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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not feel bad

33 replies

notmymonkeyss · 02/09/2025 22:07

It was a milestone birthday for me a few years ago. I had had a rough year mh wise and wanted to celebrate, I asked dh if we could go away for a long weekend abroad. Dh was reluctant (he use to worry a lot about money) but he agreed. On my birthday he got me usual gifts annd a small supermarket cake which was lovely and I arranged a meal out for us with our friends. A month later we went away. Dh was in a mood the whole time he , refused to go for a drink, refused to use public transport (due to cost) eve though I had blisters . It was a complete waste of time and money.
Four years later it’s dhs same big birthday , I had in the lead up made suggestions regarding celebrating but then he snapped at me so I dropped it. I spends more on him than normal gifts wise getting him tickets to a band and arranged a meal out with family and ordered him a cake. From a bakery. He said around his birthday he would like to do a weekend away and I said fine. That was 4 months ago.
just to mention I’ve had a awful year health wise, I haven’t brought the weekend away up since because
a- my health hasn’t been great
b- he snapped at me fir raising it previously
c- i organised every aspect of my special birthday so assumed he would arrange this
d- he ruined my birthday

he mentioned the other day he was bothered it wasn’t organised. Shoukk I feel bad for not sorting it?

OP posts:
freerangethighs · 03/09/2025 06:46

Come on now. This person makes you miserable, for no good reason, and you cannot talk to him about it so it won't change. Just dump him.

SunnySideDeepDown · 03/09/2025 06:46

It didn’t sound like you like each other much, is the marriage strained?

It’s not ok that he ruined your birthday trip.

And why do you have to ask permission to go away with your child? It all sounds very hard work.

Needlenardlenoo · 03/09/2025 06:42

God, I hate passive aggressive types.

Just say, well after my birthday I got the strong impression you disliked weekends away!

And don't ask for permission next time.

notmymonkeyss · 03/09/2025 06:34

Thanks, I’m often the organiser so I felt bad as I think he expected me to go it.
hesaid it because I’d arranged to go on a city break with dd (something we had planned ages ago and I’m just well enough for) and when I checked with dh he would be ok if I went he went all sad and mentioned his birthday.

OP posts:
Defender90 · 02/09/2025 22:57

You are mirroring his effort and attitude. I don’t blame you one bit.

Endofyear · 02/09/2025 22:56

I'd tell him that since he ruined the weekend away for your birthday, he can organise his own weekend away.

HardworkSendHelp · 02/09/2025 22:14

The measure you give out is the measure you get back! He was a complete prick for your birthday so I wouldn’t be going way out for his. Why are you with someone like that?

Overwhelmedandunderfed · 02/09/2025 22:09

No. You’re returning the effort and energy and it might be a lesson learned for him - pillock.

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