How much would you expect to spend weekly if your DH earned this?

I’m in a similar situation, ie husband has a good income, I’m a SAHM. The way we sort things out is that he sends me money per month for myself, and all children’s expenses are handled by the joint account which he pays into and we have joint access to. I wouldn’t commit significant money to children’s activities without discussing with him first because it is both of our money. It makes it simpler for me to spend ‘my money on me’ without having to justify my spending to him or feel any guilt and also the children get to do their classes and play dates etc., and husband can easily see where the money is going. I wouldn’t do an expensive day trip without my husband as he would like to go to the zoo or whatever as well, so we would save that for the weekend when he can join us.

I was responding to you spending over £5000 on activities with your child? She's spending approximately £13000?

A lot of these places like zoo etc offer annual membership so shouldn't need racking up costs every week. Just buy membership to your favourite three places.

Food really adds up these days. I can see how you could spend £50 a day on food, drinks, snacks alone for two of you.

Does this money also cover clothes for you and DD, birthday and Christmas presents, things like your mobile phone, gym and subscriptions, make up, personal costs like hobbies and your own socialising? If it does then I don't think it's too bad tbh.

@Righan 12k a year for two people to have a nice life . I wouldn’t be reigning anything in . He can either spend it on his wife and kid or he can pay for full time child care.
Ypu gave up a decent wage to be a sahm why should you be stuck in with no money .

@Luxio not just on the pre-school child - OP also says things for herself like hair and nails.
If she has no income of her own, then I personally think £5000 a year out of a £170,000 income is pretty good. I actually don't think that too much to consider for all social and "nice" expenses for herself and a child.

I'd go back to work if I was you

But also, YOLO. What’s the point in earning well if you’re not gonna enjoy it. Once bills and savings are looked after, who cares.

The problem with that argument is that you’d pay nursery out but bring £80k in.

If that is your argument for your spending, it’s no wonder he’s not going for it.

Ultimately, although it is ‘family money’ you both need an equal say on what happens to it, you don’t get to just take £13k a year for fun stuff without him being in agreement, while not earning anything for yourself.

I spend more than you (but my child is older) but I earn my own money. My husband wouldn’t care what I spent even if I didn’t, but I wouldn’t spend in excess of what we could afford - which I think you are. My husband earns considerably more than yours, and on his salary alone I would not feel comfortable blowing through £250 a week on nothing.

If your child is nursery age, there is so much to do for free and very cheaply! I spent very little at that age. It’s now that she’s a tween that I can’t open my front door and step outside without kissing goodbye to £100 a time….

That's still over £5000 a year though on trips out and activities which again is a huge amount for a pre school aged child who would be just as content with a packed lunch an afternoon at the park, library or other much cheaper activity.

We earn a similar amount as a household (so take home more than your DH will net) and I would be having words with DH if he was spending £250 per week every week.

We each get £500 personal spends a month, and can dip into the joint account if they run out - but neither of us would ever be spending £1,000 month on month. And I get lunch and dinner out regularly, have my nails done every 3 weeks, hair cut and coloured every quarter and a skin care regime that costs about £50 a month, so we’re hardly scrimping.

Our income is similar, our outgoings are probably similar or a bit less, don’t really keep an accurate running total.

But for example last week DD went to soft play twice, probably £25 total including snacks.
Nails for me £38 every few weeks.
I don’t get my hair done.
Spent £160 in Sainsbury’s on about 15 items - medicines, school trousers, a candle, a Lego set for DD (£14), couple of greetings cards
Spent £125 on school shoes (2 pairs) - not sure if that comes under the type of spending you’re talking about?
Think that’s probably it for last week. Plus 3 days of nursery fees!

£160 on Ocado (family of 5). Just waiting for a £28 Deliveroo Co-Op shop to arrive, milk, fruit, choc bars for the kids after their first day back etc. Spending like that is pretty common for us on that income.

Against the grain here but I don't think that sounds too much at all! Not for everything you've listed. I have 2 days off a week with DC and spend about £100 by the time we've done various things. So I think £250 a week based on his salary is fine! Especially if that include hair & nails every month or so!

