To ask how she manages to fit in when I don’t!

You made a mistake talking about it.

It’s not as if the woman you told was ever going to able to make the situation change. I avoid people that I barely know that talk about feelings because it indicates a possibility of drama. I always avoid over sharers. I joined a few hiking groups when I retired and unfortunately many of them had one or two over sharers. I’m not totally heartless if someone I hardly knew had a bereavement or their loved one was seriously ill I would be fine with that.

My son went to a primary school where 95 percent of the mums were not my people. I found maybe three mums eho ai genuinly liked but never made proper mum friends bar one person who i am still in contact with.
Tbh if people are not your kind of people then there is little point in trying to fit in. Ita never going to be a full on friendship and therefore just general hello and being nice is good. No need to go deeper and hang out having coffee etc.

Totally agree with all of this.

I would also not talk about how you feel to any other Mums. Unfortunately, seeming vulnerable or like you care/ need friends is the most likely thing to put people off - sad but true!

Just be bright and breezy (not in a forced way, just relaxed), be yourself and spend time with those who like you. Come across as having so much going on outside school you don’t give it a thought.

Kids start making their own friendships from about this age anyway, and the Mum group meet ups with fade out.

When my dd (my eldest) was in reception I thought a few mums were a clique and was upset (internally) at my dd not being invited to some things. Turns out they all had older kids further up the school or at the same secondary / lived near each other and had known one another for years, so naturally they were a friendship group. They were actually perfectly nice and my dd is friends with some of their dds in sixth form!

I'd say there are maybe 3 main reasons for this.

1. Your child is disuptive/a bully in class. The mums hear about it/see it and decide they'd rather not be around in outside school. This sadly often also applies to DC with disabilities.
2. You are unsettling in some way. Maybe not your fault. You don't fit in with their social group (eg they all are mad on yoga, go to the same church, have horses, their partners play football together etc.), or you appear too desperate (which is often socially alarming to others) or laden with drama (turbulent personal life, gossipy/bitchy with people you hardly know, constantly complaining).
3. People feel their social cup is filled. They are not looking for more friends. They are busy enough and have enough of a social circle to get on with. They may acquire some organically, but are not actively seeking out new people.

With the first one, a new school would help - even if DC improves, it can be hard to shake off the public perception of your child. With the second two, stop being so desperate. Be constantly about, smiling, nodding hello, gradually making small talk. Be socially unthreatening. Gradually you will be tolerated, then accepted. Eventually you will have regular people to chat to at the school gate and some of those may turn out to be friends. But don't be creating drama, complaining that people don't like you, demanding attention. Because who needs that in their lives? We are all busy people and have our own priorities.

YANBU not to bother with people who are horrible, but at the same time, my DD is in Y2, we don't do a lot of playdates and I don't know most of the school mums otherwise than for a quick hello in the queue or at a birthday party. I am not unfriendly and neither are the others, I am just busy with work and life. It is possible that many people are not meaning to shun you, they are just genuinely quite busy and the school gate is not a priority for them.

This is ridiculous, OP. You've taken one person's interpretation of a situation and accepted it as gospel, and only now you're starting to wonder why a fellow-parent you barely knew decided to tell you you were unacceptable because you were poor and fat???

'Cliques' are a monomania with Mn. Some people just don't like you, and you'll find some of them everywhere. Why focus on three individuals who don't like you? School is not intended for your social life! Invite the children your child likes on playdates.

I didn't in the least 'fit in' with the other parents at the primary school DS attended from Reception to Year 3 (WOHP, foreigner etc in a situation where almost everyone else had known one another from their own schooldays and where SAHMs were the norm), and I still invited their children over, if DS liked them. How many times have you invited a child over after school and the parent has said a blanket no?

I wouldn't worry about it. You only have another year there, and who cares if some people don't like you? It's a shame for your son but so long as it doesn't spill over into school, it's no big deal.

You can't make them include you. It's their loss if they can't be polite.

One of my son's friend's mums clearly doesn't like me for some reason. She won't meet my eye and pretends she can't see me when we're queuing together. Whatever! She and her mates are a bit chavvy anyway, no loss.

I’d stop talking about the other mums tbh it will always get back to them, usually in some exaggerated form, and will make it sound like you’ve moaned about them.

I don't think people who go around in cliquey groups are rational people when it comes to criteria about who they like or dislike. I also think it says a lot about their own insecurities and lack of self confidence that they can only function as a group and can't hack it as individuals.

I also think.you are in a self fulling scenario in that the more you feel excluded by this group the more you are letting it affect your interaction with other people.

I know its an easy thing to say but try not to focus on these women. Be yourself. Interact with the other mums who you have been friendly to you. And stop bringing up how you feel excluded from the cliquey group because it really will start to make you look paranoid.