Wish someone told me about having kids early!

I I had on6e as a teenager and last one in late 30s. Trust me the exhaustion was no worse at 38, if anything I found it easier. Teenagers need their sleep.

Enjoy this phase of life as you enjoyed the other phases. It really is a waste to worry about it, you can't change it.

😂😂

YANBU.

I had my children at 31 and 35.

My sister had her children when she was 23 and 25 and I look at her life with envy!

She’s 40 and has a stress free life that isn’t dictated by her children anymore whereas I’m 42 and fucking exhausted with at least another decade ahead of me where my freedom is curbed.

If I could go back in time I would definitely have children younger!

But you knew. It’s not something that needs to be said. If someone had nudged you you’d have laughed, you saw people,having babies, saw their lives, you knew, you just chose different, so need to take responsibility for that, not make it someone else’s fault.

I had two, first at 31 so very similar. I am also too tired for a 3rd, but am really glad I had my twenties without. I did the partying and the dating and the travelling thing. My sister had her children young at 22, and she felt she missed out on a lot. She has a lot of regrets about not doing any backpacking type travel which she feels too old for in her 40s and she never got much beyond entry level in her job. I think 28 and after is best honestly, although appreciate its different for all, who would they have been to tell you what would be right for you?

I take it as she just means she wishes someone had convinced her that children are actually a wonderful joy and that she would want heaps of them. But I also don’t think OP is really serious as we all know how very irritating the constant questions about when kids are happening are and how we roll our eyes in our 20s when older relatives tell us we will “change our mind someday”

Women most were told lies that they could have it all. Not many actually get the huge high flying career the husband and the amount of children they want especially at times they might of envisioned.

You either sacrifice early career and have them younger and hope to build
up once they hit school or you build it up first to them hope your still fertile by the time you’ve reached the right time by your own plans but then maybe don’t have as many children as you’d like. But you’ve got the career and home behind you.

Some women are knackered at 30 others still got the energy of a teen at 40.

But the children you love wouldn’t be here today if you’d of had children at any other time. I think the same about my losses. Sure it was sad but if I’d of had those babies I’d never have the children I have and I wouldn’t change them for the world or it’s riches.

Well, I had my first at twenty and my second (and final) at thirty-five, so I've had the worst of both worlds!

Whether you are 18, 28, 38, 48, living on a budget or blessed with good finances, the love for your baby is the same, all situations are stressful for different reasons.
You don't necessarily love your baby more because you had the chance to travel and build a career, nor do you love your baby more if you started younger with more energy.
That powerful love comes in all those situations, or it doesn't, age and financial status doesn't matter.

Weirdly enough, I do re
our biology teacher telling us to. Or at least not to rely on fertility after 30z

I didn’t plan to, but I had mine young and I don’t regret it.

My friend had hers late. She’s now 48 with still quite small kids and she is permanently exhausted. She’s also in full perimenopause and really struggling.

I’m 44 and beginning a whole new exciting phase of my life.

Your OP makes absolutely no sense given that you say you wanted to be child-free until you were 31. If someone had told you that it was better to have children in your 20s than your 30s you would surely have thought 'well that's entirely irrelevant to me, I'm not having them at all'? What sort of nudging could you have wanted? Child-free women, quite rightly, don't often like being 'nudged' that 'you might change your mind'...!

Indeed! I was the youngest too and late 30s!

It’s too late now to wonder what if, if you’re exhausted at your young age then I would say it’s more to do with just having young children, so you may have been exhausted at 20 also!

Maybe look at your diet and exercise? My MiL has and is the fittest she has ever been and could probably run rings around me!

Didn't have mine until my 40s. Not planned that way, just how life worked out.

There's never a best time. You play the hand you're dealt.

Sounds like you had a good hand. You never know how things would've been. My hand's worked out pretty well too!

I think your logic is a bit faulty here. If you’d got pregnant early 20s you wouldn’t have an established career that you can go back up when you choose to. How would you have afforded these 4 children as even your DH likely wasn’t at same earning potential as he has now. Why do you assume you’d have more energy. Those who I knew who had kids young were knackered too! Just poor and knackered for the most part and many had to go back to work early just to afford the children they had!

I remember a married friend berating me when I was 34 that “it gets harder after 35, you should focus on having one!”

I said “cool - with whom?” 😅🤷‍♀️

If its any consolation having kids younger isnt easy either LOL.
Your doing fine, this is a phase of life and you will be out the other side soon

Having kids is totally shit from the point of view of career and tiredness, regardless of age.

Having kids young = zero career building, no money and always tired but maybe a bit less tired than when older.

Having kids mid 30s = career suffers temporarily, always tired but have a bit more money to buy childcare to give you rest.

There's no perfect time.

Also, did you know your DH at 22? I didn't. I met him at 29.

I know we couldn’t afford to give more than 2 the life we want anyway and I also don’t think I could actually do a full pregnancy & recovery from birth three times! If a stork delivered the baby and we suddenly got very rich however…

At 36, you could easily have another two children. It’s exhausting no matter what your age. Even if you were 26 now you’d be knackered with a toddler and a baby.

We can't turn back time, maybe be more vocal to the women who would like DC but are worried about being younger DM before 35.

I feel the same in that I am surprised by how much I adore my baby and how much I am enjoying motherhood! But I know that I probably feel that way BECAUSE I am very content that I definitely lived a full life through 20s and early 30s. It’s no guarantee that if I had had her at a different stage of life that I would appreciate it as much (that feeling of constantly having nostalgia for now that is so bittersweet - 27 year old me might not have realised “this is the best part” quite so poignantly!). Plus there is the fact that I wouldn’t have had this particular baby, who is just the absolute best. I agree that people are very quick to tell you all the bad bits, but it’s also kind of impossible to describe the good bits, you have to experience them.

She is being unreasonable. She says she did not want children before she changed her mind. Would she really have listened to people telling her “just have one anyway.”?

In my circle the #1 reason for women “delaying” (or foregoing completely) motherhood is how challenging they find it to find a suitable partner.

That was my reason. That was the only reason I was never a mother in my 20s.

I should add, I did not think I wanted more than one until after I had my first lol.