Wish someone told me about having kids early!

I had mine at 22, 34 and 40.

It’s all shit really. It all depends on circumstances. If you were to pick any of those ages, you would probably say 34 was best. Financially secure etc -

NOPE. We were being topped with housing benefit despite both working full time when my second was born, renting a fucking hovel of a flat that was far too small for us in London.

At 22 with my first, I was loaded and living in a Manor House in the country with stables and horses and I travelled the world with my son when he was young. I did everything, went everywhere. A child young didn’t hold me back. I never wanted a career at all, so that didn’t bother me. I only worked in my 30s, shit jobs, to pay the rent.

Things much better with my 3rd at 40, but that was thanks to moving to a shithole of a town where we could afford to buy and live off dh wage alone.

Age tells you nothing, everyone’s circumstances are different.

I very much imagine if there had been a messenger you would have shot him. People don't like to be asked or told about their fertility, its usually a taboo subject unless two people share the same obvious views. I know when people criticized me for being too young or having two many kids its just makes me think 'oh fuck off mate'.

I also don't believe people need to be told, I certainly never did.

Just like you said you weren't interested in kids until 32, I on the flip side knew it was all I wanted from about 12 years old. It was just a deep primal urge and I think its controlled a lot more by hormones than people like to think. No one needed to tell me to have kids (and when I did get pregnant I got all the shit for being 'too young' even though I was a legal adult that had left home 3 years earlier) but I never (and still don't) want a 'career' or enjoyed 'competing' as its just not my personality.

I find it interesting you say you didn't know about the 'love', my mam was a career woman heavily competitive and conquer the world type and she always said the same. Like it was some surprise to her to feel like that, emotion she never new existed when she first saw me. I didn't have that 'moment' with my kids because I always felt that deep yearning love like that before they where even conceived/born and when infertility hit it was crippling (worse than the cancer).

My mam never understood why I was so 'unambitious' (I'm not I have lots of dreams and have done loads of bucket list life experience many dream of, I just don't think a career defines me and I prefer family, hobbies, free time and travel etc... over climbing chains, winning and social accolades) I think we where just wired oppositely and you can't tell someone their way is 'wrong', its just 'different'.

I'm telling to stop at 2.

Don't come when you've got 4 and say no one warned you :)

Two is fine. Enjoy the children you have rather than mourn the ones you didn't.

I hear what you’re saying OP. I’m 50 and my 4 are all adults with 3 at uni. I’m free to do what I like with my time now which is great. On the flip side, I was busy in my 20s and missed out a bit at that stage of life. Not sure which is best really. It is what it is.

Spot on, this is also a big reason for sure. And a whole other thread 😁

I've got 3 children DS19, DD14 and DD5 and am currently 26 weeks pregnant 🥴

Id just turned 20 when I had my eldest and I remember saying to my mum that I couldn't understand why parents said having a child was hard and that they were tired.....I genuinely didn't understand it because it all seemed so easy lol.

I definitely understood a bit more when my youngest was born, and with this pregnancy I literally need a nap after taking the dog for a walk. Hoping this baby is as easy as my son was 🤣

I dont want to sound mean, as you sound exhausted. But it is each of our individual responsibilities to weigh up the pros and cons of having children early/later etc. You are the same age as me and the information has 100% been out there and available from when I was in my late teens.
And I think you have been way more responsible than most as you were making sure you were financially stable first - thats exactly what you should have done! It's hard but a lot of people think they will 'wing it' financially and they end up being trapped in relationships, impacting themselves and their children, because they cant leave. You have done the best thing for your children, and it would be irresponsible to do less.

No worries. I reported you so you don't try to strike others with your nonsense.

I had my first at 27, which isn’t particularly young, and I wish I’d waited until my 30s.

You have time to have more. I had DC1 at 36 and DT at 38. Knackering? Yes. But parenting small children is knackering. I would have been knackered in my 20s TBH.

I was not ready to have kids before I did (relationship, financial position, just not wanting to). Love the ones I have with every fibre of my being.

Apologies that my point seems to have struck a nerve…

With 2 kids under 4 anyone would be exhausted. It’s not because you’re the ancient(!) age of 38.
How you cope depends on many things and age is only a very small factor.

Oh give over!!! You have no idea what you're talking about and using me as entertainment for your keyboard warrior hobby. Not playing. Have a good day.

I think having kids starting in your early thirties is still considered on the younger side. I had one at 37 and another at 38. I know people who started in their early-mid 40s!

Had my first at 23 - and i had no choice but to work full time to support us ! I actually wish I had waited because I missed so much of her early days having to work and was just as exhausted.

There are probably a good proportion of women who would have children earlier if they could find men who would commit (or is that a whole different thread)??

36 is young enough but may be someone needs to tell you to take up healthy lifestyle, do cardio and strength exercises etc now, because that makes a bigger difference than whether you’re five years younger…

Children are a product of their surroundings and parenting. If you struggle with one adult child then there’s no way you were ever managing another 13. That’s just reality I’m afraid.

There are definitely pros and cons to both scenarios. I had mine young in my early/mid-20s and I didn't have a proper career yet but it didn't really matter to me at that point. We travelled lots, we lived in 4 different countries before the kids (had two very close in age) were 10. We had enough money, lived quite cheaply but had a lot of fun. I didn't get a stable career until I was in my mid-30s.

The kids are now both young adults and still have the travel bug whereas I have slowed down and moved back to my home country where I feel settled. It all worked out fine because I never craved the stability that a lot of parents want to achieve before they start having kids, which also makes sense. It's just a different mindset and I guess I'm not a planner.

Ok, I was sympathetic on your thread as you sounded utterly broken

Again, situational. Are all children clones? You're a sad person and I don't need to justify my opinion to you. Go play somewhere else.

I did the opposite to you, I had my DD younger (22) and now I'm your age I don't really have anything to show for it. I private rent, have a job I love but doesnt pay all that well (NHS) and now I'm feeling a bit like I've done it all backwards. My DD is a delight & I love being her mum - but she's really my only achievement.

I think my generation were completely ripped off with the 'having it all' bullshit. There are a very few, very rare women who apparently manage to make that work but everyone else in the world feels they're shortchanging/being shortchanged somewhere. I genuinely do not believe it's possible to be able to give maximum input or as much attention as necessary to child rearing, working, relationship, fulfilling lifestyle and various other responsibilities if you're doing all of those things.

I agree @FullLondonEye I bet lots of us remember 'superwoman' Nicola Horlick who had at least 3 children plus a CEO-type job. She made it look easy, then we found out she had a couple of nannies and staff at home.

Whilst I totally agree men and women can have identical careers, throw in a couple of under-5s and its a whole different playing field. But of course, you can just 'pop them into nursery' and life runs along just as it did before (not).