How much would you expect to spend weekly if your DH earned this?

It seems a lot to me.

I think 150 would be plenty.

Can't you make a list of free activities:
Feed the ducks
Forest walks
Playgrounds
Library groups

Cheap activities:
Cinema mornings
Community centre clubs
Hotel petting farm, just buy coffee.

Do 3 free activities per week and 2 paid activities.

Arrange Deli picnic food or bring your own snacks?

Invest in a portable, thermal coffee flask. BYOC.

I can't stand this attitude towards SAHM. If they've agreed for her to stay home then all earned money is household money and she's just as much right to it as he has. It's not free money, her contribution will be essential to him earning what he does. My DH would be screwed if I went back to work, not a chance could he work how he does if he had to worry about picking ups and drop offs and after school club and ballet and swimming and cooking and cleaning and grocery shopping etc etc.

It works out at just under £200 a month on grooming (that I put into a savings pot for when the time comes), leaving £300 for other fun spends. Gifts are budgeted out of joint income so not from the £500, and no glasses, very little spend on clothes etc. Some
months we spend less on “fun” if we have a big event for example.

It’s not unusual for one of us to run out and spend from the joint account instead, but the joint account can’t afford to sub us a further £500 every month, so there’s not as much spending as OP.

I don’t see how people are saying that’s too much. If you have it - why not, obviously if it’s causing a problem, it’s time to have a conversation about that, which I’m sure you will and come to an agreement.
But in the scheme of things I would say in comparison to the income, that is okay.
Things add up. I could easily spend that in a week and I’m nowhere near that income. Not even close.

Personally, I think it’s fine. Everything is relative to income and outgoings, but I wouldn’t consider £250/week excessive based on what you’ve said.

so far not down far!

We each get £500 personal spends a month, and can dip into the joint account if they run out - but neither of us would ever be spending £1,000 month on month. And I get lunch and dinner out regularly, have my nails done every 3 weeks, hair cut and coloured every quarter and a skin care regime that costs about £50 a month, so we’re hardly scrimping

So £450 a month (minus skincare) for regular lunch & dinner out, nails, clothes, activities, dc's activities. How do you make the money go down far?

We've a very similar set up in terms of his salary and my previous salary. DH transfers me 1k a month to my personal account for incidentals and personal spending. It doesn't all go on days out etc, I'll sometimes pay for bits of shopping, clothes for the kids or whatever but it sounds like a reasonable amount to me. Tbh my question would be is it a similar amount that he has for discretionary spending. If he's being really restrained and you're spending loads then he's got a point, but if he's also got plenty to spare then it's only fair that you do too.

But people will tell you they earn 500k & spend £10 a week....

I think that’s a lot, especially as it is just for 5 days during the week, and then there are presumably more lunches, outings and activities en famille.

I don't think it's that bad tbh!

You can't complain if you are getting free money. Maybe get a job

Have you got a household budget? We did one a year ago and it was eye opening. Money saving expert has a good template. Makes you look at the whole picture, including savings and investments and assign a budget for days out/ stuff like this. Do one together and it will help you agree on what’s the figure you can actually afford and is reasonable for your discretionary spending with your DC.

Difference is if she was working and using child care the household income would be nearly £5k a month more.

It's not possible to say based on household income alone. For example, if you are free from a mortgage and any other debt, have plenty of savings and a decent investment portfolio then I think it's fine.

I think that you are living in proportion to your income. It's also cheaper than the childcare you'd need. MN is massively into hoarding money. I often wonder if that's why people end up so bitter.

I think I’d struggle to spend that a week but then I’ve never been in a position to do so and everything is relative.

I think the above poster who said if he was in nursery you’d be earning£80k has a point.

If you were earning £80k and paying history and still spending £250p/w on frivolities you’d probably still have change!!!

I think the solution here is to sit down together and show where it’s going.

If you’re doing 3 day trips a week at £50 a time you could look at cheaper alternatives?

But the truth is some classes are expensive, days out are expensive etc and if your DH wants your DS to be home with you rather than nursery he may also need to compromise up from his expected outgoing and meet you somewhere in the middle.

That also means as well as adjusting the monetary side of it picking some of the household tasks side of things too if he suggests you returning to work!

OP what does your other personal spending amount to? Petrol, car insurance, your clothes etc. I bet if you add it all up it's a lot.

And this makes you feel good ?

Oh I see @Luxio , I mis-read.
Well, what I spend on my child is my choice. This isn't about me. You have no idea where I live or how expensive it is around me. The other day I went to a local play area and the parking alone was £7.50 for the day.

I was simply sharing my opinion that I don't think under the OP circumstances the amount she is spending is something that should be worried about. I think it sounds just fine!

Playing devil’s advocate here but does he know how much things cost? My ex wouldn’t have a clue how much things cost eg hot drinks at a cafe or entry fee at soft play never mind nails and hair. I have a teen son so know how much it costs to go to a barber and he would be shocked at the amounts that women spent including stuff like colour.

I assume that the problem is a different in attitude. He earns a lot but doesn’t want to spend it all- he would like to save towards other stuff maybe private education, holidays etc Many high earners are nervous about losing their jobs so won’t want to live month to month.

She states clearly in her OP that the £250
does not include food or petrol.

I'm impressed you afford all this on £500 a month!

All it would take is for me to need a new pair of glasses and a haircut, plus a few friends' birthdays and that would be all of it gone.

Does it include clothes & cosmetics?

I think you should return to work and bill him for childcare as you are largely parenting alone.