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Original poster

Wish someone told me about having kids early!

243 replies

MissEacek · 03/09/2025 14:56

I am 36 and I had 2 kids in the last 4 years, only started having kids after 32. I used to think I want to be child free and at 31, the urge to have baby kicked in.
Previous to that I was all focused on going to uni, working, going up the career ladder etc. I was more of competing with peers and sometimes with my DH to get ahead. I was at conferences multiple times a year, drinks with colleagues every Friday and weekends. Having kids never crossed my mind.
Now at 36, I am dealing with a baby and toddler and I desperately want to have a third DC but I feel so exhausted and career has taken a backseat.
I really really wish someone had nudged me earlier about this and I wish I had them earlier then I would have loved to have more, may be 4 who knows. I never knew I would feel so much in love with them and it would like the most wonderful thing in the world.

OP posts:
indoorplantqueen · 03/09/2025 15:05

32 is about average. But I don’t know why anybody needed to tell you. You made choices based on what you thought was best at the time. At 36, you’re not too old to have another one if you really want to. Though I don’t know why you would if you’re exhausted with 2, which you probably still would have been at age 30.

hydriotaphia · 03/09/2025 15:04

I would look on the bright side - you have a career you wouldn't otherwise have had and two lovely children. It would have been much harder to get the career part if you have kids in your 20s. Plus you can always try for a third if you want to push through the tiredness.

Likeaburstcouch · 03/09/2025 15:04

If you started earlier you might not have got to the point in your career where you could afford to have more than 2. And I promise you'd still be knackered!

Original poster
MissEacek · 03/09/2025 15:04

Cluesinthename81 · 03/09/2025 15:03

But she explained about fertility reducing drastically with age?

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It's not necessarily about fertility I am worried, it's about energy and exhaustion around childrearing.

OP posts:
hkathy · 03/09/2025 15:04

I’m 40 with a 3 year old and a 1 year old. I get you OP, and same here I wish I’d had them earlier, and I wish I’d had one more - but I can give them a way better life now than I could have at 30.
Also I had my first at 37. You could still have another, very easily.

Cluesinthename81 · 03/09/2025 15:03

MissEacek · 03/09/2025 14:59

Lol, no she didn't tell me to have kids early.

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But she explained about fertility reducing drastically with age?

TheaBrandt1 · 03/09/2025 15:03

Two is enough unless you are absolutely loaded they get extremely expensive particularly university.

Original poster
MissEacek · 03/09/2025 15:02

Thfvfdvvvvtgbynynyn · 03/09/2025 15:01

I always think of it this way - if you had had your children younger they wouldn’t be the children you have now IYSWIM, if you’d had children in your 20s they might have put you off kids for life because they would have been different children! I felt similarly to you, but I realised if I’d started earlier I wouldn’t actually have the 2 children I actually have now.

That's really good way to look at it

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 03/09/2025 15:02

Having children without money and a career would have been an entirely different experience. Would you really find yourself wishing for more children if you were worrying about paying the bills or if you were going to be able to get a job?

Thfvfdvvvvtgbynynyn · 03/09/2025 15:01

I always think of it this way - if you had had your children younger they wouldn’t be the children you have now IYSWIM, if you’d had children in your 20s they might have put you off kids for life because they would have been different children! I felt similarly to you, but I realised if I’d started earlier I wouldn’t actually have the 2 children I actually have now.

Nousernamesleftatall · 03/09/2025 15:01

I get you. Most people say enjoy your twenties before having children. I think it came from our parents who had children very young and times were different then. Having children is the best thing that happened to me and I wish I had started sooner. I wasted many years and lots of money on going out

jjeoreo · 03/09/2025 15:00

Ah yes, and prepare yourself for lots of snarky comments about how everyone else already knows this 😀

Cutleryclaire · 03/09/2025 15:00

But that’s a perfectly valid way of looking at it. Your original ideas weren’t wrong, you’ve just changed your mind.

So someone telling you differently wouldn’t necessarily have been correct or helpful. I didn’t start until 36 and wouldn’t change it one bit. I feel my career is stronger because of it and I’m more financially secure. As well as happier to give up the lack of freedom.

Daintydino · 03/09/2025 14:59

There really is no perfect time OP. I beat myself up because I had mine very young and didn’t have the same experience most older mums have but then I look at the positives of having them younger. You just take the positives from your own situation.

jjeoreo · 03/09/2025 14:59

I'm happy that you're enjoying it so much. When regret gets you down, just remember there is flip side to the life you may be living now if you had had them earlier. I never fully understood it when people told me I couldn't have it all..I do now I've had kids!

Original poster
MissEacek · 03/09/2025 14:59

Cluesinthename81 · 03/09/2025 14:58

Your biology teacher at school?

Lol, no she didn't tell me to have kids early.

OP posts:
Cluesinthename81 · 03/09/2025 14:58

Your biology teacher at school?

Original poster
MissEacek · 03/09/2025 14:57

I was under the illusion that we can have it all and I come from a working class background so had a drive to make us stable financially first before anything else.

OP posts:
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