How much would you expect to spend weekly if your DH earned this?

suppose it depends how old your DK are and what other debt or spending there is. Mortgages have gone up a lot in the last few years. If you feel you’ve lost control you could always get a job? Either way the OP wanting to spend £13k a year is OTT.

Of course he should have a say?! It’s family money if nothing else.

you don’t need to do multiple days out a week with a pre schooler. They enjoy so much stuff that doesn’t cost much.

Law, private medicine, dentistry, sales, marketing, IT, consultancy, accountancy, banking, HR, business owners. There are loads of well paid fields.

Presumably, you only see him at weekends because he is working hard to bring in that wage?!! Can't have it both ways sorry either he is 'absent' and earns the high wage for you all to enjoy the lifestyle or he works less and you rein it in.

If he were to pay for nursery, OP would be able to work and bring in a wage too. And presumably OP would be paying towards the nursery costs and the household bills.

Of course it’s easy to spend £1000 a month if you’re blowing money doing expensive things every day. I think that things that used to be a weekly or monthly treat for children (like soft play or the zoo) are now seen by some as daily run-of-the-mill activities. They believe that children must be doing something exciting every day, like a permanent holiday.

What is your mortgage? Council tax? What is being paid into both your pensions? Really hard to give an answer without knowing this.

Yes but if your child was at nursery, you would ne worming

I'm still reeling at how someone manages to keep an £80k a year job when they can't even understand how tax and NI works 😂 probably 35% of his £170K will be wiped out. By the way, I raised my son for 5 years and paid a £400-600 a month mortgage on what you spend on hair, nails and days out. Wind your neck in, Spendzilla.

No, it is not that much and when I think about how much your husband pay in taxes is nothing. I would regret paying so much in taxes and not being able to enjoy life.

No not excessive at all!!! Sorry you needed to make this post for clarification sweetie. If DH has an issue, suggest him paying for nursery fees as the alternative. What world the rest of the commenters live in I would like to know. Softplay with lunch is already £30 dependent on location. If you live in London, you can’t step over your threshold without spending £50 in a day. You made a financial sacrifice and I’m sure it was discussed prior to starting a family. Continue as you were x

I just want to know what jobs all the commenters do to be earning these salaries.

I think that is a lot, you could easily spend £100 less a week and still have a great time.

@Righan I also don't think it's hugely excessive but would ask - how old is DC? Are they with you full time or also in nursery etc? And is it 170k gross? I think really it depends on your other expenses. Eg if DC also goes to paid childcare, if you have a huge mortgage etc then it's quite a lot to spend on fun and self care...however if you're sole carer full time then I can actually see how you could spend £35 a day VERY easily in today's world. We have a similar income to you, I do work but don't earn a huge amount but combined is similar and I calculated in summer hols (i was off work with 2 x DCs who are older i think than yours it sounds) but we easily spent £400 a week on activities (clubs) and food / trips out. I thought it was extortianate but it's what it cost and it wasn't extravagance. Admittedly mine are at school much of the time so I wasn't penny pinching and could have done it for less. Personally I would add it all up yourself and work out where the £250 goes. If you want to reduce it slightly look at what you are happy to sacrifice - not saying you should have to but for example I do my own nails now as can't justify the cost but I still have my hair done! And I started taking picnics out on our day trips almost always and saved a fortune. We just did this daily on holiday and calculated we saved £300 in one week by taking sandwiches over cafes. We still ate out 5 evenings and had coffees and cakes etc. Reining it in doesn't mean spending nothing but there are ways to reduce if you want to.

It's so wasteful, children don't remember all the paid for activities. Unless parents are actively enjoying them, there is no need to be doing them every day.

Sorry, mistype. But I still dont think its terribly excessive and she needs to cover her arse and go back to work

£170k sounds like a lot but net pay is probably around £80/90k depending if he pays into a pension.
For a two adult & 1 child house that’s not a huge amount.. when you deduct mortgage and other expense.. I’m sure it wouldn’t leave him with £1k a month to spend on himself also.

