How much would you expect to spend weekly if your DH earned this?

That’s a crazy amount of money to spend each week

What if husband falls ill and can’t work? You would have to rein it in then?
£250 a week? That’s a weekly wage for some .

You're pissing a grand a month up the wall and wonder why he's annoyed ? Your now 80k down AND still spending close to what nursery fees would be if you stayed in work

£250 per week isn't that crazy. We are similar and don't earn quite as much.
Tell him to swap roles for a month.
If your earnings are this much then why the hell not enjoy the finer things in life?

As long as you can afford it (I.e. no debts etc) I think it's fine. It's both of your money, given that you left your job to care for DC and you should be able to spend as you wish (I am clearly a minority view though!)

*someone out of work

I wouldn't, it would be irrelevant as I've always spent/earnt my own money and never had a joint bank account...
It seems a fair amount for someone in employment , but pretty excessive for someout out of work.

Our household income is £100k higher than yours (and we live in a lower tax country) and our monthly budget for things that fall into that bucket is about 150/week. That includes DH’s haircut. We do save a lot though (c. 30% of pre tax) and have £800/month childcare costs.

what are your outgoings and what are you saving?

But I’m guessing his £170k is before tax, pension etc! You sound very entitled and I think he’s right to question how you waste money!

I think it nowhere near compensates you for pausing your career. Is he offering to continue paying into a pension for you? Or calculating what his half of childcare would be? Until the impact is equalised I think he is getting a very cost effective nanny and whatever else you are managing

The key question is does the £250/week include the cost of renting a container for OP to keep her inflated sense of entitlement in?

What does your DH spend on non routine bills?

Honestly, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. I’d just keep track of what you’re spending and split it into your bits vs DC activities, then sit down with DH and compare it to his spends. Don’t forget you’re already saving a fortune on childcare/house help by being at home. And tbh, I totally get it – people are saying £250 is loads, but it’s so easy to hit £50 in a day with lunch + soft play/farm/zoo. It all adds up fast!

I think the amount you spend is irrelevant assuming it can be afforded which it obviously can . I presume that you giving up work to do childcare was agreed and for me that means all money is family money and I wouldn’t expect my husband to be even looking at what I spend let alone how much . FWIW a few years ago when I could still ride I was spending about £100 per week on riding lessons plus the usual £120 livery for our sons pony and my husband who is the only earner in our house earns considerably less than £170k .

You spend a grand a month on fun stuff? A lady wot lunches perchance?!

Wow your upset that he is upset at you wasting at least 1k a month on essentially nothing. How would you feel if it were the other way about? I'd definetly suggest you go back to work and pay for nursery so you can waste your own money on the days you are off. Regardless of the income it is a total waste of money you don't need coffees and lunches everytime you and your child leave the house. The same goes for activities you dont have to go to costly farm parks take your child to a park walk in the forest etc. You say the weekly food shop is ontop of what you are spending this would suggest you have perfectly good food at home. Your husband is right for telling you to reign it in you never know what the future holds and 1k per month is a lot to dwindle away.

I earn more than that myself and dh has his own money but even I wouldn't spend that on basically nothing.

Gah! I'm going nuts! That's nightshifts for you!

How much I would ‘expect’ to be able to spend would depend a lot on other expenses.

But purely on the face of it, I think it’s a lot to spend on days out and lunches for one adult and one pre-schooler plus hair and nails for one adult. I mean, a trip to a pricey farm parks probably costs about £40 for an adult and a child.

Are you one of those people who has to take their kid to farm parks/zoos/soft plays constantly instead of actually playing with them?

I can see both sides and have been in the same position. DH and I worked very hard to get to where we were, but his salary only exploded after I stopped working to look after DCs and, like you, we only saw him on weekends.

My DH dictated (literally!) that I had to manage on 400/month, when petrol alone was 50/wk and I cooked from scratch every night, had my hair done 6x/yr, did my own nails, but he went out whenever he wanted spending whatever he wanted. It was a miserable time.

Like Dobby I am now a free elf!! 😂
Be firm about your needs but be practical about the future.

Sit down with your DH and create a household budget. Start with total income, take out taxes, pension for both of you, an agreed-upon savings amount (this includes emergency savings but you should also identify specific joint savings goals like a house move/remodel, big trips, savings for DC, etc), and household bills. Then figure out reasonable monthly amounts each for food-shop and household consumables, transportation (including car maintenance and repair if applicable), pet care, children's clothes and toys, family fun on weekends and holidays plus weekday outings like soft play, etc. Then look at what is left and set a discretionary spending amount for individual (not child or family) expenses for both you and DH - this is where hair/nails falls, but also clothes, meals/drinks out or travel with friends, gadgets, etc. Track your spending according to the budget, then in 3 months sit down and look at whether you need to adjust the budget or reign in spending. Repeat this every 6 months until it feels like it's time to go move to an annual check-up.

As others have said, $1,000 per month is easy to spend on what you describe but it's also very possible to reduce that amount. The way you and DH will figure out if $1,000 is reasonable for your family is to make a budget together and figure out whether some of that $1,000 would be better allocated to another savings or spending use.

Sounds as though you're spending money for the sake of it though? Maybe the odd week you'd do expensive days out like that and spend a lot but every week? You could have just as lovely a time with your young DC without spending that much, and also teaching them to enjoy the simple things and not expect extravagant days out and meals out etc all the time as part of everyday life. You'll probably both enjoy the odd treat more if it's not an everyday thing.

Does it cover all of your clothes purchases etc? Perfume, cosmetics? Or is it just activities?

I earn slightly less than your husband does and DH about what you used to and we don't spend that on activities, altho we only have wknds plus one day a week each with LO as we both work 4 days. I don't think I would see that as affordable after tax etc, but then I'm pretty focussed on saving for the future, university fees, helping out dd when she's older etc. Would also like us both to be able to retire at a decent point.

You say it's cheaper than nursery but how much of it is being spent on child's activities Vs your hair and nails?

I pay £27 on my acrylic nails every three weeks and £70 on my hilights every six months. What are you having done and how often?!

How often are you going out to lunch/to the zoo? Try going to the library, toddler groups, a walk in the woods or a picnic in the park!

I think if the person who earns all the money thinks you are spunking too much on crap, then you need to stop.

Share nursery costs and go back to earning £80k and spend your own money if it's really that important to you!

Exactly this!