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Original poster

MIL and husband too overbearing regarding our children

89 replies

MILissue · 02/09/2025 22:07

MIL and husband want to be too involved in our children’s lives my step daughter (3) and daughter 7 months.
step daughter visits us every other weekend and stays Fri-sun, MIL gets to see her once a week and claims this is unfair and not enough as grandparents. MIL wants GD (3) to sleep over at their house on our time. Baring in mind we get her 4 nights a month she wants to take one of those from her son. We have tried to explain this is for our daughter to spend time with her sister as a family and all we get back is “they can both stay”. Are we being unreasonable for saying no to this as we are made to feel like the worst people in the world!
We feel that they favour their first GC (my step daughter (3). When we have explained how we feel it is shut down immediately and we are called silly. However they only like to call us and visit when we have DH daughter and he feels it invades our time as it is hard to say no to them coming to visit on those days. I feel that they should be grateful they have DH daughter visit once a week but nothing is ever enough for them regarding her.

(Also to add my step daughters mother will not allow DH mother to have her daughter sleepover on her time either, we all get on well and we do not feel she is being unreasonable.

OP posts:
Robin67 · 03/09/2025 13:30

Ihavetoask · 03/09/2025 08:14

I dont see the issue with grandparents having both their GC for a night every couple of months. That's quite normal.

That's normal for parents who want that. Not for parents who are struggling to get enough time with one child anyway and don't want to spend less time with her. Not everyone feels like this; no way would I let a 7 month old baby sleep away from me.

ButSheSaid · 03/09/2025 13:28

Your husband should be parenting his child at least 50/50, why has he not arranged this already?
It will be really hard for the little 3yr old child knowing her father chooses to live full time with her half sibling. She'll feel unwanted and replaced as she grows up, has he planned ways to mitigate this?
The man can deal with his mother, don't think about it.

ZippyPeer · 03/09/2025 13:26

OP, acknowledging that your mil will complain it isn't enough regardless of what you offer her, just do what works for you.

Maybe things will change in the future and you'll see your step daughter more, and then can offer more time. Maybe not

ClickClickety · 03/09/2025 13:18

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. Just tell her no and keep repeating it. Let her be in a huff.

Original poster
MILissue · 03/09/2025 12:55

Diarygirlqueen · 02/09/2025 22:46

You are not being unreasonable, set your boundaries and stick to it.
Also, I would not be upsetting the expartner, especially when you have a good relationship with her. It's such a positive thing for a successful blending family. Don't let the mil destroy that.

We did not get a long to start with, but relationship with ex partner is now amazing, MIL now feels this is a strange relationship that we are close, myself and ex partner meet up for days out to enable both sisters to spend time together every now and again which MIL does not like!

OP posts:
Original poster
MILissue · 03/09/2025 12:53

Summerhillsquare · 03/09/2025 03:25

Children are not goods to be fought over. Nowhere in this do I hear anyone advocating what is best for the child, it's all about adults squabbling over their 'rights'.

We are advocating what is best for the child! We only see her 4 nights a month which DH likes to spend that quality time with her and our other daughter, they’re sisters and she adores her very much. MIL sees her once a week but still wants more, nothing is ever enough! She asked originally for once a fortnight both GC need to stay, so we would then only see my DH daughter two nights a month

OP posts:
Original poster
MILissue · 03/09/2025 12:50

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 03/09/2025 04:22

@MILissue how does she manage to see dsd every week when you and dp only see dsd every two weeks?? you and your dp have the right to spend the 2nd weekend without mil visiting

Edited

This was an arrangement with Childs mother, as MIL requested one day a week to which they have stuck with, now little girl is attending nursery MIL says this is not enough time as she gets to see her around 4 hours before she has to go home at 7pm

OP posts:
Original poster
MILissue · 03/09/2025 12:48

Zanatdy · 03/09/2025 05:53

Just keep firm on no to sleepovers. Can’t she contact the child’s mother and ask if she can have her one night a week? I wouldn’t give up your time with her.

Child’s mother had also said no as she works full time mon-fri, little girl attends nursery Monday to Friday too so is reluctant to let her go as of yet

OP posts:
Original poster
MILissue · 03/09/2025 12:47

Ihavetoask · 03/09/2025 08:14

I dont see the issue with grandparents having both their GC for a night every couple of months. That's quite normal.

She can have our daughter who lives with us but DH is reluctant to let his other daughter as he only has her four nights a month, our daughter sees us both everyday and we have no issue with her staying every now and again, however she does not sleep over whilst step daughter is staying over at our house as we like family time together

OP posts:
Ihavetoask · 03/09/2025 08:14

I dont see the issue with grandparents having both their GC for a night every couple of months. That's quite normal.

Zanatdy · 03/09/2025 05:53

Just keep firm on no to sleepovers. Can’t she contact the child’s mother and ask if she can have her one night a week? I wouldn’t give up your time with her.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 03/09/2025 04:22

@MILissue how does she manage to see dsd every week when you and dp only see dsd every two weeks?? you and your dp have the right to spend the 2nd weekend without mil visiting

Summerhillsquare · 03/09/2025 03:25

Children are not goods to be fought over. Nowhere in this do I hear anyone advocating what is best for the child, it's all about adults squabbling over their 'rights'.

Diarygirlqueen · 02/09/2025 22:46

You are not being unreasonable, set your boundaries and stick to it.
Also, I would not be upsetting the expartner, especially when you have a good relationship with her. It's such a positive thing for a successful blending family. Don't let the mil destroy that.

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