To think not all women are “natural mothers” and some regret it but can’t say out loud?

I think you're wrong because I think what makes motherhood difficult is a bad partner and the stress of balancing work and parenthood. Oftentimes, it's both, and it's a living hell that they become trapped in and they are only trapped because they love their children greatly. If we are able to parent without trying to also be at work full-time and without a grown man making everything worse then it's very often a completely different story.

I’ve known woman with absolutely no maternal instinct or want for children to unexpectedly fall pregnant and become the best mums. I know some woman who have always wanted to be mums to end up wishing they could go back in time and not get pregnant.

Yeah Im not keen but its done now so got to crack on.

This is me. I was not at all enamoured by ages 1-3. From 4 onwards it became better, but I have absolutely loved the tween/teenage years.

I am not a natural mother (neither was my mother) although unlike her I did try as much as I could and DH was good d at playing with them and bedtime stories etc.
It is only now I see my DD and DDIL with their DCs (my DGCs) and they make it look as if they are making no effort.

I also think that in some cases, people that regret parenthood bite off more than they can chew. I know so many families that run headlong into a second even if they're barely coping with the first, and then have really exhausted their limits and are miserable. I hope it becomes more socially normal and acceptable to decide on one child rather than being endlessly quizzed about when you're having more. I think it would be healthier for people after their first child to take stock of how it's going and what life might be like with two rather than just go for another because it's the norm.

We are so, SO lucky in this day and age and location to be able to choose if, when, and how many kids. It is awful that in some places women still have no choice over how many children they have. The pill is an incredible invention. I know quite a few older women of my mum's generation who would dearly have loved a childfree life but it was the done thing to get married late teens/early twenties and unthinkable to not start having children. By the time they knew who they were and what they wanted, they had kids.

The delay in having kids is fantastic. When you wait until your thirties you've had enough time to see what the world has to offer, explore, get to know yourself and what you want, and can make a decision with all of the facts at hand. Not in any way saying there aren't people who happily have kids younger and do a brilliant job but it's a bit more of a risk imo to have them earlier.

There are plenty of people who regret parenthood. Typically, people who love their child/ren and care for them well but know if they could go back in time they would have been childfree instead. My own mother was one of them.

It's such a social taboo to acknowledge this, I feel that it sadly makes regretful parents feel enormously guilty for their feelings, and it also leads to stupid asinine comments like 'you never regret having a child, go for it' when someone is on the fence. I've even heard 'you never regret the child you have, just the one you don't'.

Imagine a hundred people signing up to a job where their body is taken over for nearly a year, they go through an incredibly risky and excruciatingly painful medical procedure, then have to care 24/7 for someone volatile while actively bleeding and in pain. They never quite know if or when they'll be able to sleep or how much. It costs them tens of thousands of pounds per year to do this job. Their physical health may have longterm issues, their mental health too, their relationships may change beyond recognition. And they are 'on' 24/7 for a couple of decades. Now imagine saying that 100% of those people love it and wouldn't change a thing. That would be bonkers!

And I very much love being a parent and am so thrilled and still feel so lucky I was lucky enough to do this. But it's not hard to see why so many people don't feel that way.

This!!!!

Or you have mums like me with tonnes of love to give but have struggling autistic kids who dont actually care most days so we end up feeling like we are a shell of ourselves.

This plus add the increasing neurodiversity into the mix with no support and we're all just struggling.

Totally. I really struggled but think I did ok as they've turned into lovely adults.

I've always really struggled to be a responsible adult and should not have been a parent. I did my best to parent my one child but I wish I'd resisted the social conditioning and innate urge to be a parent because I wasn't suited to it and I wasn't good at it.

You just don't know how you'll feel until you try it. I thought I'd be happy as a SAHM. Hated it!

Yes. Not me, I bloody loved it and wish I had more.

A very close friend always talked about how she would have four children, couldn’t wait etc.

She had her DD and found it absolutely stifling. She was bored shitless. She went back to work FT when DD was three months old and has never had another child.

I wasn’t a natural mum in the earlier years….
I don’t remember holding my newborns feeling full of love.
I had my 3 DC quite young and I think I almost resented them for taking away my freedom, which is totally ridiculous seeing as I chose to have them!
I hated the preschool years most. I didn’t want to spend hours at the park or build stuff out of loo rolls and cover it in horrible glitter.

I felt guilty all the time. I wasn’t the wonderful Mum to my kids that my mum was to me.

But…..I loved them, made sure they had everything they needed. Read to them, did homework with them, had friends round and did day trips etc.

I think I became the mum I wanted to be in the teenage years. I suddenly got that overwhelming rush of love for them and fierce protection of them. I LOVE being with them now. I love chatting with them, watching their silly tik toks, doing open days for uni and going to gigs of people I’ve never heard of.

I think I wasn’t a natural mum. I think it took some work but I found my place in the teenage years!

This is mumsnet. Practically every other week there is a post where a parent is saying they regret having kids and why didn't anyone tell them about the emotional toil and drudgery. I commented once on a post that even if someone had told the op whilst she was pregnant would she have listened? She got all defensive but it isn't up to someone else to tell you what it can be like as it varies for us all. Use your own brain and make a choice.

It can be hard, not everyone is suited to being a parent, just because you can get pregnant doesn't mean you should and just because you are pregnant doesn't mean you have to go through with the pregnancy. It's easier now more than ever to choose not to have children (in terms of societal expectation) so people really ought to take their time and weigh up their choices.

Isn’t that just parenting ?

There is a huge difference between kids who have natural mothers who can offer a secure attachment bond and those with mothers who don't or can’t. A lot of psychological research has been done and the way children are bought up has an awful lot to answer for in society.

I think the problem is you have to have kids to realise you were probably better off without them!

I loved the idea of having children, desperately wanted them but now with hindsight, I know I could have had an equally fulfilling life. I love my children but I love working and travelling.

I'm definitely not a natural parent. I have to work very hard at being patient.

Thanks for giving your experience, it’s really insightful, especially about the broodiness etc. I’m sorry you went through infertility and loss before having your DC.

I have 2 very close friends who both have SEN children & are absolutely amazing mothers, but I do understand that their lives look very different to how they had imagined, regardless of how much they wanted DC and how loved they are.
I hope you also have good support as it must be very hard with DC not able to the leave the house.

Of course I don’t ffs

I hope you don't say that in front of your kids.

I don’t find motherhood particularly fun or fulfilling (though I love my children) but I see it as an unspoken duty to create the next generation.

That said, modern couples have to spend a lot more time raising children because of higher expectations, unsafe communities, elderly grandparents, etc, than those in the past.

So what, though? It would make sense that not all women are natural mothers and some would regret being one. I'm guessing you're from the childless board and just want to ruffle some feathers? You're not unreasonable to think it, but it's U to post it.

Always wanted to be a mum
Love being a mum
Best thing ever, it's all I've wanted since a young age

I have a good career and worked hard for it, but motherhood comes first for me and always will

Even saying this having been awake with a poorly toddler and baby since 3:40am ... 🫩