To feel a little heartbroken about having a boy

I have sympathy for this and bet many secretly feel the same. Boy children tend to be much rowdier and more like little dogs leaping around and touching you too much.

But you really shouldn't have got pregnant if you weren't willing to take this on. Just pray he's healthy - you can't actually know that yet despite what you say in the op

I think that's a whole different thread tho, I'm not a particularly huggy or lived in my parents pockets type, I even moved thousands of miles away for a while & when back I was still hours away. But my mum & dad I always got a big hug when we'd meet if it had been a while & I'm a bloke yet always hugged my dad & gave him a big kiss on his head.

We're all different.

Our first was a girl. I always pictured two daughters, don’t know why. We’re a girl heavy family and a boy just seemed so alien! Second is a boy, I absolutely adore him. He’s a totally different personality to her but equally as remarkable. They are a wonderful complement to each other and he is the most loving, affectionate child. So much more than she is in many ways! Try not to feel despondent, acknowledge how you feel but try not to let it dominate this time for you.

I bet it's the mums who say this isn't it? 🙄

Why do they need their son(s) to be really cuddly and affectionate?

This bizarre dynamic that (some) boy mums have is really bizarre! And I am cringing at anyone who brags that their son is cuddly and affectionate, and so much more so than their daughters.

Again, I feel sorry both for the daughters - and the sons in these cases...

@BatchCookBabe yes, I said it was the same as the OP...I'm just acknowledging that it's a thing.

When I found out I was having a girl I was told (in a sad tone), "ahh, girls tend to prefer their dads... boys are more affectionate and loving with their mums, girls just argue with their mums and find them an embarrassment".

So there you go! Also there's a reason why "mummy's boy" is such a stereotype! In reality though, there are all sorts of parent-child relationships.

You just need to foster a loving and respectful relationship with your son, hold him accountable for keeping in touch with family, and when he eventually finds a wife, don't be a dick to her, don't act like you're in competition with her, and don't blame her if your son forgets your birthday (blame him!!), and you should be grand!

I've read some evolutionary psychology theories about changing gender preferences amongst women. The hypothesis was that as western societies have become less patriarchal (not completely obviously) and women have become more educated and financially independent they are more likely to have a preference for their own sex just like men have for millenia. Not sure if it holds up but I think anecdotally there seems to be less women desperate for boys than in previous generations.

When I was pregnant the first time around I didn't know the baby's sex (by choice) and I was so excited when he arrived. I was over the moon - but I know my reaction would have been the same if I'd had a girl. Just pure loved-up bliss.

However, my second pregnancy was twins and (although I really did prioritize healthy babies) I did hope for at least one girl to be in there and I'm pretty sure there would have been some level of transient disappointment if both babies had been boys. Not major but at least a brief wistful feeling of what if? Not sure where I'm going with this but I don't think it's the sign of a terrible mother to hope for a daughter. Our bodies literally take on the whole burden of reproduction I think we're allowed to have a moment of selfishness in terms of preference - and anyway any mild disappointment tends to go out the window once the baby's actually there in your arms. I really don't think these very common feelings translate into thousands of unloved boy babies 🤷

I'm the mum of 5 adult sons and we are close. They all pop in all the time, we go for lunch, watch the footy, do a pub quiz together and they all hang out at our house playing cards, playing music and eating me out of house and home 😂 your relationship with your children isn't dependent on their gender - you get out what you put in. There's no guarantee of a close relationship with a daughter or a son. I love my mum but was always much closer to my dad - I'm not a girly girl who liked shopping and make up and dolls - I was much happier skimming stones on the lake and climbing trees and playing football with my dad!

That “boy mum” life you describe sounds very much like the relationship I have with my dd.

liking the outdoors, hiking and cycling are not exclusive to boys.

this is exactly the issue.

But the constant berating and bashing of girls, and insistence that boys are sooooooooo much better is very odd. It smacks of methinks the lady doth protest too much.

There's having a preference for boys, (which is fine) and then there's having a rancid attitude towards girls. (Not so fine!)

It's no better than the very odd attitude that the OP has that she neeeeds to have another girl, so she has another BFF.

I’m actually quite cheered by this thread. As a mother of 3 girls, these threads usually go straight into “ I love my daughter but she’s stroppy/ hard work etc and my boy is so loving / cuddly, nothing beats having a boy.” This thread has had a lot more voices saying a child is an individual. Despite being all the same sex I did not raise the same child 3 times. OP everyone worries if they will
love their second child as much as their first , I discovered like most others that there’s more than one way to be perfect. You will have a girl and a boy, a lovely family, just see your children not what sex they are .

You're right, you cannot project what kind of person your child will be.

I don't think it's an English only thing. I'm Irish and I know of one family who were so desperate for a girl that after having 4 boys they adopted a girl. This was in the 80s and thankfully wouldn't be allowed now. Unfortunately the mother and daughter have a terrible relationship as the daughter didn't conform to how the mother imagined.

I also know of an Irish family where after 3 girls they turned to adoption to get a boy, that was back in the 60s but gender disappointment is not confined to any one nation so stereotyping it as English is unnecessary.

This is what I mean. Why do you need your grown up children to hug you and hold your hand? It’s a bit weird.

I hug my mum, dad & mil. Not weird to me but not English..

Agreed!! When I was pregnant with my son, someone at work actually said to me “I bet you wish you were having a girl don’t you” and I thought what a strange thing to say - I was just praying for a healthy baby. My son is so incredibly loving and a wonderful person

I have a boy and a girl. I just think both kids are a treasure chest that just keeps giving, discovering new and weird and wonderful things about their personality every day. They aren't supposed to be convenient, they're supposed to take your view of the world and turn it on its head, so just sit back and enjoy the circus. Congrats!

You say that, but for every single person I have ever spoken to, they have all, without exception, described their sons as more cuddly and affectionate than their daughters. So I think there has to be something in that - it's also true in my own experience

I already love him.

You say in your title you are heartbroken about your child being a boy and at the same time you say you already love him. If you already love him, then celebrate him the way he is.

@BatchCookBabe some mums have a preference for boys though like the OP prefers girls. One of my friends was originally distraught at having a girl because she doesn't get on with her mum & wanted boys.

I have a very difficult relationship with my mother, as do a few of my female friends.

My DH has a good relationship with his mum. So what you’re saying is not something I relate to really. Having a daughter doesn’t mean making a ‘bestie’.

Heartbroken? 😢
You are having a child. You don't know what he'll be like, personality wise. He may be loving and close to you, he may not.
You'll be very fortunate indeed to have 2 healthy children, so just focus on that.

I think this is absolutely true and have also observed this in families. If you assume you aren’t going to be as close to a son as a daughter, then it’s totally obvious that you won’t be.

For what it’s worth, in my group of ‘mum friends’, most of us would say that our children are closer with our MILs than our own mothers.

I have two boys myself and they are truly wonderful. I’m sure girls would be wonderful too but I honestly thank god every night for my two lovely boys - and I’m not even religious.

Yep, another odd post from a 'boy' mum. Not covering themselves in glory here. Praise up boys/sons by all means, but bashing and berating girls/daughters to do this is a shitty thing to do, and is NOT showing you in a good light at all! If this is how these posters really feel, I feel sorry for their daughters (if they have them, AND their sons!)

🙄