Ex partner handing care of our daughter over to her mother and I'm not happy about it.

Your ex is being completely unreasonable OP. If she isn't willing or able to look after your daughter, then your daughter would be much better off with you and her stepmum full time. Her mum could visit and take her on days out etc whenever she wants.
I don’t have experience of this, so I could be wrong, but I would be shocked if a court allowed a child to live 50 percent of the time with a grandparent, without a bed and while breathing in cigarette smoke all the time, when she has a father and stepmother who are happy to have her full time. In your position I would.definitely go to court. The residence arrangement was between you and her mother not you and her grandmother so it's a completely different situation now. Best of luck, you sound like a good father and I'm sorry you've been getting a hard time on here.

RTFT 🙄

Read the thread. She has given full custody of DD to the grandmother. There is no court order granting this so OP is within his rights to contest it. And OP is helping. Despite 50/50 custody he’s paying £1000 a month to his ex. Think about that, and the other top ups mum will be getting on UC for the child. A child who now doesnt live with her.

She isn’t accessing childcare, she’s handed over the custody of her child to the grandparent on a permanent basis because she doesn’t want the child passed between three homes. She has absolutely no right to do this - grandma doesn’t have PR, the OP and his ex do, and there is no court order granting custody to the grandma, so OP is perfectly within his right to contest it.

His ex is claiming benefits - there will be significant allowances paid for the fact that she has a child - except that that child is no longer living at home. So apart from anything else it’s benefit fraud. You really should read the thread before commenting because what you’re saying here is very different to what’s actually happening.

Are you joking?! Lots of parents manage to work without sending their kid to live with grandparents!

Have you actually read the OP’s posts??
There was a 50/50 care arrangement in place, child is now spending ALL of mum’s custody time with her grandmother - living there. With no bed. And nowhere to keep her belongings. Child has expressed her unhappiness with this arrangement.

Despite care being 50/50, op has been paying his child’s mother £250 per week.

How exactly do you think he is creating a narrative to suit himself?

You're writing a narrative to suit yourself. Your ex needs to work. Her family is supporting her. If she is struggling financially you should help if you are in a position to.
Dont make things harder for your daughter

You'd want your kid living in a smokers house, with no bed, sleeping on the smokey couch and living out of a duffle bag for half of their life?

If someone came on here and said they had 50/50 care of their child and had chosen to send the child to live on their partner's sofa instead of with them, there would be unanimous disapproval from everyone. "Sharing the load" of parenting and dumping your child to live at someone else's house are completely different things. And many step-parents do not parent because it's not their role.

It’s really crap the kid has to stay with a smoker.

She isn't using her mother as childcare. She is using her mother as a surrogate parent. The child is with the grandmother 100% of the mother's parenting time. I would have a problem with that if it were my child.

If you had a partner, the partner would share the load of childcare with you. So why is it different her mum/ the child’s grandparent doing it? Would you think it any different if a stranger of a childcare provider doing it???? It’s her time, she can access childcare on her own time

I’m sure you’d be the first to complain about her not working and being on benefits, but a working parent accessing childcare still gets complained about

Cheers matey!

No name change there, poster has been around for many years.

That's how I read it: that the daughter will now be living with her nan on her mum's 50%. So not childcare, as such, more a totally 'new' living arrangement - sleeping on nan's sofa when, by OP's admission, daughter has a perfectly good home with him the other 50% of the time.

Sounds to me like ex doesn't particularly want to parent, even half the time, but also doesn't want OP to parent full time. Is that right @Neil90 ?

You are seriously embarrassing yourself! I dont know who you think I am but I havent name changed in years.

I love MN BTW ❤️

@PyongyangKipperbang Yet another name change. It's all a little bit tedious now 😀

The trick when you are in a hole, is to stop digging.

@TheNewtPlayTheFlute Could you get a job at all? It might help you feel better about yourself. Hugs 💐

I’m not surprised he hasn’t been back with all the hate that he’s had thrown at him! I’d run a mile if I was him. The misandry on MN is actually shocking. He’s a dad who wants to provide a safe and stable upbringing for his child. Isn’t that what all these MNers are always banging on about how that’s what they wish dads would do?! 🤣 as for people saying “it’s her time with her mum, it has nothing to do with you” is absolute bollocks. As if you only become a caring parent during the time they are physically in your presence 🤣 imagine this thread was reversed and it was the mum saying her dad has dumped her on grandma in a one-bed, smoke filled flat where she doesn’t even have a bed and sleeps on a sofa. It’d be “call the police!”, “get an emergency court order and go for full custody immediately!” But no, just because it happens to be a man trying to do the best for his kid, he must be in the wrong/lying about the situation/interfering. Of course he needs to try to intervene, he’s her father, he’d be irresponsible if he didn’t. But he’s a man so there is no possible way he can win on MN! I bet if was asking an unrelated question but described his daughter’s situation with her mum it’d be “why aren’t you doing anything about this?!” “Typical irresponsible dad not doing anything to protect his child” blah blah. There’s literally no way a man can get a helpful response for anything on MN, he could say his wife drugged him and beat him black and blue and he’d probably be told it was his fault 🤣🤣

@Rosscameasdoody Apologies - I had no idea you were a family court judge 😀

I don’t think it’s fascinating or an indication of anything. He came here for advice on what he can do about the situation and he got it. He doesn’t need to hang around to hear the unsolicited musings of someone who clearly has a grudge against men. We only ever get one side of a story. Given that, and the fact that he has clearly got what he wanted from the thread, why do you want him to come back ? So you can throw more shit based on your own experience, which has absolutely no bearing on anything here ?