OH wants me to leave PT job to work FT....

To be fair, my DH does more than half the house work, more than half the school runs and more than half the cooking. So this idea that men can't pull their weight domestically isn't true.

Also, like other PP have suggested, what about totting up average hourly rates for cleaner/housekeeper, nanny etc....what would it cost him to have all that covered (and during holidays too) for 4 DC? A five figure amount each year easily. He has no idea how bloody lucky he is to have you doing what you're currently doing. He should be thankful, respectful and appreciative for what you do. I'm the breadwinner (always have been), working FT, and I would have given anything for the set-up you guys have when I was married. When I was with XH, I still had to pay for childcare AND juggle housework etc etc.

FWIW, I'm one of four siblings. My parents are sadly not with us anymore. DF had a high flying job, my DM was an SAHM. My Dad never let any of us forget just how important Mum's work/contribution to the family was - without her being there, he wouldn't have been able to advance in his career like he did, and we wouldn't have the lovely happy home we had. I always remember him telling us that.

What a bellend- ask him how he is going to manage his 50% of all the house/kids stuff and what nights he will be cooking your tea and washing the clothes- will he have packed lunches and and drop offs/pick ups covered half the week too while you work full time? School holiday cover? I would ask him if he really expects you to work full time and carry on everything else with 4 kids? how does he see his life changing- probably not at all.

I think there's a half way solution. I dont think you really need a day off for housework, and I think there should be an agreed limit on how much longer you spend another day volunteering, however potentially helpful it might be to your career.

The pressure of being the main breadwinner can be horrible too

I’m sure you’ve worked it out but 5 days a week of breakfast club and after school club would cost more than £400pm just for one child at my son’s school.

I think having one breadwinner and a sahp/part timer only works if both are happy with it. He's clearly not, maybe he'd like to go part time but can't, any shift in working also needs to come with a shift in household responsibilities though.
2k a month is nmw 40 hours a week.

Is his job at risk?

Do you actually need the extra money? If you’re on the breadline then it’s understandable that he’s stressed, although his “plan” is a terrible one and his approach is awful.

How on earth does he think that is going to work with four primary-school age children? I think you are doing really well to manage the commitments you already have, and your medium term plan for increasing your earnings sounds practical and realistic. I can sympathise with him feeling the pressure as the primary breadwinner, but he is being incredibly unfair to put the blame for it at your door, and completely delusional about the practicalities.

He really isn't looking at the bigger picture.

Change the conversation.

Ask.him what he's taking on of the shit you do now. It has to be realistic. If he wants you to bring in coin then he needs to take some of the heavy lifting.

Tell him to write it down what he's willing to add to his workload and then you'll have another chat. Until then he can be quiet about it.

So to pay for the extra after school club, you’ll need to earn at least £2400 after tax , NI, pension etc. Good luck with that! I assume Billy Big Bollocks is going to step up and help with all the household chores, childcare and mental load too. No? Then tell him he is the one talking bollocks and to fuck right off!!!

YANBU....I think you have an excellent plan (and huge well done for all that you do). I'm assuming that once you go FT (and bringing in over £2K a month), he will step up to doing (as well as his FT job):
-50% of the housework/cooking/taking on the mental load. Or paying for a cleaner/housekeeper to do all this.
-50% of the childcare (including HIM taking time off from work for when children are sick/off school etc).
-Paying for childcare to cover what you would have done.....?

Or is he expecting you to do everything you're currently doing (and believe me, he doesn't know he's bloody born, because you're making a bloody HUGE contribution to the family!) AND an FT job?

£400pcm for 4 kids isn't bad going at all - but I'm sure it would probably be a lot more than that. I have two DC (now 12 and 18) but I was shelling out a damned sight more than that back in the day. I don't even want to think what the cost for 4 DC would be!!

I'd be surprised if the wraparound care for 4 kids is only £400 a month, for a start.

But is there something else going on with OHs job? That hes now this frantic about it all?

He is also majorly downplaying how much you do too with all the housework, school runs etc.

Personally I'd be totalling up all the cost of you returning full time and not just the wraparound care either, weekly cleaner, weekly ironing service, supermarket delivery, then don't forget school holidays camps, those cost a bomb!!

What's his plan for the school run and school holidays then? Presumably you're expected to work FT as well as juggling all the child admin, I don't see he's offering to take any of that off your plate. Oh and he'll need to do a lot more stuff round the house, cooking, laundry etc

Assuming you can find a FT job just like that at a snap of your fingers.

Stupid man.

Tell him to get off his fat ass and get a better job to earn the extra money!

Cheeky git. How dare he!

You've given birth to and are raising 4 children, and still go to work, and he is whinging about being the main breadwinner??

Leave this man or at least tell him to get the fuck over himself