To feel like an outcast because my child is the only child who doesn't go to nursery school all day :(

I actually think mornings only is the ideal situation. That's what I chose for mine. They get a chance to learn and socialise but not be exhausted by a full day yet.

I qualify for the full 30 hours and it works out either three full days or five half days at our nursery (8-6). So you are being a bit unhinged thinking everyone has their child in full time nursery. When we can collect our DD early we do, as such long days away from us are not ideal so young.

I think you are amazing.

You have survived severe domestic abuse and created safety for you and your daughter.

I think you are making the best decisions you can for yourself and your child.

You are not useless. He put those words in your head and it’s really hard to get them out.

Also children are only little for a really short time and it’s brilliant that you and she want to enjoy this time together. I am reminded of my friend who told me the reason she was a SAHM was because she didn’t have children in order for someone else to look after them.

Enjoy this time with her. It is healing. There will be time later when you have recovered some more to do the job search etc.

And fuck what anyone else thinks. Maybe they’re really jealous that you get to have all that time with your child and they don’t. Every time you worry about what they think, imagine that they’re jealous you have this time.

Wishing you a strong recovery in time ❤️

OP I sent my dc for half days to nursery. It was so good for them, particularly ds2, as he got all the benefits of the socialisation and preparation for the school environment plus one on one time with me where we read books together, went on walks and talked. It was excellent for his conversational skills and he started school doing really well despite being summer-born.

your dc is getting the best deal here. Enjoy the time you’re able to stay with them before school.

This, why would she be better off with a parent who is working more than full time rather than a parent who spends quality time with her most days?

I can promise you that there are so so many parents out there who would love to be able to spend as much time with their child as you do.

I guarantee you some of the parents at your DD nursery who have their children in full time wish they were able to pick them up at lunchtimes and spend and afternoon with them.

Both my children went to nursery school in the mornings only. All the nursery schools (as opposed to daycare nurseries) around here only have morning or afternoon sessions, you can’t go for the full day. It’s completely normal and the perfect balance of them getting a bit of socialisation and used to school routines before they actually start school and being able to spend quality time with them whilst they are little.

You’re just having a bit of a wobble. You are doing the best thing for your child. Don’t worry.

Don't respond to the negative posts. Take from the reassuring positive post's, they're the majority. Focus on the positives in your life too, it'll boost your confidence.

Put all your negativity out of your head. Your child is almost certainly better off at home with mum reading and playing happily together. There will almost certainly be other mums who are upset because they have to leave their children all day because they are stuck in full time jobs.

In the event that your daughter does ask about the afternoon sessions you just tell her that she can stay at home and do nice things with mummy. Do not underestimate the value of an afternoon in the library, helping to prepare good and doing painting together.

Meanwhile I’m feeling guilt that mine has to go into breakfast and after school club on only his 3rd ever day there, until I go on maternity leave when I can drop the clubs and decide whether to do full or half days

Was planning to see how he gets on but for the first few weeks I am DREADING having to leave him there for full days plus clubs, but no choice really we need two wages

I’m in an area where most kids do just the morning or afternoon session, not many in wraparound or clubs, so the opposite to you OP

Floods of tears? A bit dramatic isn't it.

What difference do the hours a child attends nursery make? No one gives a toss how long your child is at nursery except you.

You are no better or worse than parents of children who attend for a different number of hours. Your child is no better or worse than children who attend for a different number of hours.

Really, no one cares so don't cry over it.

Your job as a parent is to keep your child safe, well and loved. It sounds like you've done that, she's been removed from a DV situation, she attends nursery and socialises with her peers, and gets plenty of time with her mummy too.

You're doing well OP, rebuilding your life will take time, the immediate priority was to ensure both of your safety and that's exactly what you have done.

We all feel mum guilt/judged. I feel it for my kids being in nursery full days and not getting as much of my time as I'd like in an ideal world.

Mine is only going mornings. According to the nursery teacher many children only go to these sessions and then start school.

You need to get it into context.

How many kids are in the class, do you think about all these children individually on a daily basis? Do you know the family set up of each of these children and the money that comes in each month? Do each of those kids take up most of your thoughts each day? If not, then that’s exactly how much other people are filling their heads with you and your child.

What 'label'? Why 'outcast'?
No-one else cares how often your child goes to nursery, even if they know.
Total over-dramatisation.

This is not a real problem, but you are focusing on this because of other problems in your life. I hope you feel better soon.

OP it sounds like you're in a rough place. As I'm sure you know, the issue you posted about isn't the real issue. You sound very down and burned out. As you rightly say, mental health support is hard to find at the moment but do you have people who can support you day to day? Do you have people to talk to?

In case it needs saying again, literally nobody gives a shit about what hours your DC is in nursery. I doubt anyone even knows. It's just not a thing to waste your precious energy thinking about.

You're doing a good job under very trying circumstances. Please don't give up trying to find help.

I don't see the problem either. My eldest went 3 days a week for 6 hours a day until he was 4. My youngest is 2.5 and does the same and will do the same until he's 4 as well, maybe even 5.

Nothing wrong with half days at nursery and time with mum or dad or grandparents. On the contrary, if you have opportunity to do so, then it's lovely to spend that extra time with them before they go to school full time.

I have no idea what timetable the other children at DD’s nursery are on. And in the nicest possible way, I really honestly could not care less.

I hear you my marriage broke up just before my son turned two so I was eligible for the two year funding he had speech and language issues so it was thought to be a great idea he go in! (Didn't do much to be fair apart from prove the point it was not my fault he had issues) i felt....poor (?) A failure a "charity case" i was glad when he started school and we were all in the same boat

No, I think you are missing the bigger picture here, OP is annihilating herself for not being good enough, she does not believe she is doing better for having part hours in nursery

OP, I was a single parent when DS was in nursery. He went 1.5 days a week, as that's the the Government's 'free' 15hrs covered. I couldn't afford to pay for more hours and I could only work for the limited time he was at nursery, as there were no other childcare options. Being at nursery part time (or not going to nursery at all) will not harm your child or their prospects in any way. You have not failed them and I think few people would put their children in nursery full time if they didn't have to. Both you and she are happy with this arrangement. You're doing great.

It sounds as if OP wants lots of people to reassure her that PT nursery is much better than FT nursery, which is a bit insensitive as some parents don’t have a choice (no skin in the game, mine are much older)

So plenty of mums feel guilty for sending their children to nursery full time and only having them for a few hours in the evenings and 2 days at the weekend.

We have this growing narrative now (particularly as the 30 hours for 9 months old has come in) that all mums should be working full time and children are fine in full time nursery.

It's complicated because some parents genuinely need to work full time to meet the ridiculous living costs we all face. But our society (and governments) see mums as a potential economic unit and has normalized that rather than valuing is as mums.

There's trade offs. Some children will be happier in nursery because perhaps home life isn't that great. There's also luck of placements, but I think in general, full time nursery has been proven to be too much for under 4s. I've also seen some ridiculous settings where kids are like sardines, crammed into pokey small rooms in village halls.

Personally I struggle to imagine that every single child is there full time except yours. And I'd feel glad to pick my child up early!

My kids went to a private school nursery and it was v common that the kids would have a nanny or SAHP and then just do the universal 15 hours since they weren’t eligible for the 30 because the household income too high and also they didn’t need the childcare. My point is that it’s not like 15 hours marks you out as being on UC so please forget that hang up. And it sounds like your current routine works great for both of you. So relax, stop worrying about what everyone else thinks and enjoy this last year before she starts school- it will go by so quickly!