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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sacked because of a spoon - aibu?

441 replies

SackedByaSpoon · 03/09/2025 11:09

I have been working as a private Housekeeper for several years now for an elderly lady with two sons.

Part of that role was driving her to her medical appointments. She had one early yesterday morning and because the timing was tight, I took my breakfast with me to eat while she was in her appointment. When I got to the house, I realised I'd left my spoon at home and asked her if I could borrow one. She was fine with me taking one to use.

I totally forgot about it in my lunch box and realised last night when I got home and took it out to wash. Popped the spoon through the dishwasher too, and put it in my handbag to return today.

The youngest son was in the house when I got there today and immediately accused me of hiding his mum's watch to see if anyone noticed. (Which is worth a lot of money.) She'd worn it to her appointment and back home so I knew it was somewhere, and found it quite quickly in her bedroom on the floor between her bed and bedside table. (Son has in the past "joked" about me using up his inheritance by working there)

I just want to be absolutely clear here - I have never taken a single thing from this house that wasn't given directly to me like small gifts for birthday and Christmas. I could probably have made hundreds in the time I've been there by taking random "lost" coins and small notes but I always put them into the tray, with notes going under a magnet on the fridge. I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable.

With the watch found, I went to start my normal jobs - I always take my rings off and put them in my purse. Went to do that and realised the spoon was in my bag so went to put it back (it was in a food bag, not swimming around in my handbag naked)

Son went absolutely mental, to the point he frightened me, screaming and shouting about how I'm trying to steal stuff and I can't be trusted. Eileen (not her real name) was frightened too, and crying and I was doing my best to calm the situation because I was quite honest properly scared. He's a big man and the house is on its own in acres of grounds.

He told me to get out, that he doesn't want to see me again and that I'm a nasty scrounger trying to rob his mum. I left over an hour ago and I'm still incredibly shaken by the entire thing... I've never been spoken to like that before, not once, and I keep thinking about him storming towards me and being so angry.

I have no idea what to do next... I don't know if I should go back tomorrow or what to do.

OP posts:
Notfeelinguptoit · 04/09/2025 22:35

SackedByaSpoon · 03/09/2025 15:04

The oldest son is a really good guy and though I've only met him a few times, we have got along really well. He's traveling back to check on his mum (lives a few hours away).

Have tried acas but was stuck on hold so will try them again on the morning.

Have dropped an email with my concerns to adult social services for my area too.

I've decided I'm not going back to the house until I have an assurance he won't be there. I'm also going to ring Eileen later tonight to check on her when I'm sure he should be at work.

Im so sorry this has happened to you.
The son sounds absolutely unhinged and I don’t blame you for being scared.
It sounds like he’s jealous about the relationship you’ve built with his mum and that he may be left out of the will.
You've done the right thing reporting him and it’s likely the lady herself might be scared of him.
She may pacify him for an easy life.

I worked for years in both Home Care and housekeeping and I like you always made a note of things I’d found, left notes, let my company know.

Your vulnerable being in somebody else’s house and anything that could go wrong could easily be pinned on you.
It must be harder for you too as I’m guessing you work for yourself?

I once had a lady with dementia accuse me of stealing her address book, luckily i found it but that fear I felt of being accused of something I know I’d not done was awful.

Bathingforest · 04/09/2025 22:32

are there updates? Such a strange and sad story... poor old lady, with all that money but this man openly shouting at all of you about inheritance

Gymnopediegivesmethewillies · 04/09/2025 22:29

How did it go @SackedByaSpoon ? Did the elder son sort things out?

Mumoftwoandcats · 04/09/2025 21:48

Are you employed directly by Eileen or by an agency?

jessr1990 · 04/09/2025 21:25

Sorry, double posted.

jessr1990 · 04/09/2025 21:23

How able, or unable/dependent on others (or carers) is Eileen?

Given you were both frightened and scared, to the point of Eileen crying, I'd be concerned for her safety if he's going to be someone responsible for her care. If he was able to manage all of Eileen's care needs, I imagine he would do so if he's so bothered about his inheritance.

The fact that he has scared you both, and has mentioned the finances, and she could be relying on him either to sort a new carer, or care for her him self, I'd be considering reporting this as a safeguarding concern to the local council's safeguarding adults board/department.

Obviously I dont have all the information but this could come under neglect, if her needs aren't met, or abuse if he is abusive, and if she is reliant on others, I'd say her needs make her vulnerable.

Are you able to telephone Eileen and ask what she wants? Does she want you to go back tomorrow? If so, would you feel able to?

helenatroy · 04/09/2025 21:19

All ok with you OP. Found myself worried about you today. The unfairness of it all. The son you met sounded unhinged.

Mustbethat · 04/09/2025 20:58

Ferrit6 · 04/09/2025 20:32

for the record power of attorney does not come into play if the person it is for has capacity to make decisions for themselves - it’s really clear that she is perfectly fine and not senile or suffering from dementia - I think you should speak to her as your contract is with her but inform her other son for your own safety -if you care about her then don’t make it so easy for her other son to push you out - not going back may make it easier for him to say you were a thief … I’d put what happened in writing so you can say your version of events and express how he made you and her feel … good luck

Edited

If it’s a LPA it can be utilised while the donor is still competent. They don’t have to have lost capacity.

LPA’s can be invoked if the donor needs help with everyday tasks such as banking or medical issues.

so it can come into play. The abuser in my family got their relative to sign the LPA and immediately used it to access their bank accounts without their knowledge.

it’s EPA’s that can’t be used unless the donor loses capacity.

carchi · 04/09/2025 20:56

Evenstar · 03/09/2025 11:12

I would leave, but report a safeguarding concern to Adult Social Services as I think the elderly lady is extremely vulnerable and at risk of financial abuse and coercive control.

Absolutely this. Please report the sons behaviour whatever happens because he is abusive and unpredictable and she is so vulnerable.

Ferrit6 · 04/09/2025 20:32

for the record power of attorney does not come into play if the person it is for has capacity to make decisions for themselves - it’s really clear that she is perfectly fine and not senile or suffering from dementia - I think you should speak to her as your contract is with her but inform her other son for your own safety -if you care about her then don’t make it so easy for her other son to push you out - not going back may make it easier for him to say you were a thief … I’d put what happened in writing so you can say your version of events and express how he made you and her feel … good luck

RSSN · 04/09/2025 20:23

Go to the police and make a report, to cover yourself. Sounds like he's probably a p*ss useless horrible son and afraid that he'll lose his inheritance to you. I'm not saying that's what ur trying to do you. Sounds like ur just doing ur jobbut prob cos he Sounds like a A hole he's getting worried

Wildefish · 04/09/2025 20:21

SackedByaSpoon · 03/09/2025 11:09

I have been working as a private Housekeeper for several years now for an elderly lady with two sons.

Part of that role was driving her to her medical appointments. She had one early yesterday morning and because the timing was tight, I took my breakfast with me to eat while she was in her appointment. When I got to the house, I realised I'd left my spoon at home and asked her if I could borrow one. She was fine with me taking one to use.

I totally forgot about it in my lunch box and realised last night when I got home and took it out to wash. Popped the spoon through the dishwasher too, and put it in my handbag to return today.

The youngest son was in the house when I got there today and immediately accused me of hiding his mum's watch to see if anyone noticed. (Which is worth a lot of money.) She'd worn it to her appointment and back home so I knew it was somewhere, and found it quite quickly in her bedroom on the floor between her bed and bedside table. (Son has in the past "joked" about me using up his inheritance by working there)

I just want to be absolutely clear here - I have never taken a single thing from this house that wasn't given directly to me like small gifts for birthday and Christmas. I could probably have made hundreds in the time I've been there by taking random "lost" coins and small notes but I always put them into the tray, with notes going under a magnet on the fridge. I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable.

With the watch found, I went to start my normal jobs - I always take my rings off and put them in my purse. Went to do that and realised the spoon was in my bag so went to put it back (it was in a food bag, not swimming around in my handbag naked)

Son went absolutely mental, to the point he frightened me, screaming and shouting about how I'm trying to steal stuff and I can't be trusted. Eileen (not her real name) was frightened too, and crying and I was doing my best to calm the situation because I was quite honest properly scared. He's a big man and the house is on its own in acres of grounds.

He told me to get out, that he doesn't want to see me again and that I'm a nasty scrounger trying to rob his mum. I left over an hour ago and I'm still incredibly shaken by the entire thing... I've never been spoken to like that before, not once, and I keep thinking about him storming towards me and being so angry.

I have no idea what to do next... I don't know if I should go back tomorrow or what to do.

I fear he is looking for an excuse as he can see his inheritance slipping away. Horrible man. Poor woman.

TamarindTreeSunset · 04/09/2025 20:20

You should talk to the police. The son may now be worried about his loss of temper and how he frightened you. He will assume you'll talk to someone, and he won't be thinking MN. To cover his own back he may falsely accuse you of taking things. I do feel sorry for you. If it happened to me I would feel very worried. You have been accused of theft and you need to protect your reputation. Good luck.

Miaminmoo · 04/09/2025 20:08

I still can’t get past the part where you had to ask to borrow a spoon. I would not go back and report a safeguarding concern regarding the lady. Make sure you are given what you are owed or contact ACAS for help.

GreatFish · 04/09/2025 20:07

Get a grip.

T1Dmama · 04/09/2025 20:04

Adult social services aren’t very good sadly.
mid report his intimidation if you to the police.
id call Eileen and ask if she wants you to
return, She’s your employer not this dick head bully

LoremIpsumCici · 04/09/2025 20:00

Evenstar · 03/09/2025 11:12

I would leave, but report a safeguarding concern to Adult Social Services as I think the elderly lady is extremely vulnerable and at risk of financial abuse and coercive control.

^ Absolutely this.

JustAnotherManicMomday · 04/09/2025 19:57

If your in the UK contact social services. I would be concerned for her welfare and it sounds like her son does not want her looked after so he gets his hands on inheritance sooner before she uses her money for herself.

Salome61 · 04/09/2025 19:57

Sorry not to see an update, I hope you are OK.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 04/09/2025 19:16

Twas probs the one that was in his gob when he was born. He wanted it back.

Smurfette63 · 04/09/2025 19:04

SackedByaSpoon · 03/09/2025 11:09

I have been working as a private Housekeeper for several years now for an elderly lady with two sons.

Part of that role was driving her to her medical appointments. She had one early yesterday morning and because the timing was tight, I took my breakfast with me to eat while she was in her appointment. When I got to the house, I realised I'd left my spoon at home and asked her if I could borrow one. She was fine with me taking one to use.

I totally forgot about it in my lunch box and realised last night when I got home and took it out to wash. Popped the spoon through the dishwasher too, and put it in my handbag to return today.

The youngest son was in the house when I got there today and immediately accused me of hiding his mum's watch to see if anyone noticed. (Which is worth a lot of money.) She'd worn it to her appointment and back home so I knew it was somewhere, and found it quite quickly in her bedroom on the floor between her bed and bedside table. (Son has in the past "joked" about me using up his inheritance by working there)

I just want to be absolutely clear here - I have never taken a single thing from this house that wasn't given directly to me like small gifts for birthday and Christmas. I could probably have made hundreds in the time I've been there by taking random "lost" coins and small notes but I always put them into the tray, with notes going under a magnet on the fridge. I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable.

With the watch found, I went to start my normal jobs - I always take my rings off and put them in my purse. Went to do that and realised the spoon was in my bag so went to put it back (it was in a food bag, not swimming around in my handbag naked)

Son went absolutely mental, to the point he frightened me, screaming and shouting about how I'm trying to steal stuff and I can't be trusted. Eileen (not her real name) was frightened too, and crying and I was doing my best to calm the situation because I was quite honest properly scared. He's a big man and the house is on its own in acres of grounds.

He told me to get out, that he doesn't want to see me again and that I'm a nasty scrounger trying to rob his mum. I left over an hour ago and I'm still incredibly shaken by the entire thing... I've never been spoken to like that before, not once, and I keep thinking about him storming towards me and being so angry.

I have no idea what to do next... I don't know if I should go back tomorrow or what to do.

You have to go back, if only to see if the lady is OK. Her son doesn't sound a very nice man and he might have had a go at her too for employing you. It sounds like he thinks more of his inheritance than the care for his mother.

ruethewhirl · 04/09/2025 18:47

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 11:23

“I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable”

Rather strange wording here. You don’t say you have never taken something, just that you have never been accused of it, Have you ever taken anything?

Oh good grief. Round of applause for the pp who told you to f off. What a weird interpretation to put on OP's words.

Falseknock · 04/09/2025 18:43

He told me to get out, that he doesn't want to see me again and that I'm a nasty scrounger trying to rob his mum.

He needs to look in the mirror and he will see a scrounger.

Falseknock · 04/09/2025 18:41

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 11:23

“I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable”

Rather strange wording here. You don’t say you have never taken something, just that you have never been accused of it, Have you ever taken anything?

🚨the grammar police is around be careful op. Your words will be twisted as if they are fucking police.

TiredAH · 04/09/2025 18:31

Call social services. Eileen is not safe.
Im so sorry.

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