AIBU for being frustrated with these parents

It’s none of your business

I get why you’re annoyed , really I do , however , the bottom line is that it is absolutely none of your business how this family parent their child . There may well be something going on with this child that u are not aware of . Stay out of it .

How well do you know the mum? Could you offer to meet up for a coffee, ask if she’s aware her DD texts at 2am and that’s likely the reason she’s exhausted, maybe ask if there’s anything you can help with, maybe take her out at the weekend or something (the child not the mum)….
or you can take the attitude I now take … I’ll report any issues (like when my DD tells me there’s a nude of a student being sent around)… but generally as long as there’s no risk of harm to a child I adopt the attitude that it’s not my monkey, not my zoo…. I’d go insane if I tried to parent everyone else’s child as well as my own. And soooo many kids are sadly struggling these days.

I am with Ticky and tacky. You sound concerned about the child. If I was in your position I would also be worried.

Why say anything to another parent? I guarantee they have already had multiple letters from the primary school saying how they are an amazingly shit parent and that even if their child is ill they have to be in school every day. Within about 2 weeks she will start getting them from the secondary school.

Either the parent does care, is struggling and doing the best they can and getting these letters is devastating, or the parent doesn't care, in which case no amount of letters or random other parent comments is going to make any difference.

Ella was supposed to start her new school yesterday but didn't go as she was 'tired'.

Child abuse? She missed one day of school.

My DS’s attendance was below 50% last school year. He’s also not gone to school this first week back.

I would really resent an outsider deciding they feel frustrated about it and then actually pulling me up on it.

If his is a regular occurrence school will already know and the family won't need you to be one of those parents. You don't have a clue what is going on for the family. Your daughter is a friend how do you suppose her and her friend are going to feel if they find out you've interfered. Not only could it ruin their friendship it could very likely open up your daughter for bullying if her friend feels you've interfered especially if it leads to problem like social services involvement

So glad I haven't encountered people like you in real life.

Yes we do invite friends over. But friends are also at school and doing after school things so it is hard to arrange and my kids aren’t as fun for their friends as they once were. My eldest doesn’t have the energy to socialise much so very hard to limit it to avoid him having a crash and saying to friends who really want to see them ‘just stay for an hour’ - they can’t be themselves with their friends and that is very hard.
In terms of explaining / try being a 10 or 13 yr old boy and explaining autoimmune encephalitis to other 10 and 13 yr old boys. They try to explain as best they can - but no one but specialists and others who have been through it will truly understand the impact. And explaining it and people understanding and not judging anyway are two very different things.

Why can’t your children see their friends? Do you not invite them round for dinner or a film, to give your kids interaction with their friends?

Do you encourage your kids to hide their illness? How strange. I’d be encouraging mine to be open about it. Nothing to be ashamed of and people can’t help or empathise if they don’t know. Hiding it by telling friends they’re “tired” isn’t going to help people understand.

Shit parenting. Parents should want the best for their kids, which in this world, requires a good education. They are denying her this and setting her up to have a rubbish work ethic. I feel sorry for Ella, she’s the one losing out.

Lots of parents are rubbish at it. Having sex and giving birth doesn’t mean people are cut out to raise children well. So many are dragged up yet mumsnet cries in everyone’s defence, because apparently procreating makes people good parents by default and any fault must be for a good reason. BS - some parents are just crap parents.

Whatever is going on with Ella, she is obviously already on the school's radar. It would not be surprising if she is also on social services' radar. I would not say anything. Not only because you don't know the whole story, but also because there might already be an investigation going on. If your input is needed you will likely be asked for it. Otherwise, don't get involved. You can only do harm in such cases, unless you have something to report.

I used to tell my mates I was too tired to go to school too. What I was was autistic with a parent with bipolar and a younger sibling who needed looking after. At the very least you could try offering some support
instesd of judging her.

If she does have an invisible disability and is covering it up to her peers, this makes you a pretty awful person. I have two children off school currently with chronic complex illness - both are affected slightly differently but fatigue is the main feature for one and the other can’t walk now as his movement is so affected. Before their infectious onset, they were healthy, sociable, academic and very sporty. Kids you would never imagine something like this could happen to. They can play video games still though - aside from online learning it’s pretty much all they can do. They used to do so much sport and now they can’t. They used to love running around with friends and now they can’t. They played football and swam to a high level and now they can’t. They can’t manage school. It’s completely devastating as they love school. But to judgy parents who don’t know fully what has happened - they are two kids who don’t go to school and the only contact their kids have with them is via gaming.
And I hope they are still employable as they are very bright - one is at a top grammar (although can’t go) and the other has been denied the opportunity to try due to his illness. Hopefully employers of the future will be more understanding about the impact of complex chronic illness on school achievements. This thread has really enlightened me to what some people must be thinking of me and my parenting and it’s very ugly isn’t it?!
neuro immune post infectious illnesses. Look them up. It could literally explain all of it

My parent's took me out of school so much. I think you should call the school or local authority to tell them

Kids say stuff like that - especially if they have very embarrassing medical diagnoses they don’t want to admit to or explain - better to sound defiant and rebellious

The thing is, she's not concerned. She's judgemental and seemingly vastly superior as a parent

What business is it of yours??
2 of my sons struggled with chronic fatigue way before covid and missed substantial amounts of school - not because they were tired but because they were chronically fatigued, had someone like you approached me with your ill founded concerns then I would have been very angry - someone like you doesn’t see the Drs visits, the specialist reports, the school nurse meetings, the letters that supported the absences from school and the absolute support from the school and staff I received.
My sons (who were at secondary school individually as one left, the other began) handled their illnesses very differently the older one would laugh and joke with his friends about his tiredness, he would often feel brighter after a day or 6 of rest but on the days he wasn’t well his friends didn’t see him struggling to go to the toilet because he literally couldn’t walk there nor have the energy to poop, he couldn’t swallow so could only eat mash and, he wouldn’t have told them.
The younger son isolated himself and was able to pace himself much better so didn’t burn out as he’d watched his sibling do - but I didn’t feel the need to have to explain to other (nosey) parents why they had absences.

You should just concentrate all you extra energy on your child and not interfere and judge another parent.

Poor.

I really hope all my DDs friends' parents discourage a relationship between the friends, so that my DDs mental health further declines, and instead of using her nails to harm herself, she starts using knives. And instead of eating one tiny meal a day and drinking one tiny cup of water, she just doesn't eat or drink anything.
I've never been so grateful that my child's friends' parents are not you, because you are vile.

It’s their business. If she’s happy and they’re happy, and she has social time with your daughter and others, any other issues are their problem not yours!

Well that was some drip feed!

Chronic Fatigue is a thing and we dont have to performatively look exhausted constantly to convince people its real.

Wow. You're a delight!

a child with 50% attendance is no doubt on LA’s radar already surely?

I had an embarrassing health issue as a teen that required me to be off for appointments a lot. I told my friends any old bollocks du jour rather than admit the real reason