AIBU for being frustrated with these parents

Wow dont be so judgy. Let's hope your own daughter never has any issues the next few years. You will know how the parents feel. I bet her mom feels terrible as it is. She don't need you telling her . It's not really harming you is it. Take your halo off. Sorry if sounds harsh but I have been there.

Stay in your own lane.

I think people are being quite harsh with you on this thread. Yes, you're feeling judgmental without all the facts, but there's clearly something not great going on in that family - either overly permissive parenting or an issue with the daughter that you don't know about, or something else going on.

There is such a thing as educational neglect under UK law. If a parent doesn't make sure their child attends school regularly, then this can constitute neglect on their part. However, the school will have the attendance data, so I don't think it's your place to report anything.

If you are genuinely concerned (rather than just judgmental), then you could try to speak to the parents in a non-critical way, but it's probably unlikely to bring out a positive reaction in them. Most likely, they will get defensive. I think staying in your lane is probably the best approach for now, unless you find out something else that makes you worried for the child's wellbeing.

You are being unreasonable and judgmental with zero knowledge of the situation or how anxiety works. She is unlikely to admit to her peers she has a school avoidance/phobia so has told them she is faking. It's also none of your business

The school will clamp down on this. My daughter’s attendance dropped to 84% last year and they dragged us over the coals for this and rightly so. Our daughter was refusing to go in. She is as big as me and I can’t exactly carry her in under my arm. The school were brilliant in the end with us and offered great pastoral support and I’m hoping this year she has better attendance. She was going through some proper crap. I wouldn’t say anything to the parents if I were you but rest assured it won’t go unnoticed by her secondary school.

Just because a teen seems ok when speaking with her friends doesn’t actually mean she is ok other way . Anxiety in children and teens can be awful when away from their comfort and safe place

How do you know what another child’s attendance percentage was🤔 unless Ella’s mum told you,in which case she is very much aware of the amount of school her child is missing

Walk a mile in their shoes..until you have done that how can it frustrate you.
My teen has school anxiety and it's the hardest thing to deal with...as you're made to feel you're the only ones.
It was one of his 'friends' that made school unbearable.. as 'Dave's' parents worked out my son's attendance percentage and told Dave that my son would get in trouble and I would get a letter from the council....Dave's helpful parents made our lives a nightmare:( dont be Dave's parent to poor Ella and family.

Sure she does. Because a young teenager is going to be entirely honest about her mental health struggles with her friends.

I can understand your concern but my Dd attendance dropped in year 5 due to anxiety it was still almost 90% and I have struggled getting her in this week due to anxiety but she has been all week. I quit my job before the summer so I could get a handle on this.

I am just waiting it out for a while longer to start looking for a job it’s been very very difficult and I believe I parent well.

Yes, you are being entirely unreasonable. This has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Thank you.
In same boat. Y11 son with ebsa. He wouldn't tell his friends why he wasnt there etc. Last 2 years have been the hardest ever.. he is now doing some online learning but you and your son have given me hope. Thank you 😊
And im sure people think im a shit parent but doing best for my son.

Did half the idiots replying to this post actually read it? She specifically says Ella tells the other children she makes it all up to get out of going to school. There’s nothing hidden or more complex than that.

This is a joke right? You seriously didn't send school a message about this......

My DC is ND and so tired of masking, unfortunately hasn't gone back to school, having missed the last two weeks of term. She would never admit this to her friends, so would likely say something similar to your DD's friend.
We're making some progress, but the school are backing us and taking things gently as she's intelligent and was already working beyond some of her peers, so she won't fall behind.
It's really bloody hard watching her fall apart, but be cheery and engaging to hers friends on video calls.
Please don't say anything. If anyone, not in the know, said something to me, it would likely tip me over the edge.
Do I want her to be in school? Absolutely! She had almost perfect attendance prior to the burnout and then school refusal. But her mental health and wellbeing is much more important than her education at this stage.
Just giving you another side of thw story which you may not be privy to.

She could have autoimmune encephalitis - it is a post infectious neuro immune condition that can cause the body to attack the basal ganglia (please look up PANS/ PANDAS). It leads to all manner of hard to understand (from the outside) symptoms including behaviour issues, movement, fatigue, emotional lability, oppositional defiance… it is caused by an infection in the brain and becoming more common post covid, as covid creates holes in the blood brain barrier. It is also very hard to get diagnosed and hardly
recognised by the NHS, although this is changing hopefully. She could have long covid and therefore not be able to attend due to fatigue and the many many other messed up bodily processes that can happen with this condition, including insomnia that is a result of physiological processes going wrong, and nothing at all to do with bad parenting. Parents and kids don’t tend to broadcast these things and people would rather infer and form opinions than ask and hear something they don’t want to hear or can’t be bothered to understand. Ask me how I know… I dare you. You are being very unreasonable. Be kind.

I've been a parent to a child like Ella, and let me tell you , it is a very stressful, lonely, horrible place to be, I had so called friends judge my parenting, we tried bribes, threats, removing privileges, rewarding school attendance, private therapy, there were tears and tantrums from both or us, and I was working full time from home, and all I could think about was my child.
So please, stop judging, you have no idea what's going on, try being supportive.

Keep your nose out and mouth shut absolutely nothing at all to do with you, it doesn't affect you or your daughter in any way you just want to feel superior.

I’d argue that the responsible thing to do is for the OP to teach her own DD good tech ‘hygiene’ by ensuring her notifications etc are off at times when she doesn’t want disturbed.

I’m certainly not advocating for children messaging at 2am, but we all need to be able to set our own tech boundaries instead of expecting others to anticipate them

In short it’s not your business. You’re judging these parents & as a family on information from your daughter, and then you’re hearing it second hand from her. If you’re really concerned, show this family some kindness and do something to help, instead of posting about them on here. Unless you’ve had a child with anxiety, you couldn’t begin to understand the enormity of it, how it presents itself, and how it affects all
aspects of family life. People just don’t send their kids to school bcoz they can’t be bothered, they’ll be more to this situation, you’ve just never been told what, and that’s bcoz they either don’t know you well enough, or they don’t think they can trust you with this info.

Id say nothing to the parents.. just keep to your daughter and tell her what the boundaries are ..
Phone switched off at set times etc .
There could be more going on with her health as long as you are aware she is safe i wouldnt involve yourself.

This is how child abuse is perpetuated

I feel for you I really do x I have experienced the same .
and felt unsupported too

School refusal is a very complex issue , believe you me !
They will definitely have a visit from Education welfare dept to find out why .

You will find it difficult to not make a comment lead by what you judge of a situation from an outsider point of view?

Please review the example you want to set for your daughter.