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Original poster

My only dc never goes to playdates or sleepovers

32 replies

Twinkletwinklelittlestar97 · 03/09/2025 11:51

My only dc is 9 and has never been on a play date or sleepover. And I can't help feeling it's my fault! I have been unable to get to know other parents at school due to my working hours. I drop off in the morning and then its a rush to the job. Then either one of the grandma's will do pick up. One goes back to her home to play & the other goes back to her home to carry on with a bit more work as she wfh. However, both grandma's will take her to the park after school almost every day, where a lot of the children also go, and its here she gets to play with school friends outside of school. They also walk the dog, who she adores.
Outside of school she sees her similar aged cousins and also has sports twice a week.
She is a very happy and confident child, enjoys school and has a lot of friends at school. I can't help feeling she's missing out by not having play dates with school friends, say maybe at the weekend.
What do you think, is she missing out? Maybe it will sort itself out when they're old enough not to need parents to sort out their social life. I'm hoping so.

OP posts:
Moonnstars · 03/09/2025 12:02

We haven't done sleepovers or playdates. The kids see each other lots in school and I want to spend time with my children doing things at weekends/holidays.
To try and fit in playdates around various clubs is a nightmare - we did try arranging a playdate for my son but every day ended up being ruled out as either he or his friend had something on.

AncientHarpy · 03/09/2025 12:01

How many weekend playdates have you initiated?

I almost never did drop off or pick ups and I still invited children DS liked around for playdates, either at weekends, or on the occasional day I could finish early at work. We moved country a few years ago when he was eight, and I invited some classmates he liked over after school within a couple of weeks. The parents involved hardly knew me, but the kids had a good time, and I got to meet the parents properly when they picked up their children. I'm still good friends with them, and the children are now all at different secondaries.

ResusciAnnie · 03/09/2025 11:59

No sleepovers is fine.

No play dates is a bit sad although for us about half of our play dates are park meet ups anyway, so if you frame it that way, she has play dates at the park with her friends all the time? Just not specific friends, whoever is there perhaps.

Anyway. Can’t grandmas invite a friend back to theirs with DD? Each grandma could do one a month or something, so not too crazy. That’s 2 a month for DD, which is good.

You should definitely do the inviting though. I’m forever telling my kids you can’t just wait around to be invited - invite people to yours!

Mumneedstea · 03/09/2025 11:57

Does she have close friendships at school? Friends that she talks about? Maybe start with having them over at yours for play dates and sleepovers and take it from there?
I'm similar to you - job is very demanding and I'm usually not there for drop offs and pickups. So I started with inviting DCs' friends over for sleepovers and playdates and gradually over time they got the invites back.

Previously parents didn't need to manage their children's social lives as children used to go out themselves and meet up with friends outside of school from a young age. That doesn't happen anymore unless you're in secondary school, so I do think parents need to step in if friendships are not developing naturally.

Having said that, if your daughter isn't that bothered, then you don't need to stress too much a out it.

Comedycook · 03/09/2025 11:57

I agree with the poster above, it doesn't matter about sleepovers really. The playdate thing is a shame. Unfortunately this is how it is nowadays....it's all about who the parents are friendly with rather than the kids. I will say your dds life sounds fine though, friends at school, sports outside of school and cousins to hang out with.

SparklingRivers · 03/09/2025 11:55

Invite her closest 2 school friends for a sleepover at a weekend soon, once you do invites most will invite back.

DaisyChain505 · 03/09/2025 11:53

No sleepovers is fine. I don’t think they should be happening at such a young age however the play dates side of things is a bit sad.

Has your child never been invited to one?

Do you know who their close group of friends are?

It’s never too late to start making an effort.