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AIBU?

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Original poster

Don’t want Dh to start getting home from work earlier

232 replies

Alltheladshaveweirdhaircutsthesedays · 03/09/2025 16:08

Dh used to get home from work around 6 onwards, in summer they’ve been going into work earlier and arriving home earlier at 4.30, due to the heat. They’ve all decided they prefer this at his workplace and will stick with these hours.
I pick Dd, 6 up from school and am home for 3.30, I really used to enjoy this time for just us, we’d have a snack and cuddle up together on the sofa, read books, watch tv and chat, we’d then maybe play for a bit, take the dog for a walk, then i’d get dinner ready later.
It just takes this away with Dh arriving not long after, changes the dynamic
At weekends we’re all home and also she’s at friends houses or has friends around

Aibu to be sad at missing this quiet time just for us?

OP posts:
Reallyneedsaholiday · 04/09/2025 07:53

Alltheladshaveweirdhaircutsthesedays · 03/09/2025 22:55

She’s less calm, wants to play with him or out for a bike ride with him etc, she has adhd and is pretty hyper and all over the place, her calmest and when we’re able to connect is when it’s just us I suppose

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It sounds as if you’re worried that she prefers to spend time with him, doing things she perceives as “fun” than spending time with you, doing the things that YOU enjoy doing with her.

Cabinqueen · 04/09/2025 07:51

PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 03/09/2025 16:29

I know! How awful!!! LTB!!!

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😂

PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 04/09/2025 07:42

Sorejaws · 04/09/2025 06:10

Exactly
I have asked but op avoids the question

the op doesn’t want her husband around. Full stop. And it will have much much more to it than simply missing an hour alone time with her daughter

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Exactly, and doesn't seem to like the fact that dd enjoys her time with her dad/friends.
Do YOU have friends op?

abracadabra1980 · 04/09/2025 07:22

1457bloom · 03/09/2025 16:12

Wait until he retires!

If you feel like this now, I don’t think you’ll make it with him when he retires. Your Dd is not your possession, she belongs to both of you as a family, however I do understand the need for alone time as adults.

Shewasafaireh · 04/09/2025 07:17

@banananas1999 I think by “they” OP just meant husband and coworkers

banananas1999 · 04/09/2025 06:33

Alltheladshaveweirdhaircutsthesedays · 03/09/2025 16:08

Dh used to get home from work around 6 onwards, in summer they’ve been going into work earlier and arriving home earlier at 4.30, due to the heat. They’ve all decided they prefer this at his workplace and will stick with these hours.
I pick Dd, 6 up from school and am home for 3.30, I really used to enjoy this time for just us, we’d have a snack and cuddle up together on the sofa, read books, watch tv and chat, we’d then maybe play for a bit, take the dog for a walk, then i’d get dinner ready later.
It just takes this away with Dh arriving not long after, changes the dynamic
At weekends we’re all home and also she’s at friends houses or has friends around

Aibu to be sad at missing this quiet time just for us?

Have more children. Why are you calling your husband “they”?

PollyBell · 04/09/2025 06:25

So why have him around at all then? is it fair he is only arpunf when useful is how it seems so maybe be a single parent then? if you dont want to do that then what do you want him to check with you when it is ok to come home to the place he lives and I presume equally pays for?

Sorejaws · 04/09/2025 06:10

whitewineandsun · 03/09/2025 23:05

There's more going on here, isn't there? You don't sound like it's a good marriage.

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Exactly
I have asked but op avoids the question

the op doesn’t want her husband around. Full stop. And it will have much much more to it than simply missing an hour alone time with her daughter

Sorejaws · 04/09/2025 06:04

This reply has been deleted

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sandyhappypeople · 03/09/2025 23:18

Alltheladshaveweirdhaircutsthesedays · 03/09/2025 22:55

She’s less calm, wants to play with him or out for a bike ride with him etc, she has adhd and is pretty hyper and all over the place, her calmest and when we’re able to connect is when it’s just us I suppose

Show quote history

Thank you for answering, the way your posts were sounding is that your DH is a negative influence on the household, but it isn't really that as you describe it here, he sounds like a positive influence, but it is inadvertently interrupting your nice time together by giving her an option of something else to do instead of chill with you.

I think you just need to carve out that time as and when you still can, if you have an hour before your DH comes in then make the most of that every day, maybe talk to him about it if you can though, he may be happy to run an errand once a week to give you a bit longer?

Isn't there anything else you can do, just the two of you, which would give you the same result, without him having to change anything?

CarpetKnees · 03/09/2025 23:13

Alltheladshaveweirdhaircutsthesedays · 03/09/2025 22:55

She’s less calm, wants to play with him or out for a bike ride with him etc, she has adhd and is pretty hyper and all over the place, her calmest and when we’re able to connect is when it’s just us I suppose

Show quote history

So that's a positive to the new arrangement then, surely ?
One adult being able to take her out on the bike, or to go swimming or to climb a local hill, or bounce on a trampoline or kick a ball around for a while after school, whilst the other adult cracks on with getting the evening meal ready, and all the other 'stuff' that needs doing when you have a house, a child, and two working parents ?
Whichever one spends the time with her between school and the evening meal can do the clearing up whilst the parent that prepares the meal gets bath / story / bed time. Then swap the next day. Genuinely can't see how anyone is losing out here.

whitewineandsun · 03/09/2025 23:05

Alltheladshaveweirdhaircutsthesedays · 03/09/2025 22:08

You must be one of the lucky ones 💓

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There's more going on here, isn't there? You don't sound like it's a good marriage.

Original poster
Alltheladshaveweirdhaircutsthesedays · 03/09/2025 22:55

sandyhappypeople · 03/09/2025 22:53

with friends over or her dad back, it’s not like that

But WHY op, what changes when her dad comes home that you can no longer have one on one time? What actually happens?

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She’s less calm, wants to play with him or out for a bike ride with him etc, she has adhd and is pretty hyper and all over the place, her calmest and when we’re able to connect is when it’s just us I suppose

OP posts:
sandyhappypeople · 03/09/2025 22:53

Alltheladshaveweirdhaircutsthesedays · 03/09/2025 22:28

Yes…? I am, what does have control have to do with it? I just liked the one on one time, the reading and chatting, with friends over or her dad back, it’s not like that

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with friends over or her dad back, it’s not like that

But WHY op, what changes when her dad comes home that you can no longer have one on one time? What actually happens?

Original poster
Alltheladshaveweirdhaircutsthesedays · 03/09/2025 22:37

SirBasil · 03/09/2025 22:34

blimey. So he works to provide for you, enough that you can work part-time and you begrudge him an early finish?

How about you work full time and he can work part-time and forge a better relationship with the DCs?

To provide for me..? I make the same amount and made more before Dd when I worked full time and *Provided for him

OP posts:
SirBasil · 03/09/2025 22:34

blimey. So he works to provide for you, enough that you can work part-time and you begrudge him an early finish?

How about you work full time and he can work part-time and forge a better relationship with the DCs?

Original poster
Alltheladshaveweirdhaircutsthesedays · 03/09/2025 22:31

Shinyandnew1 · 03/09/2025 22:22

So it's sad for you that you don't get much time with her, but you feel your DH shouldn't feel the same?

You can work part time, he has to work full time...

You can spend time with your child, but he should stay at work longer...

Nice

Never said any of that…? He hasn’t expressed anything about wanting more time with her and is much more casual about time with her

OP posts:
Original poster
Alltheladshaveweirdhaircutsthesedays · 03/09/2025 22:29

Clangershome · 03/09/2025 22:15

You could consider home ed. I home ed. It’s great. Super recommend it to anyone who can and wishes to.

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I’ve thought about it, but we don’t have a large community around us, she’s v sociable and needs that and all friends at school. I just enjoyed that little gap of us time

OP posts:
Original poster
Alltheladshaveweirdhaircutsthesedays · 03/09/2025 22:28

PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 03/09/2025 22:14

You ssd you are losing this sacred time,?

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Yes…? I am, what does have control have to do with it? I just liked the one on one time, the reading and chatting, with friends over or her dad back, it’s not like that

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 03/09/2025 22:22

So it's sad for you that you don't get much time with her, but you feel your DH shouldn't feel the same?

You can work part time, he has to work full time...

You can spend time with your child, but he should stay at work longer...

Nice

Clangershome · 03/09/2025 22:17

also people on here have so much beef. I mean this is super normal stuff going on here and she is getting annoyed about it.

Clangershome · 03/09/2025 22:16

Clangershome · 03/09/2025 22:15

You could consider home ed. I home ed. It’s great. Super recommend it to anyone who can and wishes to.

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That way, when DH comes home at 4.30 you will be super happy 🤣

Clangershome · 03/09/2025 22:15

Alltheladshaveweirdhaircutsthesedays · 03/09/2025 22:12

Eh? In control of what?
Because I don’t see her much these days like when she was younger

Show quote history

You could consider home ed. I home ed. It’s great. Super recommend it to anyone who can and wishes to.

PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 03/09/2025 22:14

Alltheladshaveweirdhaircutsthesedays · 03/09/2025 22:12

Eh? In control of what?
Because I don’t see her much these days like when she was younger

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You ssd you are losing this sacred time,?

thelovelyview · 03/09/2025 22:14

It won’t be long before she’ll be wanting to do after school clubs, then you’ll be grateful for two pairs of hands/drivers.