To feel a little heartbroken about having a boy

Pop over to conception and infertility boards and you'll soon realise how unbelievably lucky you are to already have one daughter and be expecting a son. The sex of your child doesn't determine how close your relationship is, but if you start the journey already disappointed in your son before he's born, expecting to be distant as he grows, then that's probably what will happen.

100% agree. I have three gorgeous boys, would've been quite happy to have a girl, but ultimately what does it matter?

YOU ALREADY HAVE YOUR GIRL. We love and raise the children we're given, not the ones we fantasise about.

This is actually so awful. Just work on gratitude OP. A healthy child should be everything to its mother. Sex does not and should not come into it.

Every time I see a thread about gender preference or disappointment I can't help but think that this is one of those wonderings that should just stay with you, and not posted publicly, even anonymously.

You stated that had you had a girl they would have been isolated from your family because they couldn’t join in with these male dominated activities.

@Woody617
The issue with your perspective is that you assume a girl could never like these "boys" acitivities. Yes it's great you wanted a kid that would enjoy the life you have, but why would you assume they'd need to be male to do that?

What do you mean by "male dominated activities"?

I'm asking as the only girl of 3 children who was the one who went to watch football with my Dad...

Of course the children will get to see it. The older ones very likely already have. Imagine growing up knowing that your parents' first reaction at your birth was not happiness at the arrival of a healthy baby, but extreme disappointment because you were the 'wrong' sex.

If I had been the show producer I'd have been reluctant to include that part,

Allow me to give you my perspective, as the 'disappointing daughter' who was never remotely close to my mother. I moved away (I even lived several thousand miles away for several years, visiting my parents once a year) and stayed away. Whilst living in London, I visited for 3 weekends a year.

My two brothers never moved further away than 3 miles (the younger one) and 400m (the older one). They visited several times a week until my parents died.

You cannot predict based on sex or your own anecdotal experience.

I think you need to take yourself away from this thread, for the sake of your little boy whose life you're blighting with every post before he's even born.

Not isolated from extended family, they just don’t exist.

All 4 GP had died before DS was born. He has 2 cousins who are both adult women. He is nearly 20 years younger than the next youngest person in his extended family.

It appears clear you have jumped to a fairly offensive and incorrect assumption. Rather than being a “pretty shit parent” I have actually taken steps to ensure that DS has a great life and social scene.

There are women who desperately want a child and never have one, and don’t give a shit about the sex

As older parents with virtually no extended family to rely on at all, no GP, no young cousins etc, I knew that we’d be reliant on friends far more than family. Of our close friendship group the last 7 births have all been boys.

While it makes little difference in early age it is easier as DS grows older for him to be involved in the same activities. Think rugby and cricket club type of scenario.

If all our friends had girls and had a social scene revolving around their activities then I may have had a different outlook.

YOU ALREADY HAVE A DAUGHTER.

There are women who desperately wanted a daughter and got boy after boy after boy. Can’t you just be grateful you got what you wanted the first time?? FFS.

I was really worried when I found out I was having a boy, my first. I was delighted too, as I was just so thrilled to know more about my baby I loved so much. But so much of what I had seen around me of boys was stereotypes, I worried I wouldn't know what to do with a boisterous football sports boy with a football kit on and short hair that runs around roaring and all that. It sounds silly but that's the kinda mental map I had of having a boy. I don't like or know anything about sports. I'm a very 'girly' type, love makeup and hair and dresses and perfume. I thought I won't be able to share this stuff with him!

Fast forward several years and I've realised you end up with the right child for you, if that makes sense. My DS is nothing like the stereotype I imagined. He's so sweet, and in touch with his emotions, loves makeup and choosing a perfume to spritz in his hair on the weekend, likes the odd princess dress, loves to read, loves music, isn't interested in sports. I'd love him any way he would turn out but it made me realise of course we wouldn't end up somehow with a kid that has totally opposite interests early on because they're a product of their environment.

I'm besotted, absolutely in love with everything about him, and can't wait to see who he turns into as he grows, and I know I'll love every bit of that too.

So are you isolated from your extended family? Being a girl and all, presumably you can’t join in with the “male dominated” activities?

do you not see it? Why on earth wouldn’t a girl be able to join in? What makes these activities such a male domain? Unless it’s drawing pictures in wee in the snow there’s very little girls can’t join in with.

what if your boys hadn’t liked these “male dominated l activities? I have one child that shares a hobby with dh and I, the other hates it. Funnily enough we don’t isolate that child, we find things to do with them that we all enjoy.

you’re a pretty shit parent if you allow your child to be isolated from family because of shared hobbies.

