So upset with my brother and his wife

I am so sorry for your loss. You must have been through a world of pain. I am also sorry that your immediate family includes a pair of truly toxic bitches women who are being so cruel towards you. Your sil sounds as bad as your sister, and I think she deliberately taunted you. Honestly, in your shoes I would have nothing whatsoever to do with either of them again, and turn your attention to those who love and support you.

Impossible to give advice. You haven't said what was in the upsetting post and why you apologized. Surely she should apologize. Also something must have happened recently.
We are only hearing half of the story.
I understand you must be very fragile suffering an appalling loss.

No, that was OP's sister, not her SIL.

I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Without a shadow of a doubt, your SIL and sister have been incredibly cruel to you. Shame on them. I cannot wrap my head around how people could be so heartless.

6 years ago your daughter passed away, your sister felt snubbed and you haven't spoken since. You and your bother have been fine. 3 years ago your SIL posts a pic with your sister and you got upset and let her know. You sorted it out, but it was not really sorted but fine-ish. Now 3 months ago, you were informed that you're not welcome at your brothet and SIL's house. Is this timeline right? Are we sure all these things are related to each other?

So very sorry for your loss and that you've also been hurt by your family when you were grieving. You sound like a wonderful loving grandmother and your grandchildren are so lucky to have you.

@DoYouReally has nailed it. Your sister sounds awful and your SIL not much of a loss. It’s beyond me how people can be so cruel to someone who’s suffered such an appalling loss but I’m seeing similar happening to a good friend of mine. IME most people are generally decent and kind but some people are just arseholes from beginning to end. Sounds like your sister is in that category and your SIL not far off. I’d let them go and concentrate on your friends - your “logical family” as Armistead Maupin terms them.

I'm so sorry for your loss and that you have such a horrible sister and sister in law. You weren't being over sensitive by being upset by her Facebook post in the first place - it was hurtful. I imagine your brother is in a difficult position as he is married to that awful woman.

So 3 years later, you sister in law posted a photo of her husband and your (and his) sister, the one who doesn’t speak to you since the funeral, saying they are close?

i don’t want to diminish your grief, but that was a bit nuts of you. Two of your siblings are allowed to share to their friends that it’s lovely to have the relationship they do, and it wasn’t days or weeks or months after your daughter’s funeral, it was years. I get that you apologised, but it was very policing things you don’t get a say in and that are also very normal.

I'm so sorry that you daughter died. I cannot imagine who difficult that is. ❤️

I'm gobsmacked that people can be done nasty and resent you putting a grieving child who lose his my by suicide first.

Her two boys are so lucky to have you and I'm sure you daughter would be so happy they have you.

Take care of yourself and to hell those who treat you badly. It's a reflection of them rather than you.

Yes, I'm listening to it on Audible. Really good advice.

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss.
I'm going to change the subject slightly here, but was wondering if you have ever tried a pottery class? It's just that a couple of years ago, whilst feeling low I joined a pottery class. It was filled with like minded individuals who also happened to be struggling with loss and wanted to do something therapeutic as a distraction. It's a small group of about 8 of us. The wonderful thing about pottery is that it is so easily accessible to all. You don't have to be artistic. There are a variety of methods to suit all. Using your hands is really relaxing, but it doesn't require masses of attention so you can have a good chat and a laugh whilst pottering away. I found that chatting through things whilst in a relaxed state really helped me to process things. It's also great fun and has lifted my mood. Two years on and I now have my own studio and offer free sessions to people also going through difficult times. It's just a really lovely relaxing hobby to have. I think that's it's really important to take care of yourself and join a small class doing something that you enjoy for a few hours a week, particularly if you have suffered loss. Apologies if this seems a bit left field, but I personally have found it more helpful than counselling.

As for your sil, you don't need to apologise. In fact, really she should have apologised to you. She should have recognised that you were in a bad place and been more sensitive. Your sister was well out of order. No doubt she was also grieving, but not nearly on the same scale as you and your grandson. Personally I would just move on from them and focus on yourself and your own well being.

Wishing you all the best. Xx

Let them, by Mel Robbins. Listen to it. Read
it. Follow it on insta. Live it.

It’s life changing, particularly for situations such as these. I hope it brings you some comfort.

So sorry for your loss xx

You have done Nothing wrong. Your sister has made your loss about herself by snubbing you since and your sister in law has joined in with photo. She knew exactly what she was doing. They are cruel.

Your brother sadly is stuck between a rock and a hard place. If you can face it try keep up your relationship with him and keep it separate from his wife.

focus on the family you have. I am really sorry you have to go through this on top of a tragic loss.

Op im so.sorry for your loss. i think your sister is absolutely ridiculous for not speaking to you over this issue. You're her sister and you was going thru alot and you didnt snub anyone and at the end of the day its not a reason to cut you out, even if she was upset. As for your brother and sister in law, i think even if you offended them , they accepted your apology all those years ago so to go cold now is stupid. They all sound toxic. You haven't done anything wrong. You lost your child, you was upset, ok you might have said some things or done things they didnt like, but its not a reason to be cruel to you. Stay away from them. Keep only positive ppl in your life. Xx

@PinkyFlamingo yes you're quite right, thanks for pointing this out. My apologies op xx

Sorry for your loss and what you're going through OP.

I'd cut your brother some slack as it sounds like SIL would give him a hard time for sticking up for you.

He may well have tried, hence the "she can be stubborn" comment.

It's a tough thing, but try and meet your DB elsewhere if possible.

Agree with this all

It doesn't sound pathetic at all. I would have felt like it was rubbing salt in the wound at what I can only imagine was the worst time in your life. Honestly, I think your sil is the one who should have apologised. ❤️

Family should have been rallying round you and your grandson. You did your very best to include everyone in a way that would work for your grandson and what you did sounds perfect.

Advice given to me by an older and wiser dear friend, in a similar situation, is keep away from toxic people as much as you are able, so they can't play with your mind. Focus on you, and those that build you up, not tear you down.

I am so sorry for your loss🌹💐❤️

I’m so sorry you lost your daughter in such a sad way too. Sounds like you were a brilliant gran supporting him too xx

I’m so sorry for your loss.

Both your sister and your SIL sound horrible and vindictive.

Your sister cutting you off so soon after you lost your daughter, and as a result of the funeral arrangements, is almost unforgivable. Truly beyond belief.

And in that context, your SIL posting about how close they are is insensitive at best. Maybe, but only maybe, it was ill advised to take it up with her. It may not have been aimed at you (though her subsequent behaviour suggests it might have been). Her reaction to your upset - making you apologise for it when you were/ are still grieving was cruel and unkind. Her continued behaviour of posting the memory every year, because she knows it upset you, and in order to say “look I won this argument and I can do as I like” is nasty in the extreme.

I would be happy not to be allowed in their house and would have nothing to do with any of them.

How is your grandson getting along now?

Your sister sounds horrible. Anyone making the occasion of a funeral of her own sister, with a young son, all about herself is utterly selfish and nasty.
Your SIL was very insensitive to share a gushing picture of herself and your sister on social media, knowing that you would see it. She should have apologised to you when you spoke. Unfortunately, you have some pretty horrible family. Have you messaged or emailed your brother to ask why you are not allowed in their house?