I think when you are used to earning and spending what you like then when you are questioned on it the automatic response is to be defense and push back but £250 a week is a lot of money and probably not sustainable unless there’s other factors like you have no mortgage etc

So it's £35 a day, or £50 a day if not including weekends.
Tbh I can see how it could add up to this if you are going out every day and doing activities like zoos, farm parks etc, buying lunch plus extras for you like haircut and nails. It easily adds up.
Can you get season tickets for your favourite activities, that can make it cheaper.
Also look out for free or cheaper activities or invite other mums and DC round to yours?
It's hard because you have given up a wellpaid job to look after your child and presumably that means DH doesnt have to worry at all about childcare, just gets up and goes to work.
You maybe having some lovely days out but it can also be hard work depending on temperament of DC! And if course your career and future pension may take a hit.
So I think it should all be family money and you should have an equal say on how it's spent.
DH may like ( but not fully appreciate! ) that he doesn't have to worry about nursery runs or DC being ill and have any disruption to his work but he may also get a bit resentful of what he may consider as you having a relaxing and fun days out. Not being at work can get expensive and of course as I assume you jointly agreed that you would be a SAHM he should not get to dictate what you do.
But I think you have to sit down as a couple and work out a monthly budget, mortgage, utilities, savings, fun money etc
Then see if £250 a week is really affordable and if there are any savings to be made.
In reality most of us have to budget and lifestyles / expandable income generally take a hit after having DC.
You could also consider going back to work, hopefully even with nursery fees as a family financially you would be better off but I appreciate you may want to be at home with DC, and of course DH would have to do 50% of childcare, housework etc

A straight 40% of that £170k goes in tax. So, split between two people that doesn’t really give you £250/week for what are effectively luxuries. You have to factor in house mortgage, house maintenance and development, car purchase and maintenance and tax and insurances, local taxes, pensions, holidays, food and petrol essentials, school uniforms, school lunches and school trips and after school clubs or extra kids activities etc. Not to mention saving for the future. When kids get to teenage years they cost a fantastic amount, especially if they go to university. Parents are paying out around £10000 a year in rent or living expenses for each child at university. The student loan your child can get is less than £5000 a year on that salary. It mounts up, and now, when your child is small, is the time to save for their future too even though it can seem a long way off.

That doesnt leave any for savings and investments (outside of pension) either....

Very true…

Also OP - I work PT with one in school and a pre-schooler, and I find National Trust membership really helpful for days out with the kids. It’s about £150 a year.

Yes, it’s a stupid question really - it’s meaningless a load of MN posters saying ‘Oh wow £1000 a month, that’s nothing for someone on £170k’ because it depends what proportion of their disposable income the expenditure it is.

He presumably takes home roughly £8k a month. If they have a £700k mortgage (I’ve just chosen £700k on the basis it’s roughly 4x his salary) then the repayments could easily be half that monthly take-home amount. Then council tax, other bills, commuting costs, fuel, car, food… In that context, £1000 a month on days out and beauty treatments start to look like quite a lot.

Lol Its not Essex which does have nice areas. Take Shenfield and Hutton mount for example. Loads of hair extensions and botox there. And multimillion pound houses

There’s such a wide spectrum of lifestyles on here, it seems to be difficult for others to appreciate that at times. I can see how £250 could easily be spent per week and don’t think that is excessive on your household income. Things cost so much more now than they did even a year or two ago and it can be so pricey going on fun trips out with little ones. As long as essential costs are met and ideally some money is being saved, I’m all for enjoying any leftover money. Life’s too short. Enjoy yourself and the precious time you have when the children are little - it goes far too quickly.

Bloody hell I read the OP and thought "it's not a spending race you know!"

I agree its nice to enjoy spending some of your income on non essential things you enjoy, especially if it's easily affordable but your OP is worded as if frittering a chunk of money every week has become a norm/ a need. My husband is a bit of a fritterer which is why we have semi separate finances.

Some weeks I'll spend more than you but many weeks I'll spend barely anything at all because there is no real reason to or there are lots of free events going on locally.

Maybe it's not so much the amount but the mindlessness of the spending that your husband is objecting to. 250 a week just for the sake of it seems a bit ... profligate.