Sorry you sound the same as OP to me - both making assumptions that the opposite gender wouldn’t fit in with your current family dynamic / social circle/ future plans as well. Bias is bias.

Gender bias due to circumstances not some weird unsubstantiated preference for one sex over another.

"All I ever wanted" and "I felt like I'd won the lottery": rather an odd and ott way to describe a belief that a male child would fit in with your "social scene" better (which clearly may or may not be true)

It doesn't make sense as you’ve said you find threads like this weird - and then gone on to reveal that you had a huge gender bias and would have been disappointed with a girl. So if anything you must relate to how the OP feels?

Same here! 😊

Not really. My preference was due to how my DC would likely fit in with our lifestyle.

There are no other girls in our extended family who are under 21. Our friends nearly all have boys and our social scene is very much geared towards male dominated activities.

It is entirely likely that a DD would have been way more isolated than a DS would ever be.

Of course other families will have very different set ups.

@IcedPurple I know, it was really horrible. I am sure (well, I hope) the parents regretted voicing their feelings on television and hopefully none of their children will ever get to see it. The baby was born in a pool and they were frantically looking to see whether it was a boy or girl - the disappointment when it was 'just another boy' was palpable.

That is incredibly irresponsible behaviour from the parents. Not only will this little boy surely grow up to know that he was the 'wrong' gender, but his 3 older brothers will probably assume the same too. I wonder if the little girl is going to end up as a spoiled brat too, given that she is clearly the favourite.

I guess you can't help your feelings - although most parents would be thrilled with a healthy baby of either gender, especially when they already had 'one of each' - but to actually record your disappointment for posterity on national TV is a really shoddy thing to do. And it's not even as if the baby was only 'theoretical' at that stage. He was a tiny newborn his parents had already met and held in their arms. Poor little boy. One day he will find out that he was a disappointment to his family from the moment he was born.

I watched an old One Born Every Minute recently. The couple had 3 boys and 1 girl and were hoping the 5th baby would be a girl. They had kept it as a surprise until the baby arrived and when he(!) did the mum admitted to being disappointed. She also said that their little girl would be disappointed as she was hoping for a sister. The mum rang the daughter shortly after the birth and said "I'm so sorry, it's another boy"!!! Obviously the newborn was unaware and I hope he never gets to see that episode (although it seems likely he will at some stage - how many people can say their birth was televised!).

I truly felt sorry for him, that his entire family was disappointed by his arrival.

OP, I can't say I understand your being heartbroken at all but I do hope you feel better soon and can truly enjoy and appreciate having a son.

There are lots (a ridiculous amount actually!) of babies, toddlers and young children on both sides of the family and I genuinely think little boys are so loving. You will hear this a lot but people say it for a reason. They are cuddly, they are warm, you won’t give birth to a grown man who walks away the moment he exits the womb! - like your DD, he will be an innocent little baby who wants and needs his mummy. Boys are full of energy but in a way only you will find super cute and highly it entertaining. Whenever I get dressed in the morning, my middle child always tells me how amazing I look (despite 90% of the time rocking the same old pairs of leggings on repeat, no makeup and a mum bun!). He is a sweetheart and so friendly. He adores me. My eldest is very protective over me already, he is incredibly caring. My husband has a bad knee at the moment and every 2 hours he goes and grabs the ice pack for his dad and reminds him to take his painkillers. He is much quieter than the middle one but incredibly bright and always telling me how much he loves me.

It’s a lot about how YOU raise them, too. My husband is incredibly close to his mum. He sees her weekly and speaks to her daily on the phone. He worships the ground she walks on but that isn’t because he is an overly loving person - he isn’t. He isn’t needy, he isn’t a man child. It’s just that his mum worked hard to build a solid and strong relationship with him throughout his life. She never let the ball drop, she’s always kept the right amount of distance depending on his age and where he’s at in his life and he respects that. Whereas my mum and brother have a rocky relationship but that is because my mum has been too overbearing with him and too needy. Regardless of the sex of your child, once they reach a certain age, it’s healthy to keep looking and adjusting how you parent and the dynamics of your relationship.

Hope this helps in some way but if I were you, I’d look forward to holding your little boy in your arms. He will look at you like no other man has! He will protect you forever.