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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sacked because of a spoon - aibu?

441 replies

SackedByaSpoon · 03/09/2025 11:09

I have been working as a private Housekeeper for several years now for an elderly lady with two sons.

Part of that role was driving her to her medical appointments. She had one early yesterday morning and because the timing was tight, I took my breakfast with me to eat while she was in her appointment. When I got to the house, I realised I'd left my spoon at home and asked her if I could borrow one. She was fine with me taking one to use.

I totally forgot about it in my lunch box and realised last night when I got home and took it out to wash. Popped the spoon through the dishwasher too, and put it in my handbag to return today.

The youngest son was in the house when I got there today and immediately accused me of hiding his mum's watch to see if anyone noticed. (Which is worth a lot of money.) She'd worn it to her appointment and back home so I knew it was somewhere, and found it quite quickly in her bedroom on the floor between her bed and bedside table. (Son has in the past "joked" about me using up his inheritance by working there)

I just want to be absolutely clear here - I have never taken a single thing from this house that wasn't given directly to me like small gifts for birthday and Christmas. I could probably have made hundreds in the time I've been there by taking random "lost" coins and small notes but I always put them into the tray, with notes going under a magnet on the fridge. I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable.

With the watch found, I went to start my normal jobs - I always take my rings off and put them in my purse. Went to do that and realised the spoon was in my bag so went to put it back (it was in a food bag, not swimming around in my handbag naked)

Son went absolutely mental, to the point he frightened me, screaming and shouting about how I'm trying to steal stuff and I can't be trusted. Eileen (not her real name) was frightened too, and crying and I was doing my best to calm the situation because I was quite honest properly scared. He's a big man and the house is on its own in acres of grounds.

He told me to get out, that he doesn't want to see me again and that I'm a nasty scrounger trying to rob his mum. I left over an hour ago and I'm still incredibly shaken by the entire thing... I've never been spoken to like that before, not once, and I keep thinking about him storming towards me and being so angry.

I have no idea what to do next... I don't know if I should go back tomorrow or what to do.

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock000 · 04/09/2025 12:39

I'm so sorry, the bloody cheek of him.
Unfortunately some members of society see home helpers, carers and cleaners as lowlife thieves, they leave random coins and small notes around as a test before they'll trust the worker.
It's absolutely disgusting.

GAJLY · 04/09/2025 12:33

I've been thinking of you and I wouldn't go back unless they guaranteed the son wouldn't be there. Did you manage to ring Elieen? Was she even aware of what had happened?

Theyreeatingthedogs · 04/09/2025 12:21

So what happened next?

Steeleydan · 04/09/2025 12:04

OdeToTheNorthWestWind · 04/09/2025 10:01

Not at all, there is clearly something else going on here. My guess would be that the son is setting up the OP so that when small, valuable items such as jewellery, start to go "missing", there is someone to point the finger at.

Show quote history

And I'd guarantee these 'missing ' items are a set up by him

OdeToTheNorthWestWind · 04/09/2025 10:01

FancyHelper · 03/09/2025 21:58

A spoon? This is all about a spoon? How ridiculous

Not at all, there is clearly something else going on here. My guess would be that the son is setting up the OP so that when small, valuable items such as jewellery, start to go "missing", there is someone to point the finger at.

Nodecaffallowed · 04/09/2025 08:57

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request

Nodecaffallowed · 04/09/2025 08:52

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request

ThisZanyPinkSquid · 04/09/2025 07:02

Are there cameras in the house? I worry the son may lie if you speak to the older son.

It’s intimidation. I agree with speaking to the other son as Eileen appears vulnerable and was scared too…is he the one that’s stealing/looking after his inheritance and you could be a witness to it all so got rid in such a dramatic way?

If you get nowhere with adult social services all the police and ask them to do a welfare check!!

Emmafuller79 · 04/09/2025 02:48

SackedByaSpoon · 03/09/2025 11:09

I have been working as a private Housekeeper for several years now for an elderly lady with two sons.

