So upset with my brother and his wife

I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter there is no greater pain than the loss of a child and if I'm reading this correctly and your sister in law has fell out with you because you have lost your rag when you are at your most vulnerable then I wouldn't be pandering to her . But hard to give advice here hun .

How do others cope with similar situations?

Kinda need to know the situation first!

Im so sorry for your loss @Brunettesmorefun I have a very altered relationship with my in-laws and sil since my husband's son passed away last year so I understand the complexity here.

I do think more context is needed, but im purchase, dh found it hard to talk to his family. His sister is childless through choice and his parents have no empathy whatsoever. I was the go between and after so me pretty knobish comments including not understanding why the 1 year anniversary would trigger him or the fact that my best friend dropped dead out of the blue and I was grieing for her too I lost my shit. They have also done as people here have suggested has happened for you and tried to make it about them. I didn't back down and we have barely spoken since.

You can't make people understand or empathise. Try not to stress on it. They arent family if they cant see you will never fully heal.and temper their behaviour to be kind to.you!

I feel like you've kept this so short you've left out a lot of relevant background information.

Have you spoken to your brother about it?

Sorry for your loss OP. Could you please elaborate.

Depends, as pp have said.
What was the post, was it intentionally offensive, or were you sensitive to what it was about?
Was it directed at you?

She hasn't forgiven you and moved on. What else do you need to know?

I am so sorry you lost your daughter. I have to say there is very little that I wouldn’t forgive from somebody who had lost a child. I hope this gets resolved. You need good people around you. Xx

i’m guessing sil put a post about the loss of her niece (op’s daughter) on sm, and op was upset by this. When op explained how upset she was, I’m guessing Sil controlled the narrative, (making it all about her?) and hence op ended up apoligising. Pure speculation

That was exactly what I was thinking. .

Much more info needed.

So she made a post on sm, you got upset, you apologised to her, have since sent nice gifts and now she wont let you in her house?

The woman is an utter dick based on that!

i’m guessing sil put a post about the loss of her niece (op’s daughter) on sm, and op was upset by this. When op explained how upset she was, I’m guessing Sil controlled the narrative, (making it all about her?) and hence op ended up apoligising. Pure speculation .

Op - sorry for your loss. No one wants to go through what you have been through.

Regarding your sil, they’re not worth the effort. You’ve tried , sent presents, been nice to them etc. Give yourself permission to move on from this.

Op I think you leaving the actual context out is quite telling. Surely no one can say if it’s UR if they don’t know what has actually happened

I'm sorry for your loss.

It's hard to say if you're being unreasonable or not, it depends on what the post was, and what you said to her afterwards.

Not understanding this at all, she upset you and you apologised? Something missing in the middle!

Why did you apologise when she made the social media post? Three years is a long time ago, what’s happened more recently and how did you find out you’re not welcome in their home?

So SHE wrote an offensive post online while you were grieving, and YOU were the one who ended up apologising and grovelling?
And now she is offended at you? For getting offended at her offensive post?

That's gaslighting OP. Steer clear. Your brother has picked a right charmer

I’m assuming the post was something about you and your brothers parents meeting their new baby and it said “First grandchild” but your baby was their first grandchild..

What was the post that upset you? What was it about? It's impossible to judge anything without the context there.

She clearly isn't sorry for what she did/said in this SM post.
As others say it would be helpful to know what happened there?
It sounds like you're being reasonable and she isn't but without that background it's impossible to tell.

If you did something you needed to apologise for you also need to understand that she doesn’t have to accept your apology or move on from it.

What did she post and what did you do.

“Three months ago out of the blue they announced that I was not allowed in their house”

Do you think this is connected to the fall out from the social media post or did anything at all happen in the lead up to 3 months ago. Also, how was this announced? By them to you personally, by message or third party, like a relative? Why would you be in their house, for an event, a regular visit?

Does she have a reason for preferring not to have you in her home?

Nowhere near enough information to offer you any thoughts or advice, unfortunately.

So much of the story missing. You say you apologised so suggests you were in the wrong? If that's the case, you can't make someone 'forgive'. You can try and repair things, but that doesn't necessarily means they'll be repaired. Need more context really.