How much would you expect to spend weekly if your DH earned this?

It really depends on the deal the two of you have between you

Make a packed lunch, put your coffee in a thermos and put that money in investments for your child’s future! Go to some church toddler groups, get an annual pass to the wildlife park and meet up with other mums in some parks.

£13k a year! If not a JISA for 18+ then at least an ISA to pay for their education.

Your husband is probably putting £60k in a pension for both of your futures (I hope!), then paying tax on £110k means take home of ~£70k after tax and any other deductions for benefits etc. so at most £6k a month and you are spending over 18% on frivolities! That’s fine when you’re both earning but you now have one income not just paying all the bills but saving for your futures. Yes he earns well and you are still doing better than most people on this forum but I expect your cost of living (mortgage, bills, etc) are higher too. You are eating into all the disposable income that is your “gap”.

Get a grip on reality! Or put your child in nursery 3 days a week and go back part time and fund your own nails.

She might spend more than what others and her DH deem an acceptable amount but it's a piece of nonsense to suggest she is taking advantage as they are both working.

Having been in a similar situation to OP it is really lonely being alone all week with a small child and OP is probably spending more to get out of the house and have some company, I know I did. Even going to the local cafe for an hour felt better than sitting at home all day.

I also spent more on clothes as my lifestyle completely changed. It is a massive shift going from a full time, professional job to being at home with a child. It did settle down but I definitely spent more than I thought I would.

It’s fine as long as you can afford it.

it might be helpful for you to know:

how much money is left over as family after bills are paid.

how much of the £250 is being spent in relation to “childcare” (classes, trips, associated lunches and coffees)

How much is really just your spends? And how does that equate to your DHs spends?

£250 a week?

Fuck off hen!

PS - I do also have some sympathy with your DH. It is a huge pressure being the sole earner in a family. Even though my salary was low in the pre school years it was comforting for my DH to know that I kept my hand in and could up my pay relatively easily.

I now do school friendly hours and bring in enough to cover our basic monthly bills. It takes the pressure off.

You need an agreed budget for the kids and and an agreed budget for personal spends. You and he should have the same amount for personal spends. Outs is generous as we earn over your amount between us, but the key thing is the fun money is the same for each person

A grand a month on what you describe sounds like a lot to me.

As for what I would expect to spend it would depend what we had to pay for essentials such as housing and bills, what our savings plans were, what he expected to spend on fun stuff, etc.

What does he spend per week?

Is he aware that he would be spending more than that if he were paying nursery fees?

When my DC were younger and I worked very part time I got £500 per month in my sole account for my personal spending (hair, clothes, meals out with friends) and then any spending with the DC came out of the joint account.

I would suggest you get back to work ASAP. It doesn't matter how other families manage their finances he is showing you that he thinks all the money is his. It is a warning for the future.

How much does he spend a week on lunches, hobbies, socialising etc? Can you see this? To be honest with his salary I don’t think that’s too much at all. If he spends a lot less I expect if he was home with a young child it would go up. If you always spent this when you earned too then it’s hard to then cut back on everything unless money is tight and you have to I imagine?

£1000 per month is a lot to be spending on days out and other luxuries. Maybe your husband wants you to rein it in so he can save more in case of emergencies. Say if he were to go off sick or something or maybe if circumstances changed beyond control and you no longer have that £170k per year income.

Not if either of you earn over 100k

Spending on your child is diff from
hair nails lunch for you

but a £1k a month seems a lot

If your bills/mortgage are covered and you are saving exactly what you both want each month then £250 doesn’t seem an issue with his salary.
I very much believe that I work hard and my 2 children benefit from what I have after bills/savings. You literally have 1 life, enjoying it with your children in a comfortable position is an absolute blessing

This is something you should have jointly discussed when you jointly decided on you giving up work to look after your joint child..
It's a huge amount

You can get 30 free hours now

I don't see the issue if you can afford it and both agreed you give up work while dc is young. I imagine you have savings and decent pensions from those salaries pre dc.
Presumably you'll be going back to work when dc is in school so it's only for a few years? If you're in the fortunate position of being able to take care of yourself and do nice things with your dc without worrying about budgeting I don't think it's unreasonable to take advantage of that!

There are only 4 weeks per month. How are you making it £2k?

It isn't even as much as that. Assuming he is putting the full tax free £60k in per year, leaving gross of £110k, then the net is about £72k/year or £6k a month. If he is paying even more into pension to avoid the over £100k tax trap and tapering the tax on pension contributions over £60k, the net monthly income can drop further. The maximum monthly net income while keeping below £100k threshold is actually only around £5650 a month.

It is still a great salary, but if this is what he is doing and OP is spaffing £1k on hair and nails, you can begin to see they haven't aligned on common financial goals.

This is great advice!

Its a good idea for you personally to work out what its spent on and see if its all necessary.. I'd separate the hair and nails stuff - that's personal spending for you although if you have given up your job to look after DC, you should still have some spending money.

Its also a great idea for him to also tot up what he spends on things.

I agree its less than you'd spend on nursery or a nanny, particularly if he's not at home at all during the week, and only on weekends.

Presumably you gave up an £80k career and benefits because you both wanted to have you looking after your dc for the time being and are the available parent if DC needs to see GP or is sick (and therefore couldn't be at nursery)
At the same time, its quite a big change and can be really lonely giving up work, especially since he's not around.

Were you both in agreement about you giving up work or did you have to persuade him? Did he say why he was annoyed by the spending? Maybe its a chance to find out if there's any other reasons why he wants you to cut back?

I also think you are missing out on NI contributions.. and should maybe consider saving some of that weekly spend in a tax free ISA and in case you want to do some short courses to retrain.

Kindle book habit £50 a week?! Just get kindle unlimited!

Oh that is a lot then

It's not unreasonable given your circumstances.

But this is why nothing on earth would ever persuade me to give up work and have to depend on a man's income..The thought of having to defend my spending to a man is anathema to me..

She says that it doesn't include the food shop or the petrol.