So upset with my brother and his wife

It somewhat depends on what OP said to SIL, how bad/personal it was, and whether it was said publicly on a post causing further upset/embarrassment.

However, almost regardless of what was said, I would give OP massive mitigation in that she's grieving the worst thing that any of us can imagine. When dealing with such overwhelming emotions it must be incredibly hard to be rational and objective. And she did apologise.

SIL may well have a right to be upset, but it would have to be something really bad to still be upset and ban OP from her home.

Sending you a lot of love. It is so, so, so hard to lose a child and I suspect that your SiL is expecting you to get over it. Six years on, you will still be learning to live with it - you never "get over it", you just learn to live a little more each year. Presumably she cannot accept your grief and her sensitivity is more important to her. I am sorry your brother is not more understanding. HUGS xx

What did she post?

I am sure that the loss of your child has changed all your relationships with everyone. I am so sorry OP. Heck knows what has gone on here but I think I would offer an open olive branch 'i am so sorry that we seem to have fallen out, you are so important to me, i know things have been so difficult with my grief' and leave it at that. A bit of distance and time might help. Have you had any thoughts about getting counselling for yourself? Best wishes to you

Sorry for your loss, OP. This sounds a very upsetting situation with your brother and SIL. Can you tell us more about what happened?

The OPs daughter died 6 yrs ago and the argument was 3 yrs later , not sure how you come to your conclusion

Sorry for your loss op but nothing you have typed makes any sense at all.

I'm so sorry for your terrible loss. We need to know more about the post and what happened afterwards before we can comment on that, but as a general comment, I do think a grieving parent should get a lot of slack.

I’m guessing you got very angry when the SM post came out and said some hurtful things to SIL?? And then apologised but she hasn’t forgiven you.

But we really need to know why you apologised and why they are angry at you. As you have only described what they did wrong, not what you did, the rest doesn’t make sense.

Given after they discussed OP was the one who apologised it may be more a case of what did OP do.

I’m going to guess. Sil did a post like PP said about welcoming a first grand baby or something.

Op right to be upset from the carelessness exploded about it. Sil meant no harm but foot in mouth. Op apologised but likely said some very hurtful things. Sils never forgiven her for this outburst during her pregnancy. Or something like that. Since op gives no further details.

I'm guessing because she either got the wrong end of the stick about SIL's post, or maybe she lashed out and posted back something hurtful or insulting. The problem is, without knowing it's impossible to tell if the SIL is being unreasonable or not.

What did you apologise for?

I imagine you can't tell us exactly what she posted, but it was something that offended you in relation to your late daughter. I think that the key to whether she is being unreasonable or not will be down to;

(a) how insensitive was her post, could it reasonably have been made without knowingly intending any offence?

(b) how bad was your reaction, did you post back accusing her of being insensitive? Did you insult or hurt her publicly or privately?

You apologised suggesting you were In the wrong, maybe elaborate

You'll have to elaborate OP.

You've left out a big chunk of the story.

You said you apologised so you must have accepted you did something wrong.

The problem with apologies is they don't actually fix anything. No one is obliged to accept and move on just because you said "sorry". And there isn't much your brother can do either. She's her own person, if she doesn't want to meet you, that's that really.

Impossible to answer without knowing what the post was about

We need more context, but do you know why you are suddenly not welcome, as opposed to that being the case at the time of the upset?

Sorry for your loss but why are you apologising? Not once but multiple times? Surely they should be apologising to you?

I cannot imagine what losing a child would be like, but it can't be something from which you ever recover, you carry on, but it must impact your day, every day.

For that reason, whatever it is you're supposed to have done, you should be forgiven and cut some slack.

Without more context, it’s pretty hard to say but ultimately you just have to resign yourself to acceptance of their decision, you can’t control what they do.
I’m sorry for your loss 💐

I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter 💐

I'm not sure people can make a judgement on your situation without knowing more of the context, though I understand you probably are worried to say too much in case it could be outing.

If you've apologised and tried to make amends and your SIL is still holding a grudge, there's not much you can do about that. It's sad that they don't want to move forward in a positive way but don't let it take over your life - spend time with those you love and who love you. Concentrate on the relationships in your life that bring you joy. Look after yourself lovely 💐

Why did you apologise?