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AIBU?

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Original poster

Don’t want Dh to start getting home from work earlier

232 replies

Alltheladshaveweirdhaircutsthesedays · 03/09/2025 16:08

Dh used to get home from work around 6 onwards, in summer they’ve been going into work earlier and arriving home earlier at 4.30, due to the heat. They’ve all decided they prefer this at his workplace and will stick with these hours.
I pick Dd, 6 up from school and am home for 3.30, I really used to enjoy this time for just us, we’d have a snack and cuddle up together on the sofa, read books, watch tv and chat, we’d then maybe play for a bit, take the dog for a walk, then i’d get dinner ready later.
It just takes this away with Dh arriving not long after, changes the dynamic
At weekends we’re all home and also she’s at friends houses or has friends around

Aibu to be sad at missing this quiet time just for us?

OP posts:
PlumBear · 03/09/2025 17:09

Bloody hell, what I’d give for my DH to arrive home at 4.30pm every day. Maybe that’s just me 😂 I find the time after school with my 3 an absolute slog.

PinkiOcelot · 03/09/2025 17:04

Selfish much?!

SillyQuail · 03/09/2025 17:04

My DH works from home so I usually take our DC to a quiet playground or the library or a cafe or something after nursery so that I get them to myself for a couple of hours and he can continue to work in peace. We get home around 5 and they want to play with him, I use the time to make dinner or do house admin. Maybe you could switch to doing that instead of coming straight home?

TheNightingalesStarling · 03/09/2025 17:02

Would he be allowed to work longer a couple of days, so he can make Puck up on another day? Then you can both have a special day with her.

MoveOverToTheSea · 03/09/2025 17:02

pinkyredrose · 03/09/2025 16:58

It's his house and his daughter too, you are massively unreasonable.

The dh hasnt expressed the wish to spend time with his dd though.
Nor has the OP stopped him, quite the opposite. She feels she’ll have to stop her routine to reorganise it around him. Which SHOULD mean him spending time with his DD…. But might well not.

MoveOverToTheSea · 03/09/2025 16:59

@Alltheladshaveweirdhaircutsthesedays i get why you are sad. This was a nice, relaxed bonding time with your dd and now it’s half gone.

Having said that, you CAN decide to still concentrate on your dd, spend time watching Tv or read books together. Actually I’d strongly encourage you to do so because this time will go away much faster than you think.

And I’d start talking about how work at home should be split now he is back early. Like him cooking etc….

pinkyredrose · 03/09/2025 16:58

It's his house and his daughter too, you are massively unreasonable.

BrainlessBoiledFrog · 03/09/2025 16:57

Why don’t you just suggest DH have a bath or chill or gym a couple nights a week? Or just carry on and let him join in if he chooses too. You don’t have to jump up and start cooking his dinner you know. Just carry on as you are.

MoveOverToTheSea · 03/09/2025 16:57

GasperyJacquesRoberts · 03/09/2025 16:25

There's a man who wants to spend more time with his family? What a BASTARD.

The OP hasn’t said whether her dh wants more time with his dd. Just that he offers that organisation time wise. And that they started that organisation over the summer, ie when thete was no school run etc….

For all we know he might very well just slump on the sofa when he is back home and do little with his dd. Or with cooking, doing the housework etc….

On a personal level, I much prefer that sort of organisation re timing at work.
I wouldnt say it’s to spend more time with my family. It’s just easier/nicer. Not every decision taken is about family!

Ddakji · 03/09/2025 16:46

Of course you can feel sad. But it’s his home and his child, too.

Be pleased that you had that time together, and be generous now.

TryingAgainAgainAgain · 03/09/2025 16:43

Lock the door from the inside and turn up the TV. Put your phone on silent.

Miraclesforme · 03/09/2025 16:42

GasperyJacquesRoberts · 03/09/2025 16:25

There's a man who wants to spend more time with his family? What a BASTARD.

I agree this is really sad

FrenchandSaunders · 03/09/2025 16:37

I think it's nice he wants to do that OP and you're very lucky that you can work part time and pick your DD up every day in the middle of the afternoon.

BirdBathSpaNowOpen · 03/09/2025 16:34

A lot of men change their hours so they get home after the children are in bed or close to it, avoiding the witching hour. Honestly, embrace your Dh wanting to come home rather than stopping off somewhere or lingering at the office. There should be Daddy and Daughter time carved out otherwise he just gets "family" time on a weekend meaning he never gets one on one time with his daughter.

Dh used to lie in on a Saturday morning, I had a lie in on a Sunday and he would take the children out to brunch, they called it Boy Brunch as I have sons. They loved it. It doesn't diminish how much they loved me or that I was the default parent as a sahm. Oh and he made me a lovely bacon sandwich when he came back so I never missed out on being spoiled by him.

Parker231 · 03/09/2025 16:34

Alltheladshaveweirdhaircutsthesedays · 03/09/2025 16:19

6
I work part time

Show quote history

Perhaps your DH is looking forward to some 1 on 1 time with his DD?

nomas · 03/09/2025 16:32

NellieJean · 03/09/2025 16:25

You don’t want him spending time with his child. I read some strange things on here but this is just weird. Even more weirded the number YANBU.

I read it as more that she enjoys the 1-2-1 time with her dd rather than she doesn't want her dh to spend time with dd.

For all we know the dh is a bit boorish and loud when at home.

nomas · 03/09/2025 16:31

Is working part time 25 hours per week or 5 hours pw?

That would affect my view.

PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 03/09/2025 16:29

GasperyJacquesRoberts · 03/09/2025 16:25

There's a man who wants to spend more time with his family? What a BASTARD.

I know! How awful!!! LTB!!!

notacooldad · 03/09/2025 16:27

I think your way of thinking is a bit weird. Dh was swlf employed when the kids were little and he changed his working day do he could come home earlier and be with us all.
Instead of me having the kids to myself we shared the load. It was much better.
You'll soon get used to it anyway.

GasperyJacquesRoberts · 03/09/2025 16:25

There's a man who wants to spend more time with his family? What a BASTARD.

NellieJean · 03/09/2025 16:25

You don’t want him spending time with his child. I read some strange things on here but this is just weird. Even more weirded the number YANBU.

jonthebatiste · 03/09/2025 16:24

😬

I don’t think this is a particularly nice or healthy way to be thinking about your child’s dad or your husband.

PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 03/09/2025 16:22

How very sad.

AncientHarpy · 03/09/2025 16:21

casualcrispenjoyer · 03/09/2025 16:11

But how does him being there stop you doing that?

if I liked the solo time with DC, I’d say ‘I’ve got the child for an hour- can you go do prep dinner/clean the bathroom/sort that bag out for the charity shop?’

Yes, this. And then switch so he gets some solo time with her daily too.

Sorejaws · 03/09/2025 16:21

Alltheladshaveweirdhaircutsthesedays · 03/09/2025 16:19

6
I work part time

Show quote history

Presumably she has after school activities? Clubs? Play dates?

either way, surely feel sad

just out a lid on it in front of your child and husband for heavens sakes!