To feel like an outcast because my child is the only child who doesn't go to nursery school all day :(

But that's only herself and her limitations. That's no one physically saying she can not work. If she chose to work then she would be allowed, of course.

My 2.5 yo only does 3 mornings at nursery. She is the only one who does mornings and I've never thought it was odd or questioned what anyone else things about it. It works with our childcare juggle, no point in paying for nursery all day when we also have to pay a nanny to collect eldest from school. I think its a very long day for small children.

When my now 5yo started at the pre school just after he turned 3 we did half days for the first 2 terms. Then increased it to 3 full days after Easter in preparation for starting Reception. He was still needing a nap when he turned 3 and I wanted him to enjoy time and home and with me as he is a summer birth and would be starting school right after he turned 4.

Do what you think is right for your family. I've never thought about what other parents are doing re. childcare hours, so I doubt anyone is worrying about your choices.

Well most working mums are feeling really guilty for putting their toddlers in nursery for so many hours.

It's all in your head (and I say that kindly). Your daughter is getting the best of both worlds.

Both of my girls did 15 hours per week (term time only) at nursery from around 3 until school age, this was the free hours we were entitled to.
We could afford more hours but I was a SAHM and enjoyed having that time with them. I’d say it was a luxury to have that quality time together!

Apologies I can see from your other posts it wasn't meant like that. It was just a little hard to get my head around how you could feel bad for such a lovely, positive set up for your child. There isn't a right or wrong way with nursery it's just what balance each family needs, and I don't know anyone who bats an eyelid either way really. AUou're completely right it's totally possible to have mental health challenges and be an amazing parent. I hope you soon find the things that help. The ACT therapy books by Russ Harris might be worth a look while you're waiting or the Self compassion workbooks/website from Kristin Neff. Local Mind charities often have offers to support parental mental health, some have like fab craft groups or different things you can do for your wellbeing and self esteem so may be worth an explore.Sorry if my initial response sounded harsh, I can see now you were really struggling with this, and glad you have support and reassurance that what you are doing is not only Ok, but actually wonderful for your child :) .

I think you need to see this post as a reset OP.
Your perception is that everyone is judging you for your perceived failure.
In reality your daughter is happy, you can enjoy relaxed afternoons with her and as you can see from the comments - no one would be giving your situation a second thought.
Keep your thoughts as simple as possible.
Do what you can, seek joy from simple pleasures - sunny days, walks in the park, a happy daughter.
Remind yourself of this thread if you feel that you are being judged. You’re not! x

Hey, you are flapping around in a worry whirlpool, bless u
don’t compare what hours your DD does to others, no one cares and judges - if they do, that’s weird and that’s on them !
it’s fab you have the afternoons with your DD, she will be in school full time soon enough and u never get those afternoons again !
it sounds like you have had incredibly difficult circumstances come your way, and that you care so much about being a good mum and doing the right things,
ease off the self judgement if u can, sounds like you are doing amazing-
your DD is lucky to have u

You said no one was stopping her from getting a job. I’m assuming her disability is stopping her from getting a job. That’s the point.

OP, I think I may understand part of what you feel.
I, too, was once married with a good job and had a pretty good quality of life.
By the time my twins were ready for nursery, I was on my own with them, in a grotty flat, on UC (also LCWRCA). I felt so ashamed.
But, honestly, no-one at nursery batted an eyelid that my two were only in until lunchtime. No-one.
And, it worked for them, as we did a lot of outdoor activities, mini adventures or arts and crafts in the afternoon.
It was a beautiful time and I cherish those memories (conveniently forgetting how tough the days were with hyperactive twins, now support and a shit ex!).
You're doing what you can with what you've got, so please cut yourself some slack.
X

OP, I think I may understand part of what you feel.
I, too, was once married with a good job and had a pretty good quality of life.
By the time my twins were ready for nursery, I was on my own with them, in a grotty flat, on UC (also LCWRCA). I felt so ashamed.
But, honestly, no-one at nursery batted an eyelid that my two were only in until lunchtime. No-one.
And, it worked for them, as we did a lot of outdoor activities, mini adventures or arts and crafts in the afternoon.
It was a beautiful time and I cherish those memories (conveniently forgetting how tough the days were with hyperactive twins, now support and a shit ex!).
You're doing what you can with what you've got, so please cut yourself some slack.
X

Yeah I dont get the point but OK. I never said she must work, you're all being a bit odd.

So all disabilities are different, and some disabled people have a higher capacity for work than others. But you know that, of course.

I didnt say she had to work. Stop being weird.

Your posts are always so kind, @VickyEadieofThigh

She obviously can't work so your point is useless.

I work and my two did half days at nursery, I used to work mornings ... there really isn't any conclusions to jump to from her doing half days.

And no-one else will know anyway if they are picking up in the afternoon they have no way of knowing if you were there 3 hours earlier or 3 minutes.

Oprah Winfrey doesn't have children.

Honestly, noone cares who goes to nursery part time. Pretty sure JK Rowling and Oprah Winfrey and many others were single mums on social benefits omce upon a time, regardless of whether you like them or not.
The early years of child rearing are hard graft in itself. Good things will come in time. If you dont like being on benefits then start thinking about what you would like to work towards doing.
I know people that started out like you and have retrained in law, started a cleaning business, got retrained in office management, or catering etc when their kids were old enough to go to school after being at home with them. You can change your situation with time if thats what you want. But dont feel bad about right now.

Well quite. So?

So?

Not every disability is the same.

You're not failing.
Loads of kids only go part time to nursery. Mine did- nothing to do with money, I just wanted to spend that extra time with them before they started school.
No one knows your situation unless you tell them. Even then, why would they think less of you?
Don't rush into getting a full time job, you'll never get this special time with your kid again - soon they'll be off to big school when you can then up your hours.
Be kind to yourself and tell anyone who's nasty to fuck off.

I don’t think you need to worry, anyone who is eligible for 15 rather than 30 hours funding from age three will probably make the same choice, it’s just that they don’t happen to use the same pre-school as you do. As long as your daughter is happy at the nursery and she’s well looked after there then I don’t think she is missing out.

Or at least unfit for work if she has limited capacity to work on UC.