Surely it depends on what your household expenses are, how much your DH has to spend on himself, how much as a couple you hope to save/invest for the future, how much you both spend on other things such as cars/holidays etc.

On the face of it, it sounds a lot, and certainly more than most would spend. But most people don't have a DH who earns £170k.

The best thing to do would be for the two of you to sit down and do a budget of where your money goes, and then decide what is reasonable to spend on your DC's entertainment (zoos, soft plays etc), and your own 'fun money' (hair, nails, clothes, lunches out etc).

Just because you have it doesn’t mean you should mindlessly spend it.

Do you also having savings and actively save each month?

The pair of you need to sit down together and go through your joint financial goals together. On that salary, presumably he is putting a shit ton into his pension to reduce tax burden. The results of that is that your net household income is probably substantially lower than you think. My husband earns about the same as that, I earn a bit less but also over £100k so do the same to a lesser degree. The results is that net income after tax and pension for each of us is about £5500.

I am currently assuming he is doing similar and therefore your net monthly income is around the same. You have mortgage (or rent, but unlikely on that income), council tax, utilities, food, transport etc to pay. By the time you take all those into account, how much are you left with? Just eyeballing it, it could easily be down to about £2500. And then you spend £1000 on hair, nails, soft play and lunch with friends. I have not considered saving for holidays or home repairs, let alone school fees, if planned.

Whether you think your spending is excessive or not, listen to him and his concerns. Try to understand where he is coming from and find mutual ground. If you keep spending, that is the way to resentment and once that sets in, it can be very, very hard to find your way back. e.g. He is potentially feeling he is the only one putting money into a pension that will have to keep you both in old age, and working to look after you both in retirement while watching you living it up (from where he is sitting) off his labour.

Attitude to money is one of the hardest things couples find to agree on and have open dialogue. It is worth it though, and to be checking in on it regularly to make sure nothing has changed.

Does he earn £170k or take home £170k? There’s a big difference.

Well we're on a similar amount (between two earners), and I agree with you.

The DH's income needs to cover pensions and savings for 3 people minimum.

My husband is on 100k and he's a bit deluded in thinking he could support me SAHM AND meet our savings objectives etc.

I think you've misread. She clearly states this is what she spends outside of other bits like food shopping and petrol.

Our other expenses like food and petrol are on top of this. We do online shop.

You’re spunking a lot of family money on nonsense.

She’s not spending it on necessities, it’s the equivalent of pocket money.

People are being a bit mental about this. A family weekly food shop for 3 is easily £100 these days. Maybe more. Then a weeks worth of petrol is £50. A few soft plays and farms and you're up to another £50. Maybe she could shave it down a tiny bit but this is hardly Marie Antoinette stuff.

I would expect to sit down with my husband, look at all sources of income. Then list all routine necessary expenditure, mortgage, utilities, food, car costs, subscriptions etc. including things that are paid annually.
Then agree how much we want to put in savings, give to charity, spend on house updates etc.
Then see what’s left and agree how much we budget for fun money, both shared and individually.

There seem to be so many of these posts where these very important financial conversations between partners aren’t happening.

😂 brilliant x

I think most of us think that £250 a week on activities and beauty treatments is a lot because is far over the level of money most people would have to spend on these things.

Obviously if you have a family income of £170k a year then it’s not such a huge percentage, but I wonder if your DH is hoping that working hard and bringing in this high salary now will mean a larger amount could be saved, either for holidays or spending on your home for which you all benefit, or perhaps he could be considering saving for early retirement? Or putting money away for your DC for university or housing? I think you and your DH are both unreasonable here in not discussing your finances and expectations.

You must know that your statement that you only see him weekends and he shouldn’t have a say in what you spend in the week is wholly unreasonable though! I get that you are caring for your DC and possibly other household stuff and shouldn’t feel you have to be justifying every expenditure of what is, family money, but you need to have some kind of joint agreement here.

£250 per week is quite a lot, but then is over £3k per week salary for DP.

I am not sure it's unreasonable if the hair and nails bill is £200 p/w and the days out with kids is £50 p/w... but if it's more like 50% hair and nails, 50% kids then its certainly reasonable