AIBU for being frustrated with these parents

I think it's not your fkn business..you don't know what goes on in peoples lives behind their doors.
Sit back down and MYOB

YABU! Mind your own business!

At one point, I had certain people gossiping about me and wanting to report me (not sure who to) because my DD was "always at home".... I was legally home educating her.

At that time, my DS was also using every (very convincing) story in the book to get out of going to school on certain days. It transpired that he was anxious on those certain days because his sister was out of the house and I was home alone and have health conditions. I'm pretty sure he never told his friends the real reason he was, as we say locally, skiving school!

I'm pretty sure her parents are aware, the reasons are complex and none of your business!

YABU
If you were a close friend to the parents, if say bring it up sensitivily and offer support. If you're just a former school mum acquaintance then leave it to the professionals. The primary school will have liased with her new school and be well aware. Hopefully they will put things in place.

Fatigue and tired/sleepy aren't the same thing. You know that bone deep exhaustion and worn out feeling when you have the flu? Times that by 10 and you are somewhere near the feeling of fatigue. It's like when you move or use your body you are moving through treacle not air. It's your body that is fatigued not your mind. I can be wide awake just after 10 hours of sleep and have fatigue.

I would quietly (and to dh) judge their parenting

Since when is tired a reason to not go to school. That would not have been accepted at my school. The only reason for ever being off was being sick and even then you had to be properly bed bound. I have a genetic condition of which one of the symptoms is daytime sleepiness and I didn't get to take time off work for that.

What purpose does being annoyed serve it’s your resentment - wallow in it all you want if it makes you feel better are you feeling a bit superior here ?
is there anything constructive you can do to help resolve the situation there are plenty of agencies that will respond if you think that there is neglect or harm that is being caused otherwise you should get a hobby !

Absolutely none of your business and don’t understand why or how you think it would be! You have no idea what is actually going on with her (mental illness, physical illness etc) unless you think harm is actually happening (which it does not sound like you do) keep out and put your busy bodying efforts into parenting your own child!!

I have been that parent fighting the school to listen to help my child. You don't know what is going on behind closed curtains. My daughter is now 18 and going to uni.

You don’t know what is going on

Ella is likely giving her friends a half story. Anxiety is a complex issue and may well result in her reluctance to go to school. Her parents will be frustrated and are doing/allowing what they think is best for their child.

You really don’t know the full picture. My daughter developed ME (chronic fatigue syndrome) when she was 15. She missed a lot of school but she was genuinely too tired to attend. And it was years before she was able to undertake full-time work although she did make a full recovery in the end. Having experienced long Covid fatigue which is not dissimilar I know that pushing through only makes things worse. Another friend’s daughter was a ‘school refuser’ for approximately two years but although not formally diagnosed she also had huge issues with fatigue which later resolved. Luckily she was very bright and was able to catch up at school once able to attend regularly. Mental health issues can also be a legitimate reason for difficulty attending school. I just wouldn’t assume that the parents are indifferent or being taken in by this child.

So what business is it of yours. How ridiculous. Please find something tangible to be frustrated over.

Mind your own business you have no idea what challenges may be going on with Ella that she is not speaking about to your daughter

This is a good point, although sounds like OP was woth her child using the phone.

You are not being unreasonable. However, it's not your problem.

She's very likely to continue missing school (especially as she has missed some of the first week). This will affect her grades, friendships and outcomes for life.

Unless you think there's s genuine safeguarding issue, there's nothing you can do other than feel very glad that your child happily attends school.

You don’t really know what’s going on behind the scenes though. If “tired” is just wagging school because she doesn’t want to go and the parents don’t care then yes that’s awful but it’s not your place to say anything.
How do you know she’s not under the care of camhs and suffering from severe anxiety? It can be very difficult getting a child in to school under those circumstances, I know personally - and the child is fine in their safe space at home.
the school won’t put up with her staying home and will work with the family.
i had to drag my child in (not literally), she would stay as long as she could then I would be called in to take her home.
it was a very very dark time for all of us. Treatment with anti anxiety drugs saved school and ended panic attacks/ocd she was sufffering from along with an adhd diagnosis and help with that which was a serious Issue- she’s at university now.
are you friendly with her parents? If so I guess they’ll have told you about any issues.
So - things are not always as they seem and the school will be on it within a week or two because they won’t allow non attendance for any reason.

It's not your place to say it, anything you do say won't be taken well I doubt. You risk ruining your daughters friendship with the girl if her parents say they can't talk anymore. Just have a talk with your child to say it's not right etc so she doesn't try to follow suit.

My Mum always said ‘If you don’t have something nice to say, then don’t say anything’. As I’ve got older, I am not sure this always hold true - but in the situation you describe- I think it really does.

We all know families like this. What you do is you don’t say anything judgey, you ask the parents how everything is going, you be kind to the child and ask how they are (children have so little agency), you keep your child friends with them, you remind your child school isn’t optional and list all the benefits.

The school deals with attendance, they do it all day long for loads of kids, they’ll know what’s going on.

Then it’s up to you if you want to speculate and gossip about it all in private.

Ditto!

The op backtracked and then shuffled off.
OP not least bit concerned about the child.
This is all about her beef with the parents, probably the mother, of the child.
Case in point… the Op reported the parents to the school for the fact her daughter received messages as 2am from their daughter. Who does that?? Goes straight to the school rather than either just blocking messages on your child’s phone between the hours of, let’s say, 8-8!

Poster's on here keep on commenting about the mental load and how they have to think of everything yet you have made up in your something which you know nothing about and have no idea what is going on in their lives you only think you know

It is none of your business and you saying something is only being done so you can make yourself feel better basically, she os not your child if you have a genuine concern call social services or the police

So why didn’t you mention it in the OP?

Think your getting a harsh time of it on here OP. But also don't get involved. That is the schools job.
Opinions on this probably differ depending on what type of area you are. I am from a lower income area so have witnessed many of my old school friends and children my DD age, who's parents actually didn't care if they went to school or not. The parents never worked so they accept the path of least resistance as they don't value education themselves. This doesn't sound like your DD's friends parents if they are working themselves.
There are also the kids that are so badly bullied that school churns them up and they can't face it so will say anything to get out of it.
I had issues getting my DD to school since she started secondary. It was a nightmare. She would be screaming crying in the morning complaining of various hurt. I was as harsh as I could be to try and get her to school, realising there is no way that someone generally healthy would be ill this often. Took her to the Dr to rule anything out. I would get her to go in but then the school would phone me to collect. Following multiple calls and messages from my DD while I am trying to work. The easiest option for all our sanity was for her to stay home. But managed to keep her attendance over mid 80% but it really has took a toll over the years. Worth the pain as she got decent GCSE results this year, but totally understand why some well meaning parents can get broken down by this never ending routine and tears

School refusal is very difficult to manage.
You have so little information I’m surprised you’re posting.