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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about in laws

36 replies

Jules198711 · 03/09/2025 21:29

I have 2 DDs aged 7 and 4. My inlaws used to adore them, always wanted to see them, would call regularly to check up on them etc.

Sil has a 15 month old DS and it feels like literally from the second he was born things have changed. They do provide childcare for SIL which they didn't need to for us (we live an hour away and dds are now at school full time anyway) so I understand they will see him more. But what is upsetting me is we literally hear nothing from them anymore. DH takes the girls to see them every 2-3 weeks always initiated by us (sometimes I go depending if I am working - I sometimes work weekends) but in between that they don't call, text, nothing.

Not even a message on DDs first day of school to ask how she got on. Yet they are always posting pictures of DNephew on social media etc and seem to spend alot of time with him outwith when SIL is working.

It wouldn't bother me if they had always been this way with DDs, but it seems as soon as SILs baby came along a switch happened and they have dropped my DDs like hot potatoes.

DH just shrugs and agrees it's rubbish but won't ever say anything.

So
AIBU to be hurt by this?

OP posts:
TheUsualChaos · 04/09/2025 00:13

In my experience SIL DC and life is far more important and interesting to MIL than ours. Our DC did something new or exciting? Well SILs DC did something else so let's talk about that. We went on holiday...but let's just talk about SIL holiday and what they did. It's tiresome and my eldest is starting to notice the favouritism which is a bit sad but DH won't say anything as it will just get her back up.

Nanny0gg · 04/09/2025 00:12

Pizaa · 04/09/2025 00:10

I dnno did you tell them that they couldn’t visit until you and baby and DH had bonded as a family unit and made it really difficult to have a relationship with their grandchildren? Maybe they just find their daughter more open to facilitating a relationship? This is what happens when you say ‘oh it’s just me and my little bubble of our family’ their daughter probably is more open and accepting of a relationship

Why are you assuming that?

Pizaa · 04/09/2025 00:10

I dnno did you tell them that they couldn’t visit until you and baby and DH had bonded as a family unit and made it really difficult to have a relationship with their grandchildren? Maybe they just find their daughter more open to facilitating a relationship? This is what happens when you say ‘oh it’s just me and my little bubble of our family’ their daughter probably is more open and accepting of a relationship

RickertyRocker · 04/09/2025 00:07

ILs stopped seeing our DC when their youngest DD's DD was born. Nephew came along 6 years later and niece has gone from the apple of their eye to someone barely tolerated.

We have never received childcare support from ILs. I think DSIL is making a making mistake allowing her DPsto look after her children. They are not fit or capable.

OrigamiOwls · 03/09/2025 23:57

Another vote for matching their energy. Stop sending them photos and updates.

Namechangerage · 03/09/2025 23:46

I agree with matching their energy. Don’t make a big thing of it, just stop sending pics and causing yourself disappointment. They are being unfair.

Mistyglade · 03/09/2025 23:39

I’ve heard this story in similar situations quite a few times and have experience of it myself. For some reason the maternal daughter’s family’s seem to take precedence over the son’s kids and partners.

Katflapkit · 03/09/2025 23:24

Jules198711 · 03/09/2025 21:31

I should add I still regularly send them pictures of DDs to keep them up to date and majority of the time these get ignored.

Seriously, I would quietly stop sending photographs, updates and calling them - match their energy. They are getting all the information and the latest photos to show their friends and put on social media for no effort at all. In their eyes, they are in touch but once you stop doing all the work they may realise how far they have stepped back.

Squishymallows · 03/09/2025 21:34

Tbh I’m dying for my SIL to have a baby to take some of the pressure off me and our children. In laws hounding for time with the kids and if I’ve ever said no because we already have plans in the diary then they kick off and say I’m rude. It’s exhausting. And it makes me want to see them less.
so yeah I can’t wait for other grandchildren to share some of the intense pressure with

Followthestarsxoxo · 03/09/2025 21:31

I would also be that if I was in your situation, I would maybe have a conversation about it and if nothing still changes then don’t go out your way anymore, let them visit you when you’re free.
My partner is the exact same as he wouldn’t say anything to them even when they have made comments about me or the kids and it still causes us problems now, it’s hard

Original poster
Jules198711 · 03/09/2025 21:31

I should add I still regularly send them pictures of DDs to keep them up to date and majority of the time these get ignored.

OP posts: