To ask how she manages to fit in when I don’t!

That might hold true if you were talking to the people you perceive to have the problem with you.

Instead, you gossiped about it with someone else, which was never going to make the situation better and has all the potential in the world to make it worse.

In your shoes I'd think about what you're after. Your son will make friends and you'll facilitate his choices.

If you want friends, school isn't the place to find them.

If you just want amicable enough company while your son plays, I suggest blocking out the noise of whether the parents are nice or your sort of person and just make the best of it.

Bea seemed alright and you've cut her off because she clumsily agreed woth you as best she could, while clarifying she is invited so that 1. You didnt think she was two-faced if you saw them out together and 2. As a gentle warning that shes friends with those people and not to do it again.

I agree with another poster, never ever raise this stuff with other parents, it's really off-putting and people will avoid you.

Look at it this way you bitched to Bea and she replied, perhaps clumsily, and you didn't like it. No good comes from it.

Ah this. You come across as wanting to bitch about the other mums and I’d distance myself from you. Lots of us have got our own worries like ill parents, financial concerns, work issues etc. I wouldn’t want to even slightly be drawn into someone else’s trivial issues at school pick up. Sorry. You need to be breezy, polite and interested in the other mums without ever mentioning your mental health or any perceived slight with any other mutual acquaintances.

Oh god why should women you barely know 'include you' in stuff? How do you know they weren't friends/colleagues/neighbours for years before their kids were at school? You were shocked they socialise with people like them? Come on. Most mums at my kids' school gate knew each other already because we moved to a new area so hadn't been to nursery, baby groups etc. I was friendly with everybody and became actual friends with a couple I clicked with. Most of them are not my kind of people.

Your desperation will be very obvious. Just be polite and breezy and deal with your own life. Or get thin and rich really quickly so they'll be nice to you.

Do people not just go to the playground, drop their kids off and go to work or get on with the rest of their day?
Why is it such a drama?

Sounds like a you problem

Well, from the OP's account of her own behaviour on this thread, I'd say this group of fellow-parents has perfectly rational reasons for not being keen on her -- she overshares, has been talking about them in negative terms to people they do socialise with, and then 'gave up' on them because of obviously shit-stirring advice from a third-party, which she believed. The group clearly doesn't choose to socialise only with rich, thin people, as 'Sam', who also hangs out with them, is apparently roughly akin to the OP in terms of money and body type, so 'Bea''s information about their 'admissions criteria' is clearly untrue.

But this is a mess of the OP's own making. With luck, she's learned from it, and won't replicate the mistakes when her child moves school.

This 100%

I hope I don’t sound harsh but people you’re trying to get to know or know only casually don’t want to hear about your feelings. If you do need to share them for the sake of your mental health you need to share them with someone willing to listen.
If someone I knew casually told me about a problem with a mutual acquaintance I’d be uncomfortable. All I’d expect is to exchange pleasantries or chat about something innocuous. Someone I’m happy to pass the time of day with complaining about someone else I’m happy to pass the time of day with would have me backing away

I think cliques are really just groups of people who have stuff - or children - in common and it can be easy to feel excluded.
I have definitely felt like that during the achool years (mine started in Year 3 today) a) I'm socially awkward b) my twins have SEN and one has challenging behaviour so, simply put, does not have many friends and c) we live over the other side of town, so are not really part of that school/village-y community.
I've tried to just radically accept it and get on with my life, as I'm only at the school gates for 10/15 minutes twice a day.
I also try to share my vulnerabilities with other school parents nowadays and stay out of gossip/talking about other parents.
It helps to lower expectations and keep things simple. 🤸‍♀️

Don't "speak your heart" in the school playground, won't end well

Gossiping like that is one way to ensure your continued exclusion.

I think that's perfectly likely. No one is going to want more contact with a woman who seems obsessed only with a set of parents she perceives as 'excluding her'. and, crucially, gossips about them to other people who are in their circle!

😂If she were nice to me I'd be nice to her. While still thinking inwardly that she's a bit chavvy, because she is.

One of my son's friend's mums clearly doesn't like me for some reason. She won't meet my eye and pretends she can't see me when we're queuing together. Whatever! She and her mates are a bit chavvy anyway, no loss.

I just can’t imagine why they don’t like you. You seem so lovely. 🤷‍♀️

So you have gone to two people now talking about this group. I think it’s you. You’ve judged them , going around speaking about them to others and also judging the people you have gossiped about. Can you not see how you come across

You know how she does it? She doesn’t have self-confidence issues or compare herself or anything really. Seriously. Why so self-conscious? No one really gives a shit IMO.

There’s a whole load of overthinking here.

I don’t know why people are so desperate to make friends with other school mums. I saw it at our school where kids were forced to socialise with each other because their parents liked to get together, but what my daughter was reporting was, those kids hated each other, never spent time together at school, were constantly falling out.

I became friendly with a few of the parents of the kids my daughter was friends with. We helped each other out when we needed it, chatted from time to time, but I never saw any of this as something I should be doing to widen my social circle.

Play dates are not the best all and end all of a child’s life. They go to school and see other kids, it isn’t vital they also see those kids out of school. If you are worried about him socially, have him join some kind of club, sports, dance, cubs etc. If the other mums aren’t inviting him it’s because those kids aren’t asking for him to be invited. That doesn’t mean he is an outcast or problematic, it can just be they aren’t friends. I grew up in a small village with a tiny school, only 6 girls and 4 boys in the class. We weren’t all friends, there were some of the kids I didn’t like spending time with and I’m sure they felt the same about me.

And, stop gossiping about others. Nobody will want to be associated with you if you do that.

Either your son has been a bit of an arse with their children and they don’t want awkward conversations where they have to turn down play dates, or they are quite good friends (maybe they know each other outside school, have older kids in the same class or just get on well) and this is not about you at all.

@MrsBobtonTrent has nailed it.
And gossiping about these other parents with "Bea" doesn't help your case either.

Most likely this "clique" is all in your head anyway?
I probably come across as being "cliquey" in the school playground as there is a specific group of women I tend to talk to. What the other parents don't know is that we're all in the same running club and train together. Often we run in the early mornings so we might have just come from a run when we're then seen at drop-off by others.
But from the outside people like you could well be thinking "oh they're ignoring me, they only like thin people (wtaf?!) why are they inviting each other out on a weekend"... etc etc.

You really need to not give this so much headspace. If they aren't inviting you to meet-ups chances are it's not because they don't like you; it's because they just haven't thought about you at all. You're only making things worse by gossiping about them and jumping to conclusions.

Don't mind them, you won't be the only one they are leave out.
Idiots.

Well, look at the effect that it had. You chose to show your insecurities to someone who told you that the reason you were being cold-shouldered was because you were poor and heft, and you apparently accepted that and gave up. Therefore telling her, and believing her response, were both definite mistakes.

There's a big middle ground between (1) plastering on a fake smile and bottling up negative emotions around real, longtime friends, and (2) blurting out your worries about your social life to virtual strangers -- and if you told 'Bea' this in Reception, you can barely have known one another. Make peace with the fact that in any environment, not everyone will like you, and that's fine.

Bea sounds like a bit of a cow. I don't think I would worry about it too much, OP, there are obviously lots of other mums who are happy to chat to you and arrange playdates and he'll be off to big school soon anyway 😘

I’d agree IF you had actually spoke to the people about the problem. What you did was gossip- that’s your mistake.

To fix a problem you have to talk to those involved. Talking to other people about those involved isn’t problem solving, it’s gossiping. Personally I steer well clear of people who gossip about others because I’m well aware if they will gossip about others to me then they will also gossip about me to others!