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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sacked because of a spoon - aibu?

441 replies

SackedByaSpoon · 03/09/2025 11:09

I have been working as a private Housekeeper for several years now for an elderly lady with two sons.

Part of that role was driving her to her medical appointments. She had one early yesterday morning and because the timing was tight, I took my breakfast with me to eat while she was in her appointment. When I got to the house, I realised I'd left my spoon at home and asked her if I could borrow one. She was fine with me taking one to use.

I totally forgot about it in my lunch box and realised last night when I got home and took it out to wash. Popped the spoon through the dishwasher too, and put it in my handbag to return today.

The youngest son was in the house when I got there today and immediately accused me of hiding his mum's watch to see if anyone noticed. (Which is worth a lot of money.) She'd worn it to her appointment and back home so I knew it was somewhere, and found it quite quickly in her bedroom on the floor between her bed and bedside table. (Son has in the past "joked" about me using up his inheritance by working there)

I just want to be absolutely clear here - I have never taken a single thing from this house that wasn't given directly to me like small gifts for birthday and Christmas. I could probably have made hundreds in the time I've been there by taking random "lost" coins and small notes but I always put them into the tray, with notes going under a magnet on the fridge. I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable.

With the watch found, I went to start my normal jobs - I always take my rings off and put them in my purse. Went to do that and realised the spoon was in my bag so went to put it back (it was in a food bag, not swimming around in my handbag naked)

Son went absolutely mental, to the point he frightened me, screaming and shouting about how I'm trying to steal stuff and I can't be trusted. Eileen (not her real name) was frightened too, and crying and I was doing my best to calm the situation because I was quite honest properly scared. He's a big man and the house is on its own in acres of grounds.

He told me to get out, that he doesn't want to see me again and that I'm a nasty scrounger trying to rob his mum. I left over an hour ago and I'm still incredibly shaken by the entire thing... I've never been spoken to like that before, not once, and I keep thinking about him storming towards me and being so angry.

I have no idea what to do next... I don't know if I should go back tomorrow or what to do.

OP posts:
Becky37 · 03/09/2025 16:03

@SackedByaSpoon

Under no circumstances return to the house alone again untill adult social services have made contact. This kind of situation would be no lone working for carers or community nurses. The way he reacted is unstable at best and could escalate at worse. You must not return to that house.

1clavdivs · 03/09/2025 16:01

Son was looking for an excuse to kick off at you because he wants your employment ended and his 'inheritance' secure. I agree with telling Eileen you can only attend when he isn't there.

lilylooleelala · 03/09/2025 15:54

Evenstar · 03/09/2025 11:12

I would leave, but report a safeguarding concern to Adult Social Services as I think the elderly lady is extremely vulnerable and at risk of financial abuse and coercive control.

This exactly.

Rosscameasdoody · 03/09/2025 15:49

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 15:19

You’re rude!

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Which is to be expected in response to stupid and unnecessary comments which have no relevance to the issue.

tuvamoodyson · 03/09/2025 15:43

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 11:23

“I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable”

Rather strange wording here. You don’t say you have never taken something, just that you have never been accused of it, Have you ever taken anything?

Don't be ridiculous!

MadinMarch · 03/09/2025 15:42

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 11:23

“I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable”

Rather strange wording here. You don’t say you have never taken something, just that you have never been accused of it, Have you ever taken anything?

FFS!!!
There's nothing strange about the wording and it's perfectly clear that OP has never stolen from her employers.

PrincessFrederica · 03/09/2025 15:37

I am really sorry you were subject to this aggressive and unreasonable behavior from the son. I would consider filing a police report, actually.

Beenwhereyouareagain · 03/09/2025 15:32

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 11:23

“I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable”

Rather strange wording here. You don’t say you have never taken something, just that you have never been accused of it, Have you ever taken anything?

Your user name is quite apt- clear it out and stop stirring it up.

WaitWhatWhatWait · 03/09/2025 15:27

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 15:19

You’re rude!

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I actually think your post was ruder!

dottydaily · 03/09/2025 15:26

he sounds vile.perhaps a contract update to ensure he is not present when you are at the home. Its very difficult to get good staff especially where a level of care is required, so i hope for the ladys sake you can continue working there.

nosleepforme · 03/09/2025 15:23

ThejoyofNC · 03/09/2025 14:28

The son isn't her employer so he can't sack her.

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Well that’s obvious! But the thread title says sacked

YumYa · 03/09/2025 15:20

I agree re police

Anyahyacinth · 03/09/2025 15:19

Just wanted to thank you for doing such important work, genuinely sorry that man was abusive. Be sure to coddle yourself that must have been awful 💐💐💐💐

YumYa · 03/09/2025 15:19

@SackedByaSpoon that's abhorrent.

A friend of mine was once accused of stealing from an elderly woman's home. She almost had a nervous breakdown. Turns out family were stealing. The ones who accused her. Working in people's homes alone comes with so much responsibility.

I'm glad you're taking steps. And one ds is ok?

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 15:19

VoltaireMittyDream · 03/09/2025 15:03

Omg, what a paranoid inference and a shitty thing to say

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You’re rude!

Jobinterviewsandwich · 03/09/2025 15:15

What did the other son say re his brother’s outburst?

Will Eileen be able to (if not scared) confirm that she gave permission for the spoon to be used?

In these circumstances I’d be prepared to make a police report due to aggressive behaviour. After all this is your workplace, if he’d done that in a building with security he’d have been frogmarched away.

TheFormidableMrsC · 03/09/2025 15:13

SackedByaSpoon · 03/09/2025 15:04

The oldest son is a really good guy and though I've only met him a few times, we have got along really well. He's traveling back to check on his mum (lives a few hours away).

Have tried acas but was stuck on hold so will try them again on the morning.

Have dropped an email with my concerns to adult social services for my area too.

I've decided I'm not going back to the house until I have an assurance he won't be there. I'm also going to ring Eileen later tonight to check on her when I'm sure he should be at work.

Does the oldest son know what happened today? Please contact the police, I would be very worried about the safety of Eileen and control and financial abuse.

Cookingupmyfirstbornson · 03/09/2025 15:13

He sounds unhinged, speak to her and see what she says.

MarioLink · 03/09/2025 15:08

I would consider it unsafe for you to try to return. He sounds aggressive. I would contact adult social services about Eileen's safety.

Original poster
SackedByaSpoon · 03/09/2025 15:04

The oldest son is a really good guy and though I've only met him a few times, we have got along really well. He's traveling back to check on his mum (lives a few hours away).

Have tried acas but was stuck on hold so will try them again on the morning.

Have dropped an email with my concerns to adult social services for my area too.

I've decided I'm not going back to the house until I have an assurance he won't be there. I'm also going to ring Eileen later tonight to check on her when I'm sure he should be at work.

OP posts:
VoltaireMittyDream · 03/09/2025 15:03

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 11:23

“I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable”

Rather strange wording here. You don’t say you have never taken something, just that you have never been accused of it, Have you ever taken anything?

Omg, what a paranoid inference and a shitty thing to say

Delphiniumandlupins · 03/09/2025 14:57

Your plan is good. If I were you I would want reassurances that he will not be at the house before I would return to work. What a bully he is, and stupid - you were obviously returning the spoon. Definitely report him to the police and Social Services.

BlackeyedSusan · 03/09/2025 14:51

Evenstar · 03/09/2025 11:12

I would leave, but report a safeguarding concern to Adult Social Services as I think the elderly lady is extremely vulnerable and at risk of financial abuse and coercive control.

Agreed. Definitely report.
.

Rosscameasdoody · 03/09/2025 14:51

SackedByaSpoon · 03/09/2025 11:37

I think my plan is

  • contact the other son and tell him what happened so he can check on them both
  • make a report to adult social services
  • contact acas and ask them for advice
  • figure out if I want to go back and a safe way to do that, if there is one.

Does that sound reasonable? I've never experienced anything like this and it has properly shaken me.

Edited

I think this is a good plan OP. I think you just need to calm down from the experience because, understandably it’s left you very shaken. When you contact social services, mention the jibes the son has made about his mother spending his inheritance. It might sound petty but in this circumstance it suggests he may try to force her to manage without the care she needs - he sounds very materialistic.

You need to contact ACAS fairly quickly and outline the whole situation to them. If you decide you don’t want to go back there is the question of pay and notice periods owed, and also references. And more importantly whether you can take any action for unfair dismissal. I doubt whether what he has done is legal if Eileen still retains capacity and manages her own affairs, so that would be the starting point. I also think that the advice from a PP upthread to report this incident to 101 and get it logged is an excellent idea. He was aggressive and accused you of theft with absolutely no evidence, and also very likely acted outside his authority. Get it logged - especially if there’s a chance you may go back.

Contacting the other son is a very good idea too. Explain the situation and confirm that you hadn’t taken anything without permission - it sounds as though you weren’t given an opportunity to explain, and Eileen was too upset to say anything at the time. I think l’d be tempted to tell number 2 son that you’re taking advice and considering legal action because you were unfairly dismissed and you consider number 1 son to have acted illegally. See what kind of a reaction that brings. I’m so sorry this has happened to you. It does sound as though number 1 son is very materialistic and maybe he resents the relationship you have with his mother. It also sounds like he’s been looking for just such an opportunity. Stand your ground and don’t let him get away with it.