Part of that role was driving her to her medical appointments. She had one early yesterday morning and because the timing was tight, I took my breakfast with me to eat while she was in her appointment. When I got to the house, I realised I'd left my spoon at home and asked her if I could borrow one. She was fine with me taking one to use.

I totally forgot about it in my lunch box and realised last night when I got home and took it out to wash. Popped the spoon through the dishwasher too, and put it in my handbag to return today.

The youngest son was in the house when I got there today and immediately accused me of hiding his mum's watch to see if anyone noticed. (Which is worth a lot of money.) She'd worn it to her appointment and back home so I knew it was somewhere, and found it quite quickly in her bedroom on the floor between her bed and bedside table. (Son has in the past "joked" about me using up his inheritance by working there)

I just want to be absolutely clear here - I have never taken a single thing from this house that wasn't given directly to me like small gifts for birthday and Christmas. I could probably have made hundreds in the time I've been there by taking random "lost" coins and small notes but I always put them into the tray, with notes going under a magnet on the fridge. I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable.

With the watch found, I went to start my normal jobs - I always take my rings off and put them in my purse. Went to do that and realised the spoon was in my bag so went to put it back (it was in a food bag, not swimming around in my handbag naked)

Son went absolutely mental, to the point he frightened me, screaming and shouting about how I'm trying to steal stuff and I can't be trusted. Eileen (not her real name) was frightened too, and crying and I was doing my best to calm the situation because I was quite honest properly scared. He's a big man and the house is on its own in acres of grounds.

He told me to get out, that he doesn't want to see me again and that I'm a nasty scrounger trying to rob his mum. I left over an hour ago and I'm still incredibly shaken by the entire thing... I've never been spoken to like that before, not once, and I keep thinking about him storming towards me and being so angry.

I have no idea what to do next... I don't know if I should go back tomorrow or what to do.

You sound lovely... The sons a bully who has his eye to the main chance. His mum is vulnereble

contact ACAS for free advise
contact adult services about that poor woman
phone the police about the bully and see what they say

sending you 🥰

mathanxiety · 04/09/2025 01:48

Evenstar · 03/09/2025 11:12

I would leave, but report a safeguarding concern to Adult Social Services as I think the elderly lady is extremely vulnerable and at risk of financial abuse and coercive control.

Agree.

PardonMeNot · 04/09/2025 01:25

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 11:23

“I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable”

Rather strange wording here. You don’t say you have never taken something, just that you have never been accused of it, Have you ever taken anything?

Oh FFS. Don’t be ridiculous.

Thursdayschild2025 · 04/09/2025 01:11

SackedByaSpoon · 03/09/2025 11:37

I think my plan is

  • contact the other son and tell him what happened so he can check on them both
  • make a report to adult social services
  • contact acas and ask them for advice
  • figure out if I want to go back and a safe way to do that, if there is one.

Does that sound reasonable? I've never experienced anything like this and it has properly shaken me.

Edited

All good but you must also file a police report.

"Son went absolutely mental, to the point he frightened me, screaming and shouting about how I'm trying to steal stuff and I can't be trusted. Eileen (not her real name) was frightened too, and crying and I was doing my best to calm the situation because I was quite honest properly scared. He's a big man and the house is on its own in acres of grounds."

DRose3 · 04/09/2025 01:07

I would contact social services, and the POLICE too to protect both you, and his mum. If this is how he acts in front of his mother to a carer, then I can only imagine what he is like with other people. He sounds unhinged, and dangerous, and I’m willing to bet this is not the first time he has acted aggressively like this. Work shouldn’t feel unsafe, and threatening.

I would also be worried that he would report you to the police for stealing. Also who knows how he is treating or mistreating his mother.

Are you part of a union? I’ve heard ACAS can be hit and miss regarding advice. Review your contract, and consider if you would still feel safe working there.

Good luck, and stay strong.

LancashireButterPie · 04/09/2025 00:18

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 11:23

“I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable”

Rather strange wording here. You don’t say you have never taken something, just that you have never been accused of it, Have you ever taken anything?

It isn't strangely worded at all.

Bridgetjonesheart · 04/09/2025 00:00

Ring the police or local authority to submit a safeguarding for the poor old woman and flag his accusations to safeguard yourself from further slander against you.

Daygloboo · 04/09/2025 00:00

REP22 · 03/09/2025 16:27

That sounds extremely wise, balanced and fair. The best courses of action in the circumstances. Very best wishes to you. x

Show quote history

Yes. A good plan. Make sure she is safe. Speak to SS. And make sure you are safe too.

Daygloboo · 03/09/2025 23:57

BuildbyNumbere · 03/09/2025 17:52

Seek legal advice as if you are under a contract you cannot be sacked like that.
You can also report to SS if you have concerns about her welfare and I would also report to 101 for threatening and abusive behaviour towards you. This wouldn’t be acceptable in an office, so why in a home, your place of work.

Absolutely

Daygloboo · 03/09/2025 23:57

penfoldanddangermouse · 03/09/2025 22:08

THIS

Wouldn't be surprised if the prick is projecting and stealing from her himself, poor woman.

Show quote history

Yes i agree

ReadingSoManyThreads · 03/09/2025 22:46

Hopefully Eileen will write this nasty excuse of a man out of her Will. That'll sicken him.

Conkersinautumn · 03/09/2025 22:18

I've worked in caring for various people, including one particular elderly lady. Fortunately I was with a company and a different dynamic with the son being involved thinh, but a complex mother/ son/ tension over the 'need' for support. I wasn't even directly accused but as my integrity was questioned I requested my manager sit down with the son to reflect on whether the support was working out. Because these relationships ARE ones of trust, we go in to work in someone's home, so we are going to NEED trust to do our role. A lack of trust is a major sticking point. Rapport is damaged. Unfortunately when someone IS vulnerable in someway that's hard to come back from, because the reliance needs trust at a deep.level. I'm sorry to say that with the dynamic between family/ Eileen and such an intimidating and threatening man I personally could not work for Eileen (no matter how.lovely). Because you can't guarantee he won't be there, Eileen is now in an awkward situation, she probably enjoys your support and company, but her son has thrown in this huge spanner of doubt and fear for both of you. Yes if you are aware of a social worker who is involved a quiet report about his intimidating (if defensive) behaviour and its impact on his mother. Unfortunately many relatives are obsessed with ££, but it always sets of alarms for me when a relative brings it up time and again.

penfoldanddangermouse · 03/09/2025 22:08

Evenstar · 03/09/2025 11:12

I would leave, but report a safeguarding concern to Adult Social Services as I think the elderly lady is extremely vulnerable and at risk of financial abuse and coercive control.

THIS

Wouldn't be surprised if the prick is projecting and stealing from her himself, poor woman.

FancyHelper · 03/09/2025 21:58

A spoon? This is all about a spoon? How ridiculous

Thehappygardener · 03/09/2025 21:48

The son who screamed at you seems overly concerned with ‘his inheritance’ I think, and his comment wasn’t a joke, I’m afraid.

A friends father died recently after an illness of several years, sadly her brother had been very worried about spending ‘the inheritance’ on care workers. So he made himself, and others in the family, depressed and miserable by caring for his fragile but somewhat demanding father.

Care workers would have done a better job for a fraction of the money which eventually went in death duties.

In fact, depending on the value of the house and savings money in the bank, up to 40% of the sons ‘inheritance’ will go in tax. Much, much better for your employer to get some good help from what is ‘her’ money, not her son’s, and get paid care in while she needs it.

And you sound fabulous, do hope that this all resolves well.

🌷

ChilledBeez · 03/09/2025 21:44

There's always one 🙄

saraclara · 03/09/2025 21:40

Eileen is your employer. Your contract is with her. Her son cannot sack you, and if Eileen relies on you, you need to go in tomorrow, even if you then decide to resign. Hopefully the other son will be there?