped work?

You need to decide together what is reasonable to spend on
A- whatever you like
B- whatever your DH likes
C- enrichment activities, toys, books, clothes etc for your child(ren).

Look for season tickets for venues... for example at our nearest zoo, its £25 for a day ticket or £70 for a year. A monthly visit is well worth a season ticket. (Plus you can leave after two hours of the weather turns or they get bored etc).

That’s a lot of money to not include food and petrol, I don’t think he’s being unreasonable asking you to be more mindful.

Just be careful I was a sahm for many years and did a little Saturday job, but I had x and he had x after bills yet it was always me paying for birthdays Xmas, clothes for ds etc etc out my my pot his went on crap,
Just make sure if u do end up been a sahm u budget accordingly,
If you do not like the budget you will have to return to work part time!
Think about your future also though! If u where to split are u secure at least if in employment it's easier to go back ft

250 a week for doing a few activities sounds expensive, but is not if you're including a nail salon, buying a fe drinks, popping in to the cinema, buying a book your child likes etc etc etc. It all quickly adds up.
170 k = c£1,950 weekly take home. Once bills / mortgage etc etc are taken into consideration, you are effectively spending a fair old chunk of the weekly take home.
Whether this is bad or not depends on your saving priorities. Could you reduce the amount by taking food and drink with you, using a membership (e.g. repeat visits to ZSL, doing low/no cost things like just going to the park or doing crafts at home or cooking?)
Your DH could be like my Ex in so far as he thought being at home with our DD was just a fun frolic. Or maybe he has a point.
Maybe you're bored and spending too much. Certainly it sounds like you're exercising your right to spend (as if you were still earning and had no children)

Fundamentally though as soon as you give up your career / your own earnings, you're at the mercy of everyone else. And even the most generous husband, can be an arse about it at times. My own DH, who earns 10 times as much, still very occasionally picks me up on spending. I spend less than you and still work for this very reason so can legitimately tell him to foxtrot Oscar. By contrast you need to have a conversation about what is reasonable as he is the one funding this activity and choice.

I guess op saying they were comfortable means it's obvious they can afford it IMO.

Fwiw even though they can afford it, I think its taking the absolute piss!

Our joint income is more than double yours and I'd still think a lot was being frittered away. Do you want private education for your DC? Do you want them to go to university? These things are expensive and need saving for from an early age