Wish someone told me about having kids early!

But you were childfree out of choice? As someone who has been childfree out of choice her entire life if someone had tried to lecture me on how having children at all, never mind earlier, is the right choice and something I should be doing I'd have rolled my eyes and ignored them. As presumably you would have also!

DD is a princess. Never had hardship and will make my life hell to ensure this remains the case.

your one child aged 27

ok.

You can have it all. Just not all at the same time.

I think the problem is that we think we can or should have it all simultaneously. As opposed to in 'stages'

The rhythms of life, the needs of capitalism,our short fertility windows and our short life spans often mean we are often forced to trying to attain it all at onc, as we don't have the luxury unless we have a fortuitous start in life to do it the former way.

I chose to have mine at 25 but that was a family pattern and I was first in my generation to have a baby. Im nearly 40 now and travel all over uk for work and my career is flying. Im glad I had mine when I did sleepless nights were a breeze

However when I tell my sisters and cousins to crack on (30s and late 20s) they tell me to fuck off haha so you cant always tell people when to have kids!

Would you have listened?

Due to a novel situation but nice try spin doctor

But it’s good you got the career thing going! I don’t think you’ve done it all wrong op!

Yes, an educated, informed woman with other options and full control of her fertility chose to have far too many children, to the point where she was materially disadvantaging them all. It's obvious now you say it.

I've done both, had two in my mid-twenties, then an oops baby at 39 (and when I say "oops baby" it was after a sterilisation, so more of a "yikes baby", really!)

There is no perfect time to have kids, there are pros and cons both ways; but however, and whenever you have kids, just be grateful and enjoy them.

You might not have enjoyed parenting in your 20s and be resentful that you never got to have a career. Who knows. At your age you can fit another one in anyway 😉

Why would they suffer? What a weird thing to suggest based on nothing at all!

It's swings and roundabouts OP - better to wait in some ways, worse in others. Either way it's too late to worry about now. Just make the most of it. Have another kid if you want one or stick at two but try and be grateful for what you have. (I say this as someone who is actively trying to be more grateful for what I have)

It’s not about you though. It’s about the (theoretical) children who would suffer for your ‘unique’ ways.

@EmeraldShamrock000 are you middle class and part of this secret 😆

or just speculating wildly

I think you're under the wrong impression here, OP. In reality, you likely wouldn't be able to build up your career or have the funds for 4 children if you started in your early 20s, even mid-20s. That's unless you'd have extremely good support in terms of childcare and your other half's income or if you come from a privileged background which you say you don't. Even if so, bringing up and funding 4 children is a big strain on time, energy and finances. Children need to be provided for the future too and that's your job which you likely would struggle with if you'd only start building up your career in say your mid-30s. Of course there are some successful examples I'm sure, but you're idolising an idea which is likely far removed from the reality. You'll be fine having another one or not and returning to work not having to start from scratch IMO.

Everyone is unique.

I was very much like you. Never wanted children..... until biological clock said now or never so I did. Had one at 37 and one at 39. Best decision ever.
In hindsight if I'd started a couple of years earlier I would probably have had a third. My delay was nothing to do with career though, I just enjoyed my child free life too much.
Plenty of people told me how wonderful it was to have children but I didn't believe them and was certain I wouldn't change my mind.

Why on earth would you want 14? It’s not practical, responsible or ethical. I have 5 siblings and even that feels like too many! By the time DM got to child number 6 she was burnt out and exhausted.

If it makes you feel better I’ve been pregnant most of my 20s (this is the last one at 27) and I feel like I missed out on a lot of fun stuff. Also found out I was pregnant a few days before I was due to go to a tequila festival I’d been looking forward to all year. I am also always tired. There’s pros and cons to it all.

Dont think anyone telling you or nudging you would have had any effect. That has to come from the inside. Also, you would have had a different experience if you had them at a different stage of your life.

'Having it all' actually means 'doing it all' - people don't tell us that, either

I was 29 and 35, not a young mum.

My grandmother didn't have her children out of lack of choice and I'll thank you to keep your uninformed opinions about my family to yourself.

Everything else you stated is ignored based on this alone. Have a wonderful day.

I used to think I want to be child free and at 31, the urge to have baby kicked in.

so really nothing to do with anyone or anything else aside from you OP as to why you started at 32. You didn